Do I "live" with my partner?

zebidee1

Fran wrote: »

But the point is that this appears odd. The accounts are not your ex's. How would you feel if someone had your name on their bills? If you were unable to pay them it's him they would chase as your name's not on the bill - is this deliberate? It's just that if there is the possibility for this thought to come to me then it could also come to a person interviewing you. It could be seen that you haven't changed the names in order to benefit yourself and in that case how honest are you and are you doing the same with the man that spends MOST of the week sleeping at your place. Do you see what I mean - it's just that "oh I haven't bothered changing them" could put you in bad light.

Just wanted to reply to this as I was in the same situation a few years ago. Bt phone bill and electric bill was in (then) OH's name. We split up and I just never bothered making the effort to change it. I didn't see the need tbh, I always paid the bills on time and never had a problem.

There was no particular decision to have things like this, it was just a kind of drift along not really thinking about it type of thing.

Anyway, about 18months later, I needed proof of something or other and was asked for a utility bill in my name. That was the first time I'd actually given it any thought and I reaslised I really should have changed it.

I phoned BT and their response was.......if you want the phone in your name, you'll need to pay a deposit as we have no dealings with you, only with your husband and you will need to be a new account. I explained I'd been paying the bills for the last 18months but that didn't matter, they wanted £500. I nearly fell off my seat. However, in the next breath, they then said 'just leave things as they are' and then it wont cost you anything.

As it happened, I wrote enclosing proof about my bill paying and they waived the deposit anyway, it wasn't as easy changing the name over as I'd thought it was going to be.

I think there may be angry women who hate their ex's guts and want every part of him cut our their lives, but I also suspect there may well be quite a number who just drift along and see no urgency in dealing with changing things. I'm not saying it's right....just that sometimes people dont think too much about things unless there's a need, iyswim?

Glittermonkey

zebidee1 wrote: »

Just wanted to reply to this as I was in the same situation a few years ago. Bt phone bill and electric bill was in (then) OH's name. We split up and I just never bothered making the effort to change it. I didn't see the need tbh, I always paid the bills on time and never had a problem.

There was no particular decision to have things like this, it was just a kind of drift along not really thinking about it type of thing.

Anyway, about 18months later, I needed proof of something or other and was asked for a utility bill in my name. That was the first time I'd actually given it any thought and I reaslised I really should have changed it.

I phoned BT and their response was.......if you want the phone in your name, you'll need to pay a deposit as we have no dealings with you, only with your husband and you will need to be a new account. I explained I'd been paying the bills for the last 18months but that didn't matter, they wanted £500. I nearly fell off my seat. However, in the next breath, they then said 'just leave things as they are' and then it wont cost you anything.

As it happened, I wrote enclosing proof about my bill paying and they waived the deposit anyway, it wasn't as easy changing the name over as I'd thought it was going to be.

I think there may be angry women who hate their ex's guts and want every part of him cut our their lives, but I also suspect there may well be quite a number who just drift along and see no urgency in dealing with changing things. I'm not saying it's right....just that sometimes people dont think too much about things unless there's a need, iyswim?

I agree. Up until yesterday my Electric was still in my ex-boyfriends ex-girlfriends name (confusing!). I wanted the pre-payment meter moved out and I too was told I need a deposit etc, i just kept calling until somebody just agreed to change it over for me.

The Gas was in her name until last year and my tv licence is still in my ex's name, infact he still pays for it. I phoned TV licence to set it up in my name but they wont unless he calls which isnt going to happen despite me asking him for the last 2 years.

His ex girlfriend moved out 7 years ago and he went about 5 years ago!

poet123

terryw wrote: »

The young man is not a lodger. He pays his mum for lodgings. He stays with his girlfriend much of the time.

As several posters have pointed out, this is not a moral issue. Is there benefit fraud involved? On the facts given, I do not think so and others disagree.

I would dearly love to see some definite link or court case of similar facts which indicate that this is benefit fraud. There must be many thousands of people in the same situation, and in the absence of some such definite proof, I fear that there is no such case to illustrate the point, and consequently we must assume that what the OP and her boyfriend do is acceptable within the benefits system. Rightly or wrongly.

I can only speak from my experience as a fraud officer within the benefits dept,and although my experience was some years ago,I have no reason to assume it would be very much different today. If a person is staying over at another persons house on a long term basis,and regularly, then the DSS could "deem" him to be a lodger,and deem a contribution to the household,regardless of whether the person actually does contribute. The fact that he says he pays him mum would be largely irrelevant,could he prove it? would it matter?,he could feel a moral obligation to help support a parent regardless of where he is actually living. If his name is on the electoral role,he has bills in his name etc,at his mums house then it may not be an issue.

The point being made here is not a moral judgement, merely a warning to the OP that unless she tells the benefits office she could find herself in an untenable position.

If you are wanting clarifcation of the situation it is better to ask and make sure rather than assume and regret it later.

What I am saying is that someone could report the situation and then it would be investigated,benefit could be suspended for the period(which may take a while)and the OP could be inconvenienced. Much better in my opinion to be upfront, and then you know where you stand.

shellsuit

Have you sorted anything out yet Jo, either with the benefits people or your BF?

LadyMorticia

I do not mean to judge your partner or anything but does he actually have anything to do with your children? Does he spend time with them and actually enjoy it? I know that if I was with a guy and I had kids he would have to make time for my children too.
Of course, that is just my opinion and I'm sorry if it offends. It wasn't meant to.

Now onto the benefits thing.
From what you've said about him staying 5-6 nights a week, I think the benefits team will see it as living as husband and wife, even though you and him may not see it as that.

I think the best thing to do is to explain your situation. If I remember (and please correct me if I'm wrong) there is a section on the form that allows you to put anything they may need to know about your change is circumstances.
Or, you could phone up before hand and ask about it. I think you may be able to phone up anonymously.
I think either way they should be told. It's much better to tell them now then some nosey neighbour inform them and then things could definitely get a lot worse.

xx

xgingerx

I was reading this thread and found it very interesting, granted its an old one but just was interested in what was finally decided by the op?

Thks

emsywoo123

I am prepared to stand corrected, but I think they split up?

milliebear00001

Gosh, reading through this lot has made me glad I don't have to claim HB - it's a bit like having to answer to your dad about who you sleep with! It seems really weird to me that you can have your relationship labelled for you in this way. It's surely perfectly possible that people sleep together (a lot!) without being ready to move in? What would happen if he spent 2 nights at hers, and she spent two nights at his? There was a case on that benefit fraud telly programme recently where a woman was 'accused' of being a lesbian cos a friend was staying with her. You might not be able to legally ask if two people are having sex, but the interviewer on the telly made it clear what he wanted to know - even tho that's pretty irrelevant in terms of whether the woman was living there.

Surely there's a less intrusive way (and a clearer set of rules) of establishing whether two people are financially supportive of each other!?

Jo_R_2

Wow I forgot all about this!

ensywoo123, we did indeed split up. However, prior to this, I did indeed contact the council to explain the situation, explained the situation and asked them basically what they felt the situation to be in terms of benefits. To cut a long story short, they basically came back to me and said they were going to keep my claim running as it was because they didn't deem us to be 'living together as husband and wife' as things stood.

However, they did say the thing about how it is a grey area and to ensure I immediately reported ANY changes with regard to the situation. In the end I didn't need to because we broke up.

LadyMorticia

I'm sorry you split up Jo. *hugs*