The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread!

jo1972

Beth, have a fantastic holiday, I'm not jealous or anything :rolleyes:

xx

winebox

Bismarck wrote: »

winebox ...your situation is different because it's hard to see what your long-term objective is...is it feasible for you to stop altogether? Or are you aiming for a one-bottle-on-a-Friday existence - something I could never do...

Er, you asked for it! - my long-term objective is to get back to the relationship I had with alch oh, about 10 years ago. I have always been a drinker, 30 years since I started, I love it, despite what Allen Carr says I loved the taste straight off have not had to work at it!, I definitely find it can enhance situations & how I feel, & finally I am lucky to not get hangovers (I might feel tired but am NEVER sick or get headache etc. I was only ever sick once - vodka, 20 yrs ago - & since then I never touch spirits).
The difference is, I never used to use / abuse it in the way I have done over the last 7/8 years. It was always fun, I sometimes drank far too much, I often had days I didn't drink at all without even thinking about it, it was there for my pleasure when I chose.

The story now is very different. As you know I've been drinking 2 bottles of wine every night for some time. The mere repetitiveness takes the fun out of it, it ceases to become a pleasure, it's just "something that I do".

It started shortly after DD was born, nothing of course to do with her directly but it exposed the gaping holes & abuse in my marriage (we had only been married 1 year when she was born). I am not going to go into detail about what went on or why I wouldn't walk away, but I was trapped, trapped, trapped, very deeply unhappy & alch was my way out, my release. During this time I lost my Mum, 5 years ago. She was my best friend & we chatted on the phone every day but it's a measure of my general despair that I hardly felt any grief at the time, that came much later, after my husband died. Not an ending I would wish on ANYONE but as a close friend said, God has given you a way out. That was 2 years ago.

So, I really have no reason to carry on drinking that way any more & am trying to address it. But I don't want to give up, I want to go back to how it was. That's why I'm pleased about last night - I didn't carry on on my own. I am goingto my friend's annual BBQ today & again, i will be drinking, but for me it's about learning to know when to stop, all over again! It's almost (sort of) like when you very first start & you don't know your limits & you make mistakes. I have put damage limitation in place - kids party is at midday I usually turn up then with DD and.....stay! But I am going to drop her off & then go back later. Taxi booked for 7.30 home & am going to try not to have any more then. We'll see.....

Primary objective - stop the solitary drunkeness (I could've just said that & spared you the above, oh well it's out now)

Beth - fabbo holiday!!

Jo, keep at it girl.

everyone else - may your weekends go as you would wish.

(shoppy if you want that Islander book pm me yr address & I'll send you my copy)

Bismarck

thanks winebox....you've more than touched on some important areas there...I've known people who would give almost anything to be able to "drink normally". I used to be able to BUT with huge potential to overdo it and yet there were episodes dating back to my teens where I didn't stop when I should have done...I could list numerous occasions where the smart thing to do would have been to stay at home and have a brew....I remember having an internal promotion interview and going out the night before to celebrate my 25th birthday.....I vaguely remember saying no to going to a nightclub but it was hardly ideal preparation for the interview next morning...

I digress - I'm actually struggling on this one- maybe I just find the idea of controlled drinking hard to fathom/ contemplate so I'll leave that to the experts...

jo1972

winebox wrote: »

But I don't want to give up, I want to go back to how it was.

This is a very important point and I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but I think you already know it anyway. Once you've passed a point with alcohol it's nigh on impossible to go back, this is the thing that I'm stuggling with and this is why AA says 'one day at a time' cos to think of the rest of your life not drinking will probably stop you trying. Some people can, but I think it's safe to say that I can't, tried it and failed at it, so I know what I need to do.....it's just bluddy doing it :mad:

winebox

Thanks Bis & Jo. I am aware I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago & maybe as you say Jo I have passed a point I can't get back past. But, being argumentative!, & maybe naive, I am hoping.......
I'm not even seeking ever-controlled drinking, as long as I don't literally end up in the gutter / being v ill / getting into trouble (all of which I never have, I think I just fall asleep before it gets that far!) even overdoing it occasionally can be, well not fun, but it happens. It's the nature of the beast. It's this night after night getting systematically drunk on my own I desperately want to leave behind. To that end, the last week (5 days), for me, has been quite successful - 4 days alch free even tho I had a meal at OH's & a pub lunch & by my own rules would hav been "allowed" a drink, & last night was in company (caveat - as I said, that was lucky chance, I would've gone down the usual road had he not turned up....) & did not carry on afterwards. What happens today remains to be seen but the biggest challengs to START with is the week-day evenings on my own - if I can keep up what I did this week I'll be pleased. Beware Friday nights though. And if it all starts to slip, then I have to explore the abstinence route.
(not til I bl**dy well have to though).
I appreciate your views, & I tend to respond quickly & then go away& think some more You'll be there with me this afternoon!
Have to go now, prob back tomorrow, very good luck with your paths today x

jo1972

I hope I didn't upset you WB, that was definately not my intention, just my views and....really..I was just talking about me and my fears for myself

Enjoy the weekend

Bismarck

Best wishes to both of you...I know where Jo is coming from....but still hold to the belief that we all have an equilibrium point that's best for us and attainable and sustainable in the long run...some are lucky and can just switch off when they reach the peak point...others can't..c'est la vie.....as more general point for the thread....I try to remain conscious (!) of the fact that some folks on here just want to cut down and that's great - I'm just no good at that!

jo1972

Bismarck wrote: »

I try to remain conscious (!) of the fact that some folks on here just want to cut down and that's great - I'm just no good at that!

I 100% agree with you Bis, it's just that there are those that drink far to much but don't have an actual problem stopping for a period of time, or those that can happily drink 2 instead of 4 and not have to worry about it and those that spend most of their day thinking about drinking.

The original aim of this thread as it's on the DFW board is cutting down to save money, I think I shall look more into this avenue as it might give me more of an incentive.

spam.jam

I just went for a nice meal with my kiddies. I had a diet coke and drove us home, no worrries. It is hard to resist, especially when my youngest says 'Its ok mummy you can have a beer if you want' arrgh!! The old me would have had two pints before the food arrived, four more during the meal and told the kids we are walking home, and upon arriving home I would have probably either fallen asleep whilst kids looked after themselves or dragged them round to some friends house where I could drink myself into next week. Im so glad things are different

Bingowings_2

2nd Day for me as I'm working again tonight.

Many thanks for your post Eselt, quite shocking that it can be precieved that my problem is that bad. Is too easy to think when you hear the quote 'Is alcohol costing you more than money' No it's not, I still have my job, partner and relatively stable homelife (apart from the minor rows when drunk). However it would be very easy for that situation to change, and it's not a situation I want to end up in.

Anyhow - am on on my jollies on Monday, will have no booze tomorrow as am working tomorrow night so that will be day three, after that I fully expect a wobble day. Will avoid drinkies on the plane due to being asleep - after a 12 hr shift should find that easy! And as long as I can avoid buying any duty free's at the airport, I feel I should be okay on hoilday. Despite it being all inclusive - only 'national' drinks ie local beer and rum are free, I dislike rum and the thought of having to pay for drinks on an all inclusive rather takes the shine off I feel. Am also only going for a week, so not too much time to spend off the wagon... if I do fall.

Hope everyone is as sober as intended - shall catch up with you all in about 10 days or so, but your thoughts will be with me.