The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread!

barshamhillbilly

Crongrats on the full week Craig :T:T

Leigh - Great news about the flat. Have you tried your local Freecycle for all your furniture? Our home has practically been made with freecycle stuff. All for zero poundies

Jo - your friend sounds like she is in real trouble :eek:

Anyway enjoy the sunny? day peeps.

We have people over for coffee in a minute, different people for lunch and expecting the two eldest boys over some time later ...... blimey busy day!!!!! :eek:


BHB

jo1972

Morning Andy,

Blimey you're like social butterflies

Have a lovely day, hope it stays nice so you can get some time out in the garden with your guests.

I meant to ask, and you're probably too busy to answer now, but, how's Mrs BHB doing with the drinking?


xx

barshamhillbilly

jo1972 wrote: »

I meant to ask, and you're probably too busy to answer now, but, how's Mrs BHB doing with the drinking?xx

Umm ...... better ...... but not as good as me

Social butterflies? Not bad for a diagnosed Socialphobic hey? :rotfl::rotfl:

Best Wishes
Andy Pandy

barshamhillbilly

BHB's Quote of the day:

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]
"If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim."[/FONT]

Leigh73

jo1972 wrote: »

Leigh :wave: so pleased you came back to let us know how you are! We do worry on here you know

That is absolutely fantastic news about the flat, I know you're worrying about living alone but I do remember you mentioning a few irritations you had going on when living with your dad so your life will be yours to live now and only you can decide how to live it. Is that job you applied for still available, now that you can have a phone line to yourself?

I think you needed that last bender to appreciate how close to the edge you live sometimes. Maybe write down anything you can remember leading up to it, during it and how you felt after and now and go back to that when things look dodgy. I am so pleased to hear you've got counselling, it's surprising how many people don't consider binge drinking every few weeks or even months as as much of a problem as daily drinkers....in fact for your health it's worse. As a daily drinker I can manage day to day stuff, my body tolerates the amount of alcohol I drink, apart from driving (which I wouldn't do), I can do pretty much everything else as normal. But binge drinkers, after the alcohol leaves the body after 4 days the tolerance goes back to where it was and the body can't cope with copious amounts of it, which leads to black outs and doing stuff like disappearing (hotels and big CC bills etc :rolleyes: ). This is how daily drinkers can easily consume an amazing amount of alcohol and still be coherent compared to those that just go to the pub once a week.....I've always been the last one standing during evenings out

Please keep posting Leigh, let us know how your flat is inside and make sure you've got internet on as soon as possible so you can get on here when you're home alone if you need to.

xx

I hope you've had a lovely day Jo, Barsham Billy, Craig and co.

Jo, you're so right, in that it's high time I started living my Life, how I want to..

Thank You so much for such a kind and supportive reply.

My body clock is all over the place right now, as I've been staying up at night, and then not being able to get up in the day

Dad is no help. He's been great on the practical front. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate it, but as far as feelings go, he just makes me feel worse.

I was out in the garden this morning, when he came back from his girlfriends (a cold fish, who's not bothered with me in 10 years really)..

He'll ask me something, and then while I'm answering, he'll obviously only be half listening, an will interrupt. Just rude, and no need for it.

I've calmly, and politely asked him in the past if he would mind, stopping doing that, and he's taken to saying 'sorry, there I go, interrupting again', but he still carries on doing it, and it p*sses me off something chronic!

We sometimes put up with far too much, I think, just because they are our parents..

He's just so negative about Life, and over the years, and it's not helped.

He's never encouraged me, doesn't seem to have any faith in me, and it hurts.

I asked hime a while back, "Dad, do you have faith in me, that I can give up the drink"...He replied with some vague cr*p about how he knew that I 'wanted to do it'..

In the garden this morning, I told him that it'd been 2 weeks since my last drink, to which he replied "Yeah, I realise that." That was it!

I know it's a mugs game, subconciously expecting your Dads 'approval', but wouldn't it be nice, if he just said "Well Done mate, you're doing well"?!

He keeps going on so much about my new flat, and when I'll be me moving in, that it's obvious that he can't wait to have me gone, and that makes me sad.

Is it such a lot to ask, to want your Dad to listen occasionally, and to try and boost you up a bit every so often? This hurts.

It doesn't help that I'm adopted, and that my Mum (who adopted me, and who was my best friend, who I loved so much) died in '96.

That just adds, to my feeling less and less connection with him.

My Dad has always been quick to point out how I 'can't' do things...

My most vivd memory, is of when I had a second hand Mini when I was 21, and I was all enthusiastic, telling Mum about how I was going to change the water filter..I mean, I'd never been that good at mechanics or anything, but I'd read up on it, bought the part, and was all set to do it...

Dad quickly said "(Sigh) Ah, listen, you can't change a water filter...you've never done it before..."

Again, it hurt, and 12 years on such a small thing has stuck in my mind.

I remember getting very angry at the time, and his negativity since Mum dies has without a doubt, got worse.

Sorry if I'm going on a bit here, but I've hardly been out on this beautiful, sunny day. Been sleeping since about 4pm to 8.30pm. Dad was in garden, and then to his Girlfriends and back here. Not once, has he come upstairs to offer a cuppa, or anything, and as it's always me that takes the initiative, I've just had it with him.

The adoption thing in particular, seems to make me feel less and less 'connected with' and 'belonging to' Dad as time goes on, and it's when I feel this lack of 'roots', this sense of belonging, that I feel so sad, so lonely, that I end up getting a taxi out of here, into town, thinking "F*ck you" to my Dad and to his Girlfriend, and to all the people who bullied me at school, end up thinking too much about why my Mum had to die when she was 45, my Nan when she was 65 ( I was 22 and 25 respectively), feel angry and just drink..to get drunk.

I have money in the bank, and I could've gone out last night / this afternooon / this evening, and drank, but I haven't.

I'm never going to get that 'pat on the back' from Dad that I'd so love, and I doubt I'm ever going to feel like he takes my opinions / aims in Life seriously, so maybe I should start patting myself on the back a bit more, and going a bit easier on myself eh?!

Thanks for letting me offload on here.

I was feeling so flippin' low just half an hour ago, and it helps to 'write' this down.

Much Love to you all,

Leigh x

beachbeth

Glad you were able to offload, Leigh. I hope it helped. I think it shows a strength to be able to face problems in your family without turning to drink. (I know because I have turned to drink in order to vent my frustrations in the past). Im sure your nan and mum are looking down on you and sending you their own strength.

I think its easy to get sucked in when you are with someone who is so negative and it makes you feel bad yourself. Im glad you can say f**k to all those negative people in your life past and present and look ahead in a determined and positive way.

Heres a pat on the back from me! :T :wave:

jo1972

Leigh73 wrote: »

maybe I should start patting myself on the back a bit more, and going a bit easier on myself eh?!

This is the journey I'm doing at the moment Leigh, I beat myself up constantly, rebel against myself and allsorts and it's really getting me nowhere. There are things I need to change in my life, big things, but I'm not ready to do that yet. Although I am beginning to realise what needs doing and am finding my feet again in a sane mind, a mind that I've not really been taking much notice of.

Don't worry about what other people are thinking, I even think in circumstances like this, even the nearest and dearest should be ignored, listen to yourself.

I think you are in a good place mentally at the moment and getting this flat is a whole new journey for you, you can do whatever you want, go wherever you want, be whatever you want to be without anyone getting in the way. Just make that place/person a positive one, live your dreams....blimey I'm so jealous!!

Keep posting

Strangest thing happened to me tonight, I'd had my quota of 3 beers and was busting for a 4th. Felt really thirsty and thought I wonder if I quench the thirst I won't need the beer so decided to have an orange squash. Had 3 mugs of squash and haven't drunk anything else, I'm amazed at myself! Something about drinking just doesn't seem worth it or exciting anymore.

xx

nearly-there_4

Hiya :wave:How's it going?
I've mostly been lurking and not posting this week.
I've enjoyed reading your posts.................heartfelt, painfully honest sometimes, yet warm and friendly............as always!!
My week's going okay..................can't remember what day I'm on..............wow !!.............however my lack of recall maybe due to the mushiness of my brain after a migraine midweek.....................rather than because it's been a long time since I had a drink..............anyhow I'm still dry over here..............it's about 6 or 7 weeks (but don't want to sound blazey (sp?) )

Leigh. You have a very good way of putting things down 'on paper' You're quite an eloquent writer. I hope it goes well with the counselling and that you will also be able to address the issues about your dad as well. Good luck in the new flat. Are you having a housewarming party?

CraigP Well done on reaching a week...............you did that ever so quietly :T

Jo Them there wise words on binge vs regular drinking. Thank you for keeping us posted on how you are getting along to

BHB I'm loving the quotes.................keep 'em coming.

Bismarck I looked up Jason Vale after the mention of the book. I only went and bought a juicing book '71bs in 7 days'..................and have been juicing since Wed. I've lost 51bs and have loads of energy to boot !! Hurrah !!

beachbeth how are you getting on?

Have a great week....................will sidle off as thinking that a BHB quote would have come in handy here as a closing point....................where is he when you need him?? :rotfl:

Bismarck

quote=Leigh73;11562381] I feel so sad, so lonely, that I end up getting a taxi out of here, into town, thinking "F*ck you" to my Dad and to his Girlfriend, and to all the people who bullied me at school, end up thinking too much about why my Mum had to die when she was 45, my Nan when she was 65 ( I was 22 and 25 respectively), feel angry and just drink..to get drunk.

[/quote]

After my ponderings of "why do I drink" over the last few months, I was thinking of asking all the regulars to sum up in one word why they drank.

Or try and come up with a top 5 triggers....and then I considered how complex the whole issue is...your post brought me back 16 years to the premature death of my father when I was in my early twenties. Such things change everything and sometimes these events need years to go through the system. I remember well a simple feeling of not caring as there didn't really seem much point.

It seemed very unfair that a life can go so quickly and so unexpectedly and it is unbalancing. There aren't many days that go by without me wishing I could have a conversation with him about things as they are now.

But I can't.

All I can do is look at what's ahead of me and do what's right for me and my family.

Your time will come, Leigh. Older men are often useless with compliments (apologies for the generalisation!) - I think it's something that they learn as they get older - I can feel it coming on me! It's as though saying positive stuff to a loved one can be construed as weakness and soft....

I'm sure your Dad is proud of you for many things, least of all not drinking for 2 weeks...he just doesn't know how to show it...

I'm meandering....anyway - welcome aboard Leigh.

Bismarck

nearly-there wrote: »

Bismarck I looked up Jason Vale after the mention of the book. I only went and bought a juicing book '71bs in 7 days'..................and have been juicing since Wed. I've lost 51bs and have loads of energy to boot !! Hurrah !!

good for you...we've got a splendid juicer - really should make more effort to use it....

tried veg too with limited success....was really ambitious once and put onions in....

TOP TIP : don't try this yourself. The results are unpleasant and can cause nausea.

Onions belong in stir-fries and sandwiches..not juice!