Do I "live" with my partner?

Jo_R_2

Smashing wrote: »

If you weren't getting HB, would you require him to be contributing to make ends meet? Are benefits allowing you to have this arrangement?

Just something they may consider.

It doesn't matter what we think, only what the DWP think.

Right. When my ex moved out, I put in a claim for Housing Benefit. I was awarded it, and have been receiving it ever since.

Without HB, I would have to work full-time to pay my rent and bills.

I met him a while after, so have been receiving my HB well before he was ever in the picture.

If he were living here (this is how I see it) then certainly, without a shadow of a doubt I would require/ask him to contribute his share of rent, bills, grocery shopping etc.

I see what you are saying, and I think it's a good point. The thing is, if I didn't get HB I would have to do something (ie work more hours) to run the house. But that's the thing. I don't see why because he's my boyfriend I should have to ask him that. I don't think that automatically makes him responsible for my rent, bills and food shopping, if that makes sense? (Meant in a debating tone, I find this really interesting btw!)

MrsE_2

Jo_R wrote: »

Right. When my ex moved out, I put in a claim for Housing Benefit. I was awarded it, and have been receiving it ever since.

Without HB, I would have to work full-time to pay my rent and bills.

I met him a while after, so have been receiving my HB well before he was ever in the picture.

If he were living here (this is how I see it) then certainly, without a shadow of a doubt I would require/ask him to contribute his share of rent, bills, grocery shopping etc.

I see what you are saying, and I think it's a good point. The thing is, if I didn't get HB I would have to do something (ie work more hours) to run the house. But that's the thing. I don't see why because he's my boyfriend I should have to ask him that. I don't think that automatically makes him responsible for my rent, bills and food shopping, if that makes sense? (Meant in a debating tone, I find this really interesting btw!)

No but without benefits you would be looking for different things from a relationship & the future.

You would be thinking about financial matters as well as love & sex.

I'm not saying you need a man to pay your bills (but hell, it don't hurt:rotfl: )

What I'm saying is you without state money you would be thinking of the whole package with a man & he wouldn't be offering you enough of a package to continue with the relationship.

Jo_R_2

pandas66 wrote: »

I think 'most' nights is usually thought of as living together.

I'll ask a sticky question, if you do get a home visit will you remove any trace of him such as his toothbrush or will the house be as it is now?

If they give you warning obviously, if they don't and they just turn up will you worry about the amount of his pocessions are on view.

Okay...

You know, I thought about this earlier, in a "how would it look?" sort of scenario.

Okay, *pictures rest of house* His toothbrush is here (he stays most nights.) His jacket is hanging up. There is a bottle of shower gel in the bathroom, and a pair of jeans and his other jacket on the bed. There isn't anything else of his that is here.

These of themselves don't worry me, but obviously it would worry me if I was having a home visit. It would probably also worry me the fact that my ex's name is still on the phone bill, the internet account, the water rates, and the nursery invoices, I'm not sure what they'd make of that!

shellsuit

Jo_R wrote: »

That's fair. At this point I don't think he is here enough to start asking him for money. I don't feel he uses anything whilst he's here that I wouldn't be using anyway, I only buy food for me and the girls (strictly a veggie household and he's a seasoned meat eater!) If he were here every night, coming home from work and we sat down and had tea together, and he spent his weekends here then I would definitely be asking him for a contribution because he would be living here then.

I must admit I find it fascinating that people have said the fact he stays over most nights means we live together. Are people saying this because they think that constitutes living together, or because they think that's what the law says?

He is at your house though for more time than he is at his Mums, so why wouldn't he be considered to live with you, especially as you have been together for 8 months and have discussed getting a mortgage.

I think he is taking the pish big time to be honest and as others have said, he is having his cake and eating it!

Have you both mentioned finances when you have spoken about moving in together or getting a mortgage?

Is it really worth you getting into trouble with the law because he stays over so often, because nothing will happen to him, it will all come down on you because it is you that is claiming as a single parent.

What would you and the kids do then??

Fran

Jo_R wrote: »

It would probably also worry me the fact that my ex's name is still on the phone bill, the internet account, the water rates, and the nursery invoices, I'm not sure what they'd make of that!

Does he still pay them? If he does then I'd be more worried about having income that you haven't declared than the "living with me" question. Are you declaring all this as income if he does pay?

pandas66

Jo_R wrote: »

Okay...

You know, I thought about this earlier, in a "how would it look?" sort of scenario.

Okay, *pictures rest of house* His toothbrush is here (he stays most nights.) His jacket is hanging up. There is a bottle of shower gel in the bathroom, and a pair of jeans and his other jacket on the bed. There isn't anything else of his that is here.
So given notice would you remove them?

So not given notice would you worry they were there?
These of themselves don't worry me, but obviously it would worry me if I was having a home visit. It would probably also worry me the fact that my ex's name is still on the phone bill, the internet account, the water rates, and the nursery invoices, I'm not sure what they'd make of that!

With regards to the ex' being named on the bills you would have to prove who made payment. I assume that would be easy if you pay via direct debit or card from your sole account, things maybe tricky if you pay cash.

Jo_R_2

MrsE wrote: »

No but without benefits you would be looking for different things from a relationship & the future.

You would be thinking about financial matters as well as love & sex.

I'm not saying you need a man to pay your bills (but hell, it don't hurt:rotfl: )

What I'm saying is you without state money you would be thinking of the whole package with a man & he wouldn't be offering you enough of a package to continue with the relationship.

MrsE, I would probably be saying exactly the same things to someone else who posted of being in this situation.

Despite how it might come across, I am happy with this man. We are in a developing relationship, a boyfriend and girlfriend one if you like. Our relationship is exclusive, he is a good guy who works hard, and thinks the world of me. I know he wants us to take things further; he has made it clear that he wants us to get a house together, he wants us to live together. I have said no because I am not ready for this yet.

He has offered me money to pay for various things, he has in the past and continues to do so; I have said no because I don't see why he should be giving me money (which he would do) for expenses that have nothing to do with him. I have said I don't feel we are at a point where I can commit to living with someone yet, I do not want to rush into that kind of a relationship, but I care a lot about him and would consider that in the future when I feel that he has built a relationship with the girls (I only tend to see him when the girls are asleep or if they're at someone else's house.)

I hope that makes sense. Different things suit different people and emotionally I am thinking not just of my welfare but that of my children too, and obviously this has impacted on this situation that we are discussing now. I certainly would not continue a relationship with someone who I saw no future with, but I do not want to rush that future; as with any relationship I need to know for myself it is the right future for me and the girls.

Jo_R_2

Fran wrote: »

Does he still pay them? If he does then I'd be more worried about having income that you haven't declared than the "living with me" question. Are you declaring all this as income if he does pay?

Nope, he nevr paid anything when he was here so that hasn't changed now he's moved out!

Jo_R_2

And panda 66, no I wouldn't remove them. I'm not duplicituous, I don't feel like I have anything to hide, which is why to clear up the question "is he or isn't he?", I will be talking to the council. It's only since he started staying over more nights, recently that I have worried how it could be seen.

shellsuit

OK, This is what I've just asked my OH. He lives with his Father and stepmum, I live with my 2 children,

OH works full time, I work part time and claim some HB and TC as a single parent.

He stays here on a Fri and Sat night but as of next month he will be moving in with me, where we will claim TC as a couple and I will come off HB.

Me - If you stayed here 5 nights a week and stayed at yours for 2 nights a week, where would you say you lived if someone asked you?

OH - Here, why??

I've explained this thread and OH wants to know now, why he would be considered to be living at his Fathers is he spent more time here, than there.

He himself has just said anymore than 3 nights a week and it would be taking the pi$$ (his words not mine! lol).