HELP...stupid spending habits!!

Oldernotwiser

poet123 wrote: »

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Most families expect/want to support their kids though further education today,

Most people support their children through further education (they have to really!) but not necessarily through higher education and post graduate education which is the situation here. One of the main purposes of the recent funding changes in HE was to switch the onus on funding from the parents to the students themselves, who, after all, will be the ones to profit from their degrees.

freebie_junkie

poet123 wrote: »

This is a typical comment from someone without a supportive family,or a family who is unable to support(I recognise the difference!). Whilst you may have achieved by your own efforts, you obviously have an underlying issue with that,whether you choose to acknowledge that or not,maybe even to yourself!!!Live and let live.

Most families expect/want to support their kids though further education today, and why should that be embarrassing. To be honest I think much less of those families who don't do so when they are in a position to. Within reasonable limits.

We are not talking of supporting adults who are working and squandering their salaries on fast cars,holidays etc(though there are plenty of them on other threads on this board). Adults who take out loans,mortgages etc and then default on the payments and expect to be bailed out by all kinds of organisations.

So if you want to be judgemental there are plenty of other opportunities to do elsehwere.;)

my family supports me in the ways that good families do- they back me 100% in everything i do, encourage me, help me practically if i need it (but not with money as i never do), listen to me, support me emotionally, provide me with a shoulder to cry on etc etc

i would be frankly embarassed to be a 'kept kidult' as the op is, i would be ashamed of my inability to be a proper grown up especially in POST GRAD education!

It makes me so mad that people my age expect their parents to still look after them and the parents are guilted or whatever into doing so.

poet123

freebie_junkie wrote: »

my family supports me in the ways that good families do- they back me 100% in everything i do, encourage me, help me practically if i need it (but not with money as i never do), listen to me, support me emotionally, provide me with a shoulder to cry on etc etc

i would be frankly embarassed to be a 'kept kidult' as the op is, i would be ashamed of my inability to be a proper grown up especially in POST GRAD education!

It makes me so mad that people my age expect their parents to still look after them and the parents are guilted or whatever into doing so.

Never say never!!!no one knows when they may need help(as many on here will testify)or what is around the corner. I doubt if under any one of several scenarios I could outline,serious illness,redundancy,mental health issues etc etc you would be sufficiently well cushioned to assert you would never need financial help.

I dont think the OP is "expecting" anything,quite the reverse, that is the point of her post. I think you may be projecting onto her, faults you have seen in others.

I don't think parents are "guilted" as you so quaintly put it(not post grad in English then??)but rather want to help if they can.

I would far rather my kids had a share of family money when they needed it, than years down the line when they are well set up, or even worse let the tax man get his hands on it.

NessyNoo_3

skintstudent84 wrote: »

What ego Blacksheep? Have you never made a mistake? I have, and that is why I am here. I am not asking you to tell me that it is all ok and I will be fine

Well, if you had not deleted nearly all your posts (out of embarassment?) then you may remember one of the things you did ask for was re-assurance after you squandered all your money on a holiday and car. Perhaps if you hadn't gone on the holiday you could have used your student loan to fund your studies rather than rely on a credit card..?

freebie_junkie

poet123 wrote: »

Never say never!!!no one knows when they may need help(as many on here will testify)or what is around the corner. I doubt if under any one of several scenarios I could outline,serious illness,redundancy,mental health issues etc etc you would be sufficiently well cushioned to assert you would never need financial help.

I dont think the OP is "expecting" anything,quite the reverse, that is the point of her post. I think you may be projecting onto her, faults you have seen in others.

I don't think parents are "guilted" as you so quaintly put it(not post grad in English then??)but rather want to help if they can.

I would far rather my kids had a share of family money when they needed it, than years down the line when they are well set up, or even worse let the tax man get his hands on it.

Thanks very much for the concern but I have an ISA (all my OWN savings) for emergencies.

That was very cute of you to try and insult my use of English. Rather like your MSE name, I am a poet (an actual one who makes money from it) and I believe firmly in the fluidity of the English language- I have done some very interesting study on the subject in my PGDE Literacy Post Grad (btw I also have a 2:1 BA in Cretive Writing!) As long as you understand the rules, I believe that you can break them in certain situations- but really that's a different argument isn't it?!

I don't need any of my family's money, I have everything I want and need as I know how to live within my means and not to fritter away my HARD EARNED cash on a load of rubbish.

skintstudent84

Far from embarrassed. I expected comments about my spending, but I am absolutely not prepared to hear people make judgements about my dad- especially comments like 'he wants to grow a backbone.' I think once in everyone's life they will make a financial mistake and what I have realised from the supportive people on here is that maybe doing it now wasn't such a bad thing and I have learnt my lesson.

To the people who have done nothing but form judgements- you're going to come across a lot of people in life from a lot of different backgrounds. You might not want to be so quick to judge people.

NessyNoo_3

Always be prepared- I learnt this in guides.

You are going to get a mixed reaction and perhaps it speaks for something that there were so many negative ones.

You have to take the good with the bad- not to sound condescending but i thought your last one was very...

Anyway..i definately think this thread has run its course now!

dizzie

:T skintstudent84,

Good to see you back. All the best with with your money-saving endeavours and your future career. Everyone makes mistakes - the person who says that they never have is a liar. But it's what you learn from your mistakes that counts. And whatever errors you've made, it won't stop your dad being proud of you. At the end of the day, it's his respect that counts (not opinionated strangers who know nothing about you).

Lavendyr

Hi skintstudent, I have obviously found this thread far too late as by the time I started reading you were deleting your posts and no matter how I tried I couldn't keep up! So I don't know what your original situation is, though I can piece some things together.

skintstudent84 wrote: »

Far from embarrassed. I expected comments about my spending, but I am absolutely not prepared to hear people make judgements about my dad

I'm sorry but that is what you will get when posting on an internet forum. It will throw up all sorts at you - that's one of the benefits (and drawbacks) of the situation. You can get honest, often helpful advice but you'll also get comments and opinions you never expected. And in all honesty, if you can't deal with that, then perhaps the internet is not the best place for you to seek help.

skintstudent84 wrote: »

I think once in everyone's life they will make a financial mistake and what I have realised from the supportive people on here is that maybe doing it now wasn't such a bad thing and I have learnt my lesson.

I wish I could offer some advice but seeing as you have deleted all your posts I can't help you, unfortunately. It's a real shame you deleted the posts as it prevents anyone who finds the thread later on from helping you.

clk299

Hi, know I have come into this late also! I would agree with you: lots and lots of us make mistakes, I know I did, through my own fault and also the result of my bad mental health at the time but it IS possible to come out the other side.

My advice:
- credit card balance transfer, or at least speak to the bank and get the interest frozen or arrange to pay the minimum for a while. It will buy you time.
- speak to your parents. It might be humiliating but go to them with a plan, and then at least you are showing that you are taking responsibility. My dad paid my credit card debt off and then I paid him back, so I wasn't paying silly interest (different circs, due to funding of my course my income suddenly went to £0 when my sister got married at 21yo and was no longer classed as dependent of my parents so my bursary was cut).
- Speak to the bank about arranging interest free graduate overdraft/student overdraft. You can pay it back later; if it's interest free and you are just buying time till you earn a guaranteed big fat salary then it's a no-brainer IMO (and what I did, and it never caused me a problem, I paid it back before I spent anything on myself!). - Go through and apply for every grant and bursary you can from any Trust you can find that will support people on legal courses. Free money is free money. I went to Ethiopia as part of my course for less effort than it took to write an essay.

You can get through this. Also, if you are not allowed to work during the course, I would check to see if that also applies to 'up until the course start date' as if you have finished one course and not yet started another, you aren't counted as a student, so I find it hard to believe that if you finish in June and start a course in Sept then you can't work AT ALL in July and August- what do they expect you to do? What if you were in employment at the moment, would they make you quit?

You might have done some of these things or they might not apply but I just thought it might be of some use. You can get out the other side, it's achieveable, lots of people make mistakes and it doesn't mean you're the dumbest or most spoilt person out there, I know people who've done worse, on more OR less money. My 1st year housemate ("Daddy pays my credit card bill, of course") spent the money for her 2nd fees instalment on clothes. Daddy wasn't happy. My old housemate took out a graduate loan and was in more debt than I was (still a student) even though he was on over £24k as a teacher.