How to get through to OH?

pixiepeople

ZTD wrote: »

Talking is about communicating. If your lips move and words come out and what you say isn't the message you want to put across - then you're not communicating either.have tried to,i have been straight with him instead of beating about the bush as we usually do



Ask for what you want. No more - no less. Then if you get it, you have no complaints.



Absolutely. What's wrong with answering a straight question, with a straight answer?nothing at all..if you get it

After all, when traffic lights are on red - you don't have to guess what that means...

I really have tried you know:o

ZTD

pixiepeople wrote: »

I really have tried you know:o

I don't doubt that you've tried. But it sounds like this is a new tack you've tried. He'll be confused, and probably a little bit scared of the change. You will have to give it time and persistance. Not in a nagging sort of way, but in a "putting him at ease" sort of way.

Depending on how much has gone on before - he may be feeling a bit "rabbit in headlights..."

ZTD

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

Some good advice by chev, it would be unwise to make things worse it may make you feel more depressed by the upheavel. Interesting to have a male perspective z, i never thought about that line of logic as Mr. bob is fond of sulks as well, and is always reckoning he can't win an argument- probably due to my having a long memory and being able to quote arguments word for word back at him. Thanks

A argument is like a war. No one wins them. What you need is a discussion. No one loses a discussion.

vandanfc

ZTD wrote: »

A argument is like a war. No one wins them. What you need is a discussion. No one loses a discussion.

That is one of the major points here - he won't have a discussion, because to him there is not a problem. You can't have a discussion with only one participant.

You can't make someone talk to you, no matter how rational, unemotive you are.

ZTD

vandanfc wrote: »

That is one of the major points here - he won't have a discussion, because to him there is not a problem.

To him there is a problem. He's been told that. The difficulty is what to do about it. If you ignore it - perhaps it goes away.

vandanfc wrote: »

You can't have a discussion with only one participant.

You can't make someone talk to you, no matter how rational, unemotive you are.

Well that's the problem. You can't "make" them do anything. Persuasion is the key. And that takes time.

Much as we'd all like our problems to be fixed immediately. They're not.

pixiepeople

chevalier wrote: »

Whilst I know that he is being a a*s, I would put off doing this UNTIL YOU HAVE SEEN A GP. If you are depressed, this can switch off your emotions. I am coming (slowly) out of the other side of depression. At the begining it felt like I was on one side of a wall, and my positive emotions and feelings on the other. I didn't feel love, happiness, joy only anger, disinterest, sadness, or sometimes nothing at all. My children would be crying and I would feel nothing, mainly vague irritation that they were needing my attention. That is when I went and got help

You may find that some form of intervention (and don't dismiss tablets they helped me), will give you a different perspective on things.

chev

This is exactly what I feel like...like i am in a bubble and the world is happening around me.
Ijust dont care anymore.


I made an appointment at the doctors,I go on Monday pm.
We talked some more last night,but nothing has been resolved.
he thinks I need a break away from him and the kids.
which I think on one hand is good but the other I just think where the hell would i go?
When i mentioned trial break he said I cant go,I just cant do that.

chevalier

I am very glad you have got the GP's appointment. Well done on that. But when you get there you HAVE TO BE HONEST, no putting a gloss on it, tell him how you REALLY feel at the moment. This was the hardest thing for me to do, as I tried my best to put a good front on it to family, friends and my GP when I had gone for other things. Actually speaking about the way I was feeling was hard. I am SO glad he was sympathetic.

I hope that the GP can help you. Then give it a bit of time to let the medication (probably this in the first instance), kick in before you make any decisions. You may find that once you are calmer yourself, that the situation is easier to resolve.

chev

pixiepeople

Well I went to the Docs...he has given me anti-D's and signed me off work for 2 weeks.
I just cant face it at the mo.
Had a pretty good weekend with OH,( a bit of bedroom action ) I think he thought all was well.
But on Sun night I ended up crying myself to sleep.
He wanted to comfort me but I still feel that he cant.... ie....he is part of the problem.
So things are back the way they were before,he is turning everything back on to him.How he feels,what its doing to him,he's upset etc etc etc
He doesnt seem to "get" it which I find really annoying.
I just feel like screaming at him:mad:
I know all this talk of a trial seperation shocked him but I just want him to understand its ME not HIM and at the mo its MY feelings I care about.

chevalier

This is the hardest part, waiting for the tablets to start working. Have you told him the GP's diagnosis? What did he say? Are your work ok about being off sick, ie you get sick pay ok don't you?

I hope that you can sort it out for both of you.
chev

pixiepeople

chevalier wrote: »

This is the hardest part, waiting for the tablets to start working. Have you told him the GP's diagnosis? What did he say? Are your work ok about being off sick, ie you get sick pay ok don't you?

I hope that you can sort it out for both of you.
chev

He knows what the Doc said,he said he is worried about me.
I think that he thinks all of our problems are because I am depressed...not that I am depressed because of our problems.:rolleyes:
I do get sick pay,so thats OK,although TBH I dont really care what work think anyway.
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
that is how I feel!