'Home alone' - what age?

fiscalfreckles

tiff wrote: »

Following on from this, I believe 10 is too young, but what age would you say take them to the cinema with their friends and pick them up, or to bowling etc? None of my sons friends have been left like that afaik, but I would be interested to know around what age. I'm assuming 12/13?

I didn't allow this until secondary school age, though I was under pressure to do so before and some of my daughter's friends were allowed to. But she didn't have a mobile phone until then either, and it feels much safer to allow her to go out & about now that I know she can contact me if there's a problem. I'm still quite fussy about where she is allowed to go & be left (she's 13 now, and hates it, thinks I'm over protective) and certainly don't like it too late in the evening. She's quite sensible, but a bit naive - I worry that older teens might try & take their money or phones, but it wouldn't occur to her that that could happen!


As for leaving her at home alone, yes, I would during the day for no more than couple of hours, but not at night, and I would NEVER leave someone else's child without consulting their parent. I would be very cross if someone left my daughter alone without my knowledge too. When they go round to a friend's house, you assume they are safe!

tiff

My Mum only ever left us when we were at senior school and she worked part time mornings only. We had jobs to do and no friends were allowed in. She never ever trusted us to do anything else, when I was 17 she went on holiday with my Stepdad, stepbrother and my sister and made my Grandad come to stay. I am the most sensible person you could meet and I've always hated the fact she didnt trust me in HER house. (My home but never mind).

I dont want to be over protective but dont want to start too early, so appreciate all your points of view. My son is in year 5, I think maybe at the end of this year when he is 11 would be a good time, but we shall see how it goes.

Poppy9

tiff wrote: »

I dont want to be over protective but dont want to start too early, so appreciate all your points of view. My son is in year 5, I think maybe at the end of this year when he is 11 would be a good time, but we shall see how it goes.

We used to keep our old mobile phones and put a PAYG chip in them specially for DD to use on trips out (now she has her own trendy phone!). I still make sure I have at least one of her friends she is with mobile number too incase of flat battery or poor signal (as it varies with networks).

CharlieandAlice

I couldn't leave my 11 year old alone, but left his older brother and sister at that age. It really does depend on the child as they all mature at different rates. I'm currently in the awful situation of having to leave my 15yr babysitting the 11 and 6 yr old every evening while i work as hubby walked out 2 weeks ago. Felt physically sick the first few nights but son is doing a wonderful job and the younger 2 seem perfectly happy with the situation. I think sometimes knowing you trust them with the extra responsibility makes them behave more responsibly although i do feel really guilty at having to leave them.

cazziebo

unixgirluk wrote: »

Silly question, does that apply for Scotland? I remember the social work department always telling people (when i worked for the council) that a child under 16 wasn't allowed to be left alone. Just curious.

I checked this with Social Work a few years ago (South Lanarkshire at the time) and was told there was no age to leave a child on its own, but you could not leave a child in the care of another who was under 16. Therefore, legally, children under 16 couldn't babysit. Of course no way of checking whether the person who answered was speaking from fact or opinion...

Again, imho depends on individual child. I know some scatty 19 year olds (and 49 year olds?!) who you wouldn't trust with your toy cat, but some really sensible 13/14 year olds who could cope better than me in a crisis.

sarah*a

cazziebo wrote: »

but you could not leave a child in the care of another who was under 16. Therefore, legally, children under 16 couldn't babysit.

My 13 yo neice is using this very argument with her mum at the moment She's about to have her 3rd and the older 2 have visions of losing their social life to babysitting.

autismmum

my two dogs often baby sit my 15 yr old daughter in the day time, if anyone broke in.... well there wouldnt be much left to worry about.

Carmina_Piranha_3

at ten i started leaving my son home alone for short periods. he enjoys it. i've never left him at bowling or cinema though, and i wouldn't do it now (he's 11). is that odd? he's not allowed into town alone, or swimming.

as for alton towers - in year 6 he went a few times with another boy from year 6. i thought they stayed together as a family, it was only after his 4th visit that he told me the 2 of them (both in year 6) went off on their own and just had a meeting point at lunch time. i was annoyed that the other family hadn't asked us what we thought about that. they were used to leaving their son, he was home alone looking after his little sister (from the same school) from year 5 on.

what time does he go to bed? 7-9 is quite late - my boy needs to go to bed at 9 so he'd have to be told to brush his teeth etc. before then. and he would hate to put himself to bed on his own, he likes a chat at bedtime. but if yours has a later bedtime perhaps it's not a problem.

findingmyownway

I think 10 is a good age to start giving him some independence in preparation for the move to secondary school.

You know your son, if he is trustworthy then trust him. Just let him know if he messes about he wont get a second chance!

Unless you know the friend(s) i wouldn't bring them into it. Kids are far more likley to do something wrong if friends are there egging them on. He'd probably be far safer alone watching TV.

At the end of the day, you can be home in 5 minutes and call him anytime on the phone. As long as he knows not to answer door/start a fire then he will be fine. More than fine, he is learning valuable life lessons in independence.

My own experience:

As a 10 year old i waited for my 8yo brother outside school and we walked home together. I had a key and we had about 2 hrs a night home alone before my mum got in from work.

At 12, i was at secondary school and we both walked home alone. My mum had to go stay in hosp for a few nights - we were entirly capable of cooking, getting ourselves up for school, getting on the bus to visit mum in the evening & getting a taxi home.


I now have 3 stepDs (8,11&12). The youngest would never be left alone (or with either of the other 2 - she's just too giddy, silly etc). We are happy to leave the 11 and 12yo for an hour or 2 while we are at the shop etc and have been for a year or so.

patchwork_cat

Hi
I have 2 kids 14 and 10. I left my 14 year old on his own during the day for up to an hour when he was 10. However I didn't leave him on his own either after dark or for longer than hour until 13 nearly 14.

I think that 10 is too young for 2 hours after dark, personally