Do I "live" with my partner?

Badger_Lady

I think most of the people on this thread are really harsh! Have you never had a boyfriend / girlfriend, or have you just gone straight from single to "married"?

I'm seeing one of my neighbours - we like sleeping together, so we do it regularly, he stays at my house or vice versa. We would call ourselves a "couple" and keep odd items at eachothers' homes. But we've been going out for 2 weeks! There's no way I would ever class us as "living together" - no financial links or dependencies, seperate mailing addresses etc.

Now, I don't know how long OP has been seeing OH, but it's kind of irrelevant - if you're not at the stage of "partnership" yet, you're simply not there yet.

If it helps, OP, I really don't know where you stand either - and I don't think it's as cut and dry as some people on here are making out!

PasturesNew

I had a bf years ago who was staying over 6 nights per week but not living with me. He lived with his mum.

His day was:
- get up at mine
- drive home to mum, get changed, have breakfast, get given his packed lunch
- go to work
- go home from work to mum for tea, shower, get changed, come to see me about 8pm
- stay the night

He had nothing at mine at all. Not even a toothbrush.

There's more to a day than where somebody sleeps

Fran

Badger_Lady wrote: »

I think most of the people on this thread are really harsh! Have you never had a boyfriend / girlfriend, or have you just gone straight from single to "married"?......But we've been going out for 2 weeks!

Badger_Lady, I totally agree with your point about the difficulties for a single parent on benefits going from single to couple in one leap. However in your situation after two weeks you would be unlikely to be seen as living together but OP has been with partner for a few months (????) and is thinking about buying a house with him! To even consider this makes it sound like an established relationship.

pandas66

Where does he eat? where does his toothbrush live?


What does he pay board for at his Mums?

nottslass_2

If a couple are genuinely "maintaining separate household's" they can not be classed as living together. Many years ago a friend was investigated in similar circumstances - She quite freely admitted that she was having a sexual/committed a relationship,but was asked to prove that they maintained separate household's ie bank statements,bills,car insurance details etc and was questioned about whether they went shopping together etc.The DSS decided that she had no case to answer and infarct the situation remained the same for a good year or two until they both decided to get married and buy a house together.

Jo_R_2

mitchaa wrote: »

No such rule for 'husband and wife' Boyfriend and girlfriend is classed as exactly the same, and what do you mean for benefit purposes, you're either single or you're not.

He has the potential money to support you if needs be.

How do you prove he is not contributing to your lifestyle?

For instance...... You get free council house and free council tax benefit based on your lone income. Say your partner earns the average £25000 per year and lives with you scot free. That means you can live off your partners £25000 + your benefit such as IS, higher CTC etc.

Meaning you are very well off because his income is untouched, he pays no rent/council tax etc because he is getting it for nothing.

Why doesn't everyone just say, oh well he doesn't contribute anything so why should his salary be taken into account?

So your saying this rule about contribution only comes into effect when you're married? What a lot of rubbish and you know it is.

No, you've misunderstood me.

I'm not talking literally about a husband and wife, married couple. That's what it's called in benefit cases, "living together as husband and wife." It doesn't literally mean you have to be husband and wife, but living together as if you are. Of course boyfriend and girlfriend are classed the same way, being married doesn't make a difference to whether you are living with someone or not.

As you say, you are either single or you're not. Fair enough. But doesn't necessarily mean you are living with someone.

Your 'for instance'... I am sure that does happen. I don't know why everyone doesn't say that, it's speculative and not my circumstances. If you are talking about my circumstances and his salary, then I apologise if I have not made it clear enough. What I am saying is that I pay for my things and he pays for his. He doesn't pay for my things and I don't pay for his things. We don't share money.

How do I prove he is not contributing to my lifestyle? I'm not sure. My bills are all paid by direct debit and standing order straight out of my account. I keep my receipts for groceries which are paid by my card. No money that isn't mine goes into my account. Any other things such as toys or clothes for the children are paid for usually by my card again. And if you saw my house and looked at my lifestyle you'd definitely see that no one is splashing out any extra!

pandas66

Your inital question is 'Do I 'Live' with my partner?

I'd say based on yur answer of 5-6 nights he stays over at yours......yes.

Even if there is no financial contribution from him to you then......yes.

What constitutes a living together situation? Sleeping in the same house 85% of the time.

terryw

Jo_R wrote: »

No, he's not the father of my children. He doesn't contribute anything financially either to the household, to me or for the children. He pays monthly board to his mother.

I think it would be a whole lot easier if the guidelines were set in stone, but as far as I'm aware, although there are certain points to look for, at the end of the day it is down to the discretion of an investigator as to whether two people are classed as a couple for benefit purposes or not.

The thing is, if he moved in, brought his worldly possessions here with him, called this his home, had his name on the bills, paid the rent with me, did the shopping and took responsibility for the children as a step father, then I'd be off to the council with absolutely no doubts whatsoever that we were a couple for benefit purposes.

I just find it hard that I could have my benefit taken away because he sleeps in my bed and we spend time together, if you see what I mean? Don't get me wrong, I'm not disputing that it could be seen as living together - I just don't consider it that. And mitchaa - I'm talking about 'husband and wife' as in "living together as husband and wife" which is the benefit rule that we're talking about btw.

Jo, thanks for the reply. I stress that I am not an expert in this area but my feeling is that you are not breaking the benefit rules. The benefit/tax system is crazy in the uk...........it is just so complicated. I agree with you that with a query like this there should be something "set in stone" but there isn't. I have just checked the HB and SS sites and they say little other than what has been discussed. I really wish someone from HB or SS would input into this thread as this problem must affect hundreds of thousands of people.

Jo, on a personal level, a couple of points.
1. Your guy is on to a good thing. A partner who cares for him with no commitment, a mum who looks after him as well, and yet the freedom to go out with the lads when he wants. And no financial expense other than his board money.
I wish I had met a girl like you forty years ago!

2. Check out the figures if you do decide to make a go of it. Jointly you may not be worse off..

3. On a moral level, I can't see that you are doing anything either........you are working a silly benefit system within the rules.


Having said all of this, I reiterate that I am not an expert and you might just be in bother.

Please let us know if you find a definite answer anywhere - I for one would love to know.

Best wishes

terryw

nottslass wrote: »

If a couple are genuinely "maintaining separate household's" they can not be classed as living together. Many years ago a friend was investigated in similar circumstances - She quite freely admitted that she was having a sexual/committed a relationship,but was asked to prove that they maintained separate household's ie bank statements,bills,car insurance details etc and was questioned about whether they went shopping together etc.The DSS decided that she had no case to answer and infarct the situation remained the same for a good year or two until they both decided to get married and buy a house together.

A very good input Nottslass. The shopping together thing, by itself is meaningless. I regularly take a lady to Tesco with me as she does not have a car. But we are not living together as husband and wife!.

affordmylife

My situation was the similar to pastures new many years ago.

I was in a relationship with my now husband who at the time rented his own house and i rented my own. All our finances were separate but he slept at mine most nights. I claimed housing benefit and family credit (as it was then).

I was investigated with now warning 'they' arrived one morning on my doorstep to ask questions. They asked me if we lived together. I said no. I also said i was desperated for us to live together but he wasnt ready for it.

He left mine in the mornings and went to his to get ready for work. He worked then went home to his own house to bath etc then came for late tea at mine (once my kiddies were in bed) and stayed the night most nights.

As long as you can prove you both have separate finances and his mum pays full council tax as he is registered living there then i dont think you have any worries.

Why should you be forced into pushing your relationship along to a stage that you are not ready for.

I hope it goes well and you eventually do decide to live together but at your pace not at anyone elses. Good luck.

By the way we carried this on for 4 years then started living together. Then we got married after 9 years together. Still together after all these years.