Catch 22 situation - another baby or not?

*Louise*

tinkerbell84 wrote: »

Be careful, OP.

A friend of mine had a stillborn girl as a result of her first pregnancy. She tried again, and they had a healthy boy. Then another. Then another. She kept trying for that girl. She had 3 miscarriages and 5 boys before getting the girl she wanted.

That reminds me of a woman nearby here - she had boys and kept going till she had a girl (number 6, 4 different fathers)

Unfortunately, she couldn't cope with so many kids on her own and on benefits, and she turned to drink....all the kids either ended up with their dads or in care, including her little girl.

*Louise*

RoxieW wrote: »

I'm abit scared now thinking about not having a healthy baby. Of course thats what I wan tfirst and foremost - i think that goes without saying. But I do long for a girl and like another poster said - I cant imagine going through my life without one. Bit sad, but I guess I have my reasons.

I don't think it's sad at all.

I think every woman has a right to say she has a preference for one sex over nother - as long as you are able to love your baby if it was the opposite sex, where's the harm?

I know from a personal experience that when I had my baby girl last year, it just felt as though I had found the missing piece in my life......and all the pink and girly things make a nice change from blue lol.I know she could end up a complete tomboy, but for now I will make the most of it.

Keep us updated with how you're getting on Roxie.

Merlot

My sister in law had two boys aged 4 and 5, and was desperate for a wee girl, she miscarriage the third pregnancy, but then went on to have twin boys.

I have two children, very close in age, 9 and 10, and it was blinking difficult when they were younger, but I don't think age gaps work well, if you are having these feelings in 12 months time, then I say go for it, but wait a wee while longer, I knew I didn't want anymore, my DS was the baby from hell, constantly wanting feeding, very demanding, I had a lovely Health Visitor who came out very day and sat in my lounge and feed my son whilst I played with my daughter )I had no family about, and if it wasn't for Shelia, I don't know what I would have done. You have alot on your plate just now, and what if its a boy? or twins?

12 months isn't a long time, you have to think carefully about the financial side of things. Are you in debt? How would you afford the new car?

You couldn't stay in a Travelodge, they only accommodate 4 persons, could your dining table accommodate 5 chairs (mine won't), I know that sounds shallow but its the reality, its not just a third child we are talking about here, it could be a big lifestyle change as well.

Merlot.x.

RoxieW

Hi louise - thank you for your kind words. I guess its a taboo to say that you'd prefer one sex over the other. I've definitely had some bad reactions from friends/family when I've stated a preference. I wish that i didnt have a preference but I do. I've always wanted a little girl and now that I've had 2 boys I guess desperation has set in and the reality that I may never have a daughter is very hard.

Merlot - the financial side isn't a problem. Not if we stay put in the house we're in which I think we've resigned to. We have no debt and we can afford a bigger car.It does mean we have less to put aside each month thou. Our dining table can seat 6 - although I do get your point - practically, when you have more than 2 its a nightmare.

Thanks for the replies everyone - i dont think I'm ever going to be sure!

scrimpingbadger

Yeah, but little girls aren't as easy as you may think! They may sit nicely and colour in for hours, whilst little boys will singluarly destroy your house, but those little girls grow into teenage girls with the make up, clothes and door slamming (*shudder*) (yes, I know boys can be stroppy too). Gimme a house full of fishing rods and cricket pads any day of the week (I'll even let them keep bait in my fridge)

*Louise*

scrimpingbadger wrote: »

Yeah, but little girls aren't as easy as you may think! They may sit nicely and colour in for hours, whilst little boys will singluarly destroy your house, but those little girls grow into teenage girls with the make up, clothes and door slamming (*shudder*) (yes, I know boys can be stroppy too). Gimme a house full of fishing rods and cricket pads any day of the week (I'll even let them keep bait in my fridge)

LOL

Well I'm th eldest of 4 - (3 girls and a boy)...and I assure you it was my brother that caused the most hassle during the teenage years. In fact he still does, and he's 23 now!:D

Stropy teens are stroppy teens - male or female, doesn't matter...it's gonna happen

affordmylife

roxie i do understand your desire for a girl.

as i said previously i have two sons and then 6 years later a daughter.

i wouldnt worry a job about cars, dining tables etc just focus on if you want a baby.

if you could love another son and not be disapointed to the point of worsening depression (this happened to my friend with five boys) then go for it.

that friend eventually left her husband and five boys to live with another man with no kids - she just couldnt get over it.

any child is a gift. but personally i would never have accepted not having a daughter and im ashamed to admit i dont know what lengths i would have gone to in order to have one.

i think i would have insisted on trying again and again but with four between us when we started i really dont think this would have been an option. as i said before i am blessed and very, very happy.

affordmylife

been thinking about what it is about a daughter that is special since i last posted.

a son is a son til he takes a wife (then she is in charge!)
a daughter is a daughter all her life

part of it is about being able to share and talk about things that men and boys will never understand.

its about being able to talk about when you are older you will be just like mummy (physically - if you know what i mean) and about female things like cooking, moods, periods, make up, boys, feelings etc.

now im not saying you cant do these with a boy but a girl understands you.

its about being in the same club that men and boys are not part of.

its about everything female that men will never be part of.

good luck

kelz85

I know exactly how you feel roxie, I have 2 boys, aged 1 and 3, and whilst they are very young at the moment, I would love nothing more than to have another in a year or two. However, due to all the reasons that others have pointed out, the sleepless nights, money, bigger car etc, I have also recently discovered I have a genetic disorder that will start to seriously affect me when im 40ish and will cut short my life.
Im only 22 now, but after long, and tearful, discussions, we have decided not to have another baby. I want to have a good quality of life with my boys and not have to struggle to make ends meet.
I know its for the best but its certainly a bitter pill to swollow.

Spendless

I had conceived 2 boys (lost the first) so in my last pregnancy was convinced it was another boy. I knew a LOT of people with 3 same sex children, but barely any who had had 2 boys then a girl, so was gob-smacked when I did get a girl.

If you are going to be 'disappointed' if you have a 3rd boy, maybe you need to think carefully before going ahead with another pregnancy.

On a practical level, you can put a shed in the garden to keep a pram in. Also my experience of boys getting older (mine is now 8) is that they lose the chunky toys that take up loads of space in favour of computer games, dvds, lego and footballs.