The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread!

RoxieW

It was our first wedding anniversary last sat and I fell off the wagon. Drinks with dinner on sat, the more drinks with dinner at home on mon, then finished the bottle on weds - although, tb fair, I would normally have finished the bottle that same night. I think my tolerance for it is lowering - I didnt even finish the bottle when we went out for dinner and at £25 a bottle I would normally polish every last drop off!
Anyways, not touched a drop since weds but am taking a friend out for dinner for her b\day tomo. Now, it should be easy to abstain as she's pregnant so not drinking - but I just cant go out for dinner and not have wine. I'm going to limit myself to two glasses.
Have decided to aim for only 2 drinking days a week, which I think is realistic as I dont think i can give it up socially.:o

jo1972

Well done Roxie!

Tolerance lowers to a normal limit within 3-4 days so I've been told my counsellers in the past, but the minute you have a skinful, then follow up with another, within a week your tolerance will be back up to where it was i.e. not a cheap date no more

RoxieW

thanks jo - I used to drink wine most nights if not every night and could go on and on - now that I've cut down I'm finding that after 3 glasses I've 'had enough'.

although - is anyone else finding any seemingly negative effects to their health?? It sounds really strange I know but when I drank, I didnt get hangovers or notice and ill effects (obviously there are some though!) - but since I've cut down I've been waking up in the morning with a really dry mouth, really tired/hard to get out of bed and a permanent sore throat. Am wondering if it could be related to cutting down, ie getting rid of toxins or something????

ageing_biker

wish the weather would warm up, cant wait to get the barbie out,

Leigh73

Flippin' eck Jo, your arm looks poorly!

Sorry to hear you had a dodgy nurse taking the blood by the sounds of it.

How's your weekend?

I'm sat here with chocolate cake..yet another vice I can't manage in moderation!

Leigh x

Pinkylouloubell

:huh: Hi.

Just reading through all your threads.

I am not a drinker myself (my vice is food), but my partner is an alcoholic.

I just dont know what to do anymore, as I sit here typing this I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

We have been together for 11 years and have a beautiful 8 year old son.

His drinking started when we were both in our teens and used to go to the pub nightly and have 2 pints of cider each and literally wobble home.
Seemed so harmless back then.

But now it has become a real problem and I cant stand it anymore.

He starts drinking at around 7pm and will have 6-8 cans a night (lager).
More at weekends I think.

His whole personality has changed so much over the last few years, he seems so rigid and unhappy all the time, I try to talk to him and tell him that it is not good for him and worry so much about what he is doing to himself.

I see the change in him through the evening too and slowy watch him start to sway and become argumentative.

He only just manages to get up in the mornings for work and his alarms can go off 5 times and he will just not wake up.
He has got later and later and Im scared he will lose his job too.

He has really distanced himself from me and just needs to "chill".

Sometimes when I have spoken to him he says he knows he has a problem and wants to change, but then nothing ever happens and I just cant be in a relationship where there is NO closeness whatsover.

I feel such pity towards him when I see him swaying all over the place and just want to help him, but dont know how anymore.

Please help me try and understand what it is like in his shoes.
I have been in counselling for 2 years now and was once told that when I get angry at him to remember that he has an "illness" , just like I do with food.

Please dont judge me, I just need advice

singlemum_4

Hi Pinkylouloubell Im sending you big hugs honey :grouphug: sounds like you really need them.

Im sure the others will come up with much better advice, but for me the realisation (and its taken a long while) that my (and my ex's) drinking majorly contributed to the break up of our marrige and the effect it has on the kids has been a real wake up call for me. Its really early days for my alcohol free/less journey but im already feeling and seeing the benifts. Even falling off the wagon on Friday taught me that I really don't want to feel like I did yesterday ever again and the dissapointment in my daughters face was just really awful. But your OH has to want to give up, a bit like food I suppose noone can do it for you, you have to do it for yourself.

Sorry if that was a bit of a ramble hope it helps in some way

Leigh, great to hear you are still there hun. Well done for looking at the positives and for having an alcohol free week. Im sure a better job with nicer people will be around the corner. And cholcolate cake, well you've got to make up the lost calories some how:rotfl:

BHB, was a good girl last night stuck to the tea and biccies

Jo, Roxie, NT and everyone else hope you're all doing OK and having a lovely weekend.

SM xx

In_Search_Of_Me

Mornin all...pinkyloubell it may be worth you going to an alanon meeting? Your Oh has to decide if he wants to give up the booze but that doesent mean you have to decide to stay & be miserable...each of you is responsible for your own choices...hugs for you
Hello others - jo - oww to that bruise! Nasty! Well done BB & try & stay positive leigh. Did you think any more about councelling? It may help you work through thoughts and move forward positively? Hope the flat comes up soon. Excercise may help release those happy hormones?!!
Day 8 for me! Managed no alch but didnt do as well on smoking but feel ok about this, even better now that I've woken up with lungs feeling yukky, flat stinking & I only had 6!! I think you do initially feel worse as your body adjsts to no alch & for me it a learning curve that I now longer enjoy drinking like I used to - just makes me feel physically & emotionally rubbish! I have a works night out on Friday & will drive! Sure I'll be popular & it will be intersting to see others get plastered as I remain sober!! Hope youre all ok?!

barshamhillbilly

Leigh73 wrote: »

Things are better. I'm seeing a lovely young Lady, I did get my previous job (out of 60-odd others who didn't), even if they didn't think I was fitting in...I've received a letter from the council / Housing Association, telling me that I've been assessed as being a 'priority need' and so I'm relatively close to the top of the list apparently.

I'm intelligent, I care about being better, doing better and moving forwards with finding a job where I feel valued, which is rewarding, and where I can help other people (and not bullied for petty cr*p like at my last job!) I'm trying to apply for the 'TeleTech' job as found on MSE..but I cant get their assessment to load! (posted on the 'Another real work at home job thread')

I'm even looking at applying for a Taxi driving licence, so I can bring in the dosh while I look at what I 'really' want to do. A local 'Remploy' - type organisation have told me that they'll meet the cost of applying (around £180..gulp!) so that's great news.

I care about people. I have a loving cat at my Dads who I'm about to snuggle up with to watch a film!

I helped my Dad re-do his wall by the drive yesterday..a great workout, mixing all the concrete, and lugging bricks about!..... and a fantastic feeling seeing a good job well done.

Oh, and I'm sober!

That' the way to look at things Leigh - positive thoughts - well done on taking a new perspective keep it up - IT WILL COME RIGHT :T

Roxie - 2 days a week sounds a good point to aim for :T

Pinkylouloubell - Your other half really needs to see his GP. They really can help. Would he be willing to try? As ISOM says Al Anon and other groups also supports families as well as the one who is struggling.

Singlemum :T

Everyone else - Keep trying hard & come back here instead of having one!

And of course - eat chocolate!

BHB







Best Wishes Andy

jo1972

Morning all

Pinkylouloubell, welcome to the thread and thanks for your great post, nobody will judge you on your honesty or feelings here, we have posters from both sides of the spectrum and I think we all understand each other fairly well. ISOM's suggestion of an Al-Anon meeting is a good one, Al-Anon is for friends and families of alcoholics so you would be most welcome at a meeting. Although probably initially you'd prefer to get some information from the internet and there are a few online forums you could post on. Your post brought tears to my eyes cos I am the same as your partner. I started drinking a couple of pints after work when my colleagues invited me to go to the pub with them on the way to the station in the evening, this ended up happening everynight, just 2 beers, less than an hour, then went home and didn't think about it again. Then a few months later a couple of my co-workers left or for one reason or another didn't go to the pub and I felt empty. I wasn't gonna go to the pub by myself (I was 21 and obv being female it would look at bit weird!), so I picked up 1 can of Stella at the offy when I got out of the station. I looked forward to having this whilst cooking the dinner. Very quickly I bought 2, then obviously it went up and up and so did my tolerance. I've actually drank 8-10 cans of Stella in the past and my OH didn't actually know I'd had a drink :eek:

My personality has also changed, I relate to being rigid and unhappy. My doctor wanted to put me on anti-depressants a few weeks ago but I tried to explain that it's the drinking that is knocking me back so if I take the drugs then kick the drink then I'm gonna be worried about coming off the drugs! I don't need any other vices, I've had quite a few in my time! I know for a fact when I stopped drinking for 4 months in 2006 I was the happiest I've been in since I was a teenager (I'm now 36!). Things seemed manageable, I remembered everything I had to do, days seemed longer, my kids seemed to want to spend time with me, I was more organised, god I could go on and on about the great things that you notice in sobriety. Drinking surpresses everything, dulls everything, then you wake up with a hangover - whether you feel it anymore or not, eventually my whole life turned into a hangover, I was constantly grotty and didn't even realise, I had no motivation whatsoever. I did abstain through 2 pregnancies but I was a dry drunk and thought about having a drink the whole time, I was pretty miserable. The first thing I did on coming out of hospital was have a drink. I so wish there was something you could do, but unfortunately if you keep going on at him about it (and I don't mean to say that you do, just can't think how to phrase it!), then he will (I would imagine) become extremely defensive cos he knows in his heart of hearts that he has a problem and he may still be in the denial stage where he's trying to forget it. He may be at the stage where he definately knows he's got a problem but he's embarrassed to admit it to you (although he knows you know iykwim!). For him to admit he has a problem is the biggest thing he will ever do, getting help for it is the second. Does he know you post on here? If so, maybe show him this thread and let him have a read through. I wish I could help, but unfortunately it's all up to him now. Well done for being so supportive good luck and please keep posting, it's good to see the other side of things (well for me anyway ) x

Ermmm, sorry for that long post, my fingers ran away with me :rotfl:

Roxie, I find that when I abstain from drinking for a while then have a drink I feel like death! I think that's cos I was always suffering a hangover and forgot what it was like to feel normal!

Leigh, a chocolate cake will never kill ya.......well unless it was a giant one falling from a great height!

How's you this morning SM?

ISOM, day 8 woohoo! Well done! Your mates are gonna start relying on you being the nominated driver, you'd better watch that!

Morning BHB :wave:

Well day one (again), today is definately the day cos I'm back at work tomorrow and am on a training course all day somewhere out in the wilderness, so not only do I have to drive myself there and I dunno where it is but I have to concentrate for the whole day :eek: I need a clear head. So wish me luck

xx