How to get through to OH?

pixiepeople

.........................

jennyred

hi and welcome.

I suggest you come and join us on the shopaholic anonomous thread. Its a great place to confess your sins and get support from others like me who have a habit of compulsive spending!!! you just need to see my signature to see how bad my problem was!!!

dont know how to do a link but it is somewhere on the first 1-2 pages.

see you there!!

Benthosboy

pixiepeople wrote: »

OH is pretty rubbish about supporting me,leaves all the money stuff to me,which can be quite hard as I dont think he takes it seriously.
quote]


FWIW, my advice is to sit down with you OH and tell him that he needs to be involved with the finances. Both of you are responsible for the incomings and outgoings so you both should be responsible for sorting it all out.

MY marriage has just disintegrated before my eyes and I'm fairly sure that one of the main causes of this is that I didn't get involved in the finances and I now find myself with some serious debt, (see my signature). I simply left it all to the wife for no other reason than she said she was happy to do it. If I'd been involved, she might still be leaving me and while I can't blame her entirely for the s**t that I'm now in, at least I'd have known about it and could have started trying to sort it sooner.
Martyn.

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi pixie
I know what you mean about wanting to be anonomous!! I've got friends I've told about this site & although I'm very open with how much I owe, there are certain emotional things I want to be able to talk to someone about that actually doesn't know me, sounds odd I know I like to be able to talk about anything I want to on here without worrying that I'll upset anyone etc

I'm totally obsessed with money saving too, tell your OH it's better than being obsessed with spending.
Big Hugs Benthosboy:grouphug: keep working at it, I think the majority of the arguments I've ever had with OH have been money related - you're not alone

Little_Chicken

jennyred wrote: »

hi and welcome.

I suggest you come and join us on the shopaholic anonomous thread. Its a great place to confess your sins and get support from others like me who have a habit of compulsive spending!!! you just need to see my signature to see how bad my problem was!!!

dont know how to do a link but it is somewhere on the first 1-2 pages.

see you there!!

YaY!!!!! we're all loverly us spendaholics:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

skintbutsmiling01

he needs to have his own lbm, he is probably doing ok, not had major probs so therefore doesnt need/want to change.
Perhaps prepare a budget then let him see what the end outcome will be if you both stick to it?
Good luck tonight xx

Merlot

Pixiepeople,

My OH is the same, not interested in any aspect of the financial side of things. I do the lot, and I give him pocket money each month so I know were I am and he is quite happy with it, I have never understood how two people who are married who have seperate bank accounts and spilt the bills, everything should be in one account and one person should be in charge of it, too many cooks and all that, doesn't work.

We don't have any debt either now, because I worked hard to get us out of the mess me and OH got ourselves into a few years ago, if I left it upto my OH we would be on consolidation loan number 5 by now. My OH has'nt had his LBM yet either really, I took away his credit cards, so he can't spend on them, and he sees me much happy now so I guess he is unlikely to spend unneccessarily cause he wouldn't want me to have sleepless nights again.

Take control of the financial affairs and you will feel much better for it, and maybe your OH wants you to take control but hasn't mentioned it.

Merlot.x.

kyh

Pixie people

I know exactly where you are coming from on this - had the talk with my DH last week and he nodded in all the right places and agreed to help and support me in my DFW journey then he goes on this week about needing to get new tyres for the car and they'll be x amount qnd he'd really like to this and this for the car and I'm thinking hang on I want to clear my debts, I'm the main wage earner etc etc.

Simple for him he was declared bankrupt in Jun 06 and since then I have had to manage and control all finances but because of the amount of commuting he has to do for work more often than not he has the sole bank card so he can get petrol etc.

I have decided though that when the wages go in on Friday this week I am going to move most of it out of the current account and into the budget/savings account - then if he needs money he will have to ask in advance as opposed to going and taking it out of the cash point - sounds harsh but we are going to have a really costly month this month and next as we are moving and then we lose his wages.

You are not on your own in this - the debts I have are mine from before I met my husband but the reason I have not cleared them sooner is because I have been supprting him for so long.

Lets be strong together and take charge!!

fetherston

Oh Merlot I know exactly what you are saying . My OH does not work because of sickness, will not claim sickness benefit and so has no money. It has not stopped him running up £55k on credit cards. Im not paying them but I do wonder what will happen next. (Luckily the house is in my name).

cat4772

Pixie

My husband was pretty much the same (actually apart from the mortgage, the debts are his). But as he could make the minimum payment each month he didn't see a problem with the debt (CC at 24%, loan at 49%, OD at 20%) until I showed him how much he was paying in interest each month and OVERALL! That really opened his eyes cos he wanted to take a 5 year loan to buy a bike and I showed him that if he was clever with his money he could buy the bike outright in FOUR years and have brand new kit to go with it!

Long story short, it didn't work terribly well as a motivation tool so now I sort out all the money; but he's happy with it because it was a revelation to him about money. discussions used to end in tears (mine) and screaming (him) but I made it a point each week to talk money "We have X in the bank, I'll use Y to pay Z bill" end of disccusion; just so he'd know that it could be rational. Later on it became "We have X in the bank, I'll use Y to pay Z bill, what do you think?" and he started offering his opinion.

I've no doubts that if he had access to more he'd spend more but this isn't a quick fix solution and even in a relationship becoming debt-free can be a solitary journey. My advice keep a record and look back every so often to see how far you've come.

I'm a shopaholic but now I set myself a limit (when the urge strikes) and I'm happy to stop when I've spent up (apart from a Radley bag in the sale, that would tempt me to spend)...

Cat.x

kyh

cat4772 wrote: »

Pixie

I've no doubts that if he had access to more he'd spend more but this isn't a quick fix solution and even in a relationship becoming debt-free can be a solitary journey. My advice keep a record and look back every so often to see how far you've come. Are you married to my husband as well? Is this a bygamy thing?

I'm a shopaholic but now I set myself a limit (when the urge strikes) and I'm happy to stop when I've spent up (apart from a Radley bag in the sale, that would tempt me to spend)... Are you me? Have I got multiple personalities??

Cat.x

Cat we all seem to have similar problems - maybe we should form a wives and partners club - we could be the WAGS of MSE:D