Catch 22 situation - another baby or not?

hobo28

RoxieW wrote: »

... But I long for a daughter and feel I have to give it one last go.

Would you be disappointed if you had another boy? I suspect deep down inside you will be and that simply wouldn't be fair on that new baby.

Its not for me to decide but just playing devil's advocate for you.

sticher

I have 3 boys - I was convinced no. 3 would be a girl! How would you feel if baby no 3 was a boy? I know you would love him just the same, but is it worth disrupting your life as you describe it now?

I have ages, 9, almost 11 and 14 and now they are older, it is quite difficult finding things they all want to do together - often want to see different films, even different theme parks appeal to the younger and older ones.

Another thing is with their clubs. Children that are near to each other in age/same sex can often go to the same clubs, that is not always the case if there is a wider age gap/different sexes. I spend alot of time driving here there and everywhere picking up one, dropping off two and so on.

You would definitely need a bigger car. I have a people carrier and fitting us all in with our luggage is a squash sometimes (and mine don't need car seats anymore - your two older ones would still need booster seats).

All that said, if I could have anymore, I would!

RoxieW

I would be disappointed - I cant deny it. And in my eyes at the moment it wouldnt be worth disrupting our lives for.

Of course, once that baby is an actual person, boy or girl, you love it immensley anyway. TBH I was disappointed that ds2 was a boy. One of my first thoughts on finding out was 'we're going to have to do it all over again'. Bad - I knw. But I'm being honest here.
Of course, now he is the absolute joy of my life and I love him so much it hurts my heart. So, I'm sure I'd feel the same way - but, as I've said - if someone told me it would 100% be a boy I dont think we would have another.
STill, if we dont try for a girl I may be forever wondering and regretting not giving it a go.

Mutantk

Just a suggestion but we have 3 girls 2,3 and 4 and another baby on the way - space is a problem for us and I have nowhere to keep the pram either. I just keep it in the boot of the car - that's where it lives! I'm lucky enough to have a drive on which the car is parked...maybe you have to park in the road? But that could be an easy solution for that niggle anyway....
You sound like you're sure - you just want to be convinced - go for it! I'd love more space but the kids don't care about that, they're happy and have playmates on hand 24/7! The only thing I'd say and I hope you don't mind or take it the wrong way - just be sure that you wouldn't be disappointed with another boy - I'm sure you'd would be thrilled really but don't do it purely for a girl cos there are no guarantees!!

RoxieW

thanks for the suggestion mutantk. we do have a drive but hubby takes the car to work so I'm carless during the day. I live round the corner from the school/nursery and 5 mins from the shops so I dont need one- much as I'd like one - the use doesnt justify the cost.
though, as sticher said, we may need a bigger car for new baby so I may end up getting one just for me, then it would be a solution.

misspenny

you could spend forever thinking of reason why its not the best time to have another baby i.e we could have a baby this year or take the family to disneyland theres a millions and one reasons not to but theres that lovley little extra member of your family you'll miss out on if you dont,

me and oh keep having the same debate so i know how frustrating and confusing it can all be

RoxieW

thanks misspenny - you;re right - I've even thought the same thing ' oh, if we go to disneyland we cant go on all the big rides together etc etc'. aaaaargh! i am so confused. i never thought this much with my other two and we didnt have a pot to pee in then!!

Jaiden_2

My neighbour is in kinda the same boat, she has 3 boys aged 2, 8 and 10 and longs for the day when she can do pink girly things instead of piles of muddy football boots messing up her hall. Sadly for us she will be moving very shortly to a much bigger house and i'm sure the topic of having one more try for a girl will come up.

Btw poor you with pregnancy! Cripes!! I sailed through with the girls but my son did give me all the textbook symptoms of nausea, swollen ankles and the most horrific heartburn i have ever had! I remember downing pints of that horrid pink stuff and i hate aniseed!. But my problems pale into insignificance compared to you. How would you feel to go through all that and then have another boy? Although i'm sure once you clapped eyes on him , the love would flood through

RoxieW

Jaiden, I think thats what I'm worried about to be honest. Going throu the pregnancy and changing ou lives completely, then having another boy - which if of course a big possibility. Still, as you said, I'd fall in love with him just the same.

*Louise*

I had 2 boys, wanted a girl...so we just decided to go for it (DD is now 7 months old) it's okay to want a girl, you just have to know in yourself if you could love the baby if it was a boy? I knew I could, which is why we tried.

You say you will need to move house...you are lucky you are in a 3-bed for now (we had to move house when DD was 3mths) would it not do for 5 years until you were in a position to go back to work? My 2 boys share a room, we would all love to give our kids their own space, but sometimes it's just not possible for a while.

I say this because, if you start work, move to a bigger house......in 5 years time can you really afford to do without that money and keep a bigger house?

As for the pram situ...you say you once fitted a double buggy in there? Sounds like you just need a ruthless clear out....it's amazing how much 'stuff' kids can accumulate.:eek:

It sounds like you have decided to go for a 3rd, but just can't decide now or later...when your youngest is 10...would you really want to go back to nappies??