Broken into whilst asleep upstairs.

belfastgirl23

I'm so sorry to hear about this, it's a really horrible thing to have happened to you. And having been the victim of burglary a few times myself I know only too well the fear that goes with it. It is horrible too that the police aren't especially interested but I know it was much the same for us as well. They were helpful in terms of reporting to phone companies etc but I guess it's all so routine for them that they sort of forget the impact it has on people. They also know that even if they manage to make an arrest the courts don't take this sort of crime seriously anyway and I think they just presume they won't get a conviction so don't really try properly - this isn't meant to slag off the police by the way, i think they're right to see it like this.

I had a visit from a crime prevention officer after the last break in. He made some really useful suggestions, one of which was bringing valuables upstairs when you go to bed, which I still do now. And when DH is away I make a point of having a phone by the bed.

My biggest piece of advice if you can afford it is to get a burglar alarm. I know it's costly but the peace of mind it gives you is unbelievable. I know for sure that if anyone tries to get in during the night it will go off and waken not just me but the neighbours. And I have their phone nos so could call them if necessary. This makes me feel a lot more secure.

It takes a while for the feeling of victimisation to settle though. I think you need to hang onto the fact that none of it is about you, it's random. It was just your 'turn' (and yes I know how horrible that is). I'd say don't do anything hasty re selling your house etc, let things settle for a couple of months and see how you feel. I certainly feel that if I were to give in now, it would almost be letting them win...it's really important to me that I don't have to rely on anyone and I'd find it very hard to not be able to be alone. Might not be true for you but I'd just say think hard about it before you make any decisions.

And lots of luck.

2boysmum

Sorry to hear about your break in, I know exactly what you mean about the police not being very compassionate. A few years ago when DS1 was only 6 months old I had my bag snatched. I had been to doctors for check up with DS1 and doc had said he thought he had clicky hip and was going to refer him to hospital, was quite worried about this while walking home and probably wasn't thinking straight, my handbag was over the handle of the buggy and tucked into the basket underneath. This guy asks me about the buses, I tell him, then carry on walking up quite a steep hill, next thing i know, I've been thrown into the railings, buggy's rolling down the hill, he's off with my bag into a waiting car! Phoned the police, they came a few hours later, weren't really interested as my purse was tucked inside the buggy as I had just used it, had to get my locks changed as they got my keys, CID came 2 days later and said "well you'll now not to hang your bag over the buggy the next time"! I had to go to hospital for x-rays as my ribs were badly bruised, but I felt that it was me that had done something wrong!

catkins

Really sorry to hear this angel777. My house was broken into about 12 years ago but during the day when I and OH were at work - so nearwhere near as bad or scary as your story.

I must say the police were not at all sympathetic to us either. We had a policewoman and policeman come round to us and there attitude was "oh so you got burgled - well so do plenty of people and there are far worse things". They did not say that but that was their attitude. I was actually in a bad state, shaking and crying and a bit of sympathy would not have gone amiss. They said not to hold out any hope of getting our belongings back and that we should look to increase our security because the burglar(s) may well come back when they thought we had had the insurance pay out and replaced our stuff!!! My that was a comforting thought.

We actually complained about the polices' attitude but nothing ever came of it.

I would agree that getting an alarm would be a good idea. I wouldn't rush to sell your house, wait and see how you feel. If you really do not want to live there then maybe, as you say, rent it out.

Because I felt I could not live in the house any longer I actually went to stay with my parents the next day and then we rented whilst we sold our house, having to pay rent and mortgage. It took ages and then we made a loss on the sale so moneywise we were in a bit of a mess for a while so that is why I would say don't rush to sell.

Angel777

Hi and thanks so much for your advise and kind words.I already have an alarm but did not have it on as i was in the house but the suggestion was good about having downstairs on.I just feel really shaky today and have been bursting out crying.I just DO NOT feel safe here AT ALL. I have to move in with my aunt as my mum and dad are not happy ith me staying on my own. I am really dreading it but it is so good of her and its just till i find somewhere else.Its also awful dealing with all the other stuff, the car insurance people gave me a 20 min telephone interview and if i hear a little noise i panic. At the moment i am commuting from my mums which is 1 hour away. This morning when i arrived here i locked the bathroom door when i went for a shower, something i never do. I also took my mobile into the bathroom with me. I only have 2 mobiles as one is for work and so luky that it was by my bed too.Thanks again, i cannot believe how much it has shaken me up and worried about the cost of everything. 600 excess for the car and 100 for home insurance. That was money that took me ages to save. Its so unfair and unjust.

belfastgirl23

Angel777 wrote: »

Hi and thanks so much for your advise and kind words.I already have an alarm but did not have it on as i was in the house but the suggestion was good about having downstairs on.I just feel really shaky today and have been bursting out crying.I just DO NOT feel safe here AT ALL. I have to move in with my aunt as my mum and dad are not happy ith me staying on my own. I am really dreading it but it is so good of her and its just till i find somewhere else.Its also awful dealing with all the other stuff, the car insurance people gave me a 20 min telephone interview and if i hear a little noise i panic. At the moment i am commuting from my mums which is 1 hour away. This morning when i arrived here i locked the bathroom door when i went for a shower, something i never do. I also took my mobile into the bathroom with me. I only have 2 mobiles as one is for work and so luky that it was by my bed too.Thanks again, i cannot believe how much it has shaken me up and worried about the cost of everything. 600 excess for the car and 100 for home insurance. That was money that took me ages to save. Its so unfair and unjust.

It is unfair and unjust, no question about it.

Again though I'm just urging you not to say never about living in the house again. Believe me I know how horrible it is (I almost accidentally confronted the burglars in the buff when I came down to turn off the alarm, I thought it was a fault and was really worried about waking an elderly neighbour!!). But you are still in shock and believe me it will settle down in time. Absolutely stay with your aunt and uncle till you feel stronger. Do you have any friends who might come and stay for the first weekend back there with you? Or would your parents come and stay just till you settle back in?

I'm saying this because the thing with traumatic events like this is that you can't let fear shape your life. Certainly take some time to get over it but don't automatically rule out living alone again. At the end of the day you lost some stuff but you were safe. I know too that what I learned from our break in was that window locks exist for a reason, especially downstairs. And not to leave valuables lying in full view of the window. And yes I know that you *shouldn't* have to think like this

Sorry if I'm sounding harsh or unsympathetic. I'm just trying to say that how you react to something like this can shape the rest of your life. I decided I didn't want to be the kind of woman who has to sleep at someone else's house when DH goes out of town. After a few ropey nights I was fine, but I did have to really nerve myself to do it. You can't give in to something like this longer term....you have to fight against feeling like a victim or it takes over your life....

Lots of luck.

Chris_Nowak

What a terrible expereince. This is my first ever post on herwe and i just wanted to say that all my sympathy goes out to you.

Angel777

thankyou.my thanks button is not working.I just dont feel safe at all and cannot sleep. thanks for th comments though.

Angel777

Hi albertross. The car is damaged. apparently the 2 front tyres are flat and there is damage to the front and off side, this is what i have been told over the phone.First the police said i could look at it but now i have been told that i cannot look at it until the police have done all the forensic tests on it.It is leased and was supposed to go back next month. I am also terribly worried that if it cannot be fixed in time that the dealer will charge me. The insurance company have asked me to let the dealers know but i want to wait until they have assessed the damage, should i tell the lease company now or wait?I just am really so sick with worry.

vivatifosi

Hi Angel,

Can't give you any advice about the police, but I did have the same thing happen to me. I was working by myself in the office and it was broken into. I went in the loo and locked myself in and called the police on my mobile, and they turned up three days later.

As scary as it was, I'm pleased to say that lightning hasn't struck twice. Definitely beef up the home security. One good way is to get a cheap metal strip, bend it all the way round the door lock if necessary (if not integral to the frame) and screw all the way down the frame as it strengthens the frame and stops the door being kicked in. When I was burgled one of my police relatives told me this is what drug dealers do to stop their doors being kicked in by the police! Seems to have worked so far!

Also, as shown on the Real Hustle, make sure your bags and keys are kept well away from the front door and preferably in a different part of the home.

ailuro2

Do remember to keep a plain spare key without car keys on it somewhere readily accessible in event of a fire..not in plain view from outside, but somewhere that everyone can reach on the way to the door you designate as a fire exit in your escape plan.

If you don't have a fire escape plan then perhaps making one would take your mind off your current situation?

Hope you're feeling better after your awful shock.