Do I "live" with my partner?

Icanandwillsavemoney

I would have thought you would need to be doing domestics for him, such as his washing and ironing and also taking cash from him as a contribution towards the household running costs for it to be construed as living together.

I may be wrong but ...

MrsE_2

Jo_R wrote: »

MrsE, I would probably be saying exactly the same things to someone else who posted of being in this situation.

Despite how it might come across, I am happy with this man. We are in a developing relationship, a boyfriend and girlfriend one if you like. Our relationship is exclusive, he is a good guy who works hard, and thinks the world of me. I know he wants us to take things further; he has made it clear that he wants us to get a house together, he wants us to live together. I have said no because I am not ready for this yet.

He has offered me money to pay for various things, he has in the past and continues to do so; I have said no because I don't see why he should be giving me money (which he would do) for expenses that have nothing to do with him. I have said I don't feel we are at a point where I can commit to living with someone yet, I do not want to rush into that kind of a relationship, but I care a lot about him and would consider that in the future when I feel that he has built a relationship with the girls (I only tend to see him when the girls are asleep or if they're at someone else's house.)

I hope that makes sense. Different things suit different people and emotionally I am thinking not just of my welfare but that of my children too, and obviously this has impacted on this situation that we are discussing now. I certainly would not continue a relationship with someone who I saw no future with, but I do not want to rush that future; as with any relationship I need to know for myself it is the right future for me and the girls.

So he does want to commit finincially & everyway, I see your point about taking it slow with the girls.

God I sound like a right gold digger, my husband has golddigga as his ring tone:rotfl: , he says it reminds him of me:rolleyes: , my friend used to say that song "pay my bills":o can't remember what it was called was my song too, it was a black girl group.

For the record I don't think you are doing anything wrong as regards benefits, I was just thinking of you as a woman.

pandas66

Jo_R wrote: »

And panda 66, no I wouldn't remove them. I'm not duplicituous, I don't feel like I have anything to hide, which is why to clear up the question "is he or isn't he?", I will be talking to the council. It's only since he started staying over more nights, recently that I have worried how it could be seen.

Thank you

I think youare correct to worry, if its too soon for you and he to move in together other than the finances then just be careful about how muchtime he does spend at yours 'over night'

I think he can spend every waking moment togther but not nights!

Fran

Jo_R wrote: »

And panda 66, no I wouldn't remove them. I'm not duplicituous, I don't feel like I have anything to hide, which is why to clear up the question "is he or isn't he?", I will be talking to the council. It's only since he started staying over more nights, recently that I have worried how it could be seen.

Why have you got ex's name on YOUR bills though? If you get an interview re the living together issue they might ask whose name the bills are in. Then you might be seen as having financial arrangements/living arrangements with TWO people!!! They are your bills so it just seems VERY odd that you would have ex's name on them when you are claiming to be a single person.

Jo_R_2

Fran wrote: »

Why have you got ex's name on YOUR bills though? If you get an interview re the living together issue they might ask whose name the bills are in. Then you might be seen as having financial arrangements/living arrangements with TWO people!!! They are your bills so it just seems VERY odd that you would have ex's name on them when you are claiming to be a single person.

The internet and phone are in ex's name because he set up those accounts and gave them his name because it was him who was speaking on the phone to sort it out. All payments have come from my account since set up and continue to do so.

The other two are addressed to me AND him, I have just never gotten round to changing them. Again all payments have come from my account for both of these.

That would be a complicated life if they thought I had arrangements with both of them :eek: Especially since ex is getting married next weekend and has just taken out a joint mortgage with his fiancee!

shellsuit

Icanandwillsavemoney wrote: »

I would have thought you would need to be doing domestics for him, such as his washing and ironing and also taking cash from him as a contribution towards the household running costs for it to be construed as living together.

I may be wrong but ...

How could anyone prove that they don't do these things though?

Broken_hearted

I'm confused, you are commited to saving up to buy a house with this man but not to losing HB to live with him. It might look to an outsider that you he was saving money by not living with you and that you were planning to benefit from this at a later date. Therefor by saving the deposit for you BOTH to buy a house he is contributing and that you are commiting fraud because you intend to benefit.
The situation has nothing to do with the children as he is already there most of the time, its about money.

Charis

These benefit rules are so complicated!

What would happen to a single person living in a commune? They don't have separate financial affairs.

Can a same sex couple be classed as 'living as man and wife'?

Why does the govt. happily tax each member of a couple as though they are single, contributing plenty to the system, but refuse to pay the unemployed partner anything when unemployed even if the other partner's income is insufficient to keep them both? (It is happening to a couple I know very well).

Benefit rules, like most other things the goverment is left to determine, seem to be arbitrary, often left to the discretion of one civil servant and abused by those who can find their way around the system.

Fran

Jo_R wrote: »

The internet and phone are in ex's name because he set up those accounts and gave them his name because it was him who was speaking on the phone to sort it out. All payments have come from my account since set up and continue to do so.

The other two are addressed to me AND him, I have just never gotten round to changing them. Again all payments have come from my account for both of these.

But the point is that this appears odd. The accounts are not your ex's. How would you feel if someone had your name on their bills? If you were unable to pay them it's him they would chase as your name's not on the bill - is this deliberate? It's just that if there is the possibility for this thought to come to me then it could also come to a person interviewing you. It could be seen that you haven't changed the names in order to benefit yourself and in that case how honest are you and are you doing the same with the man that spends MOST of the week sleeping at your place. Do you see what I mean - it's just that "oh I haven't bothered changing them" could put you in bad light.

Fran

Charis wrote: »

Can a same sex couple be classed as 'living as man and wife'?

Yes they are now but this change was only recent. Until then gay couples had a financial advantage when claiming benefits.