'Home alone' - what age?

ktj

We live in the centre of a very small rural village about 150 yards from the village hall. The hall runs evening classes on Sundays 6-8pm. or weekdays 7-9pm. At the moment we pay babysitters whenever we go to the classes.

We have a very sensible, very reliable 10 year old son, who is now wanting more and more independence. He says that he is now old enough to stay 'home alone' with a friend watching videos whilst we go to classes. As he points out, last summer he played out in the village field, (which is adjacent to the village hall and which is in sight and earshot of our home) with his friends for hours on end, whilst we were at home and that what he is suggesting would just be the reverse of this situation.

Certainly if we left him 'home alone' we would pop back to check on him and at all times we would be contactable by mobile phone in fact we would even be close enough to listen in on him with the baby listener. Moreover the saving on babysitters would be most welcome.

I would greatly welcome advice on this from other parents. Or are there any guidelines or recommendation on this. Thanks in advance for any help.

PasturesNew

I would say 12-13 would be the minimum for being left home alone.

The danger isn't necessarily from within, it is from outside.

However, feeling all grown up, he could endanger himself by simply putting something under the grill and forgetting, or cocking it up.

Then there are people who find out he is home alone - and preferring the home comforts of your house to the usual recreation ground, will pile into your house and expect to be fed, while putting their feet up on your furniture, nicking small ornaments, breaking your favourite vase and ending up with tea spilt down the back of the TV ... all because although he is grown up, he couldn't negotiate a "Sod off, you can't come in" when 6 scallies turn up at the door.

I think the baby monitor idea is perfect - let him know it's on and you are listening in.

sarymclary

Hi
I believe the general age is 14, or a very sensible child of 12/13. That is what I was advised when I enquired a few years back. I have never left my 10 year old at home alone, and he is sensible.

I have 2 older sons, and started leaving them once the eldest was 14, and the 2nd youngest was 12. I never went very far from home, and was only out for a couple or so hours at a time. I don't allow my sons to have any friends to the house while I am out, because I know what my own children will try to get up to, but not others', plus I don't want the added responsibility.

Can your son not go to the friend's house instead? I didn't doubt my older sons behaviour at all, but it was just that nagging doubt that 'what if', and then you have to explain to the police and social services why you left your kids home alone. It wasn't a risk I was prepared to take. I live in a very similar environment to you, small friendly village, no fear of letting the children go out to play till after dark, but accidents do happen, and I just think it's probably worthwhile waiting a little longer. Just my opinion, for what it's worth!

thriftychick

I far as I am aware, there is no legal age limit for leaving a child alone but in the event of an incident, you would have to prove that you had made adequate arrangements for their safety.

The NSPCC recommends a minimum age of 12.

mrcow

It depends on the child. There is no legal age.

If you feel that your 10 year old is mature enough, then you are the best judge of that. Some children are not mature enough at 14, but then again, others are out baby sitting by then (I know I was!).

Poppy9

I leave my 12 year old (soon to be 13) alone some times after school from 3.30 to 4pm. School finishes at 3pm and she has a 30 minute walk and then she must ring me to say she is home okay. I leave work at 3.50pm and am home in 10 minutes.

I have a bit of a dilemna coming this Friday. Yesterday she told me she has an INSET day on Friday. I work Friday mornings and OH who was due to start work at 2pm is working overtime so going in at 8am. She won't get out of bed till about 11am as she wakes and reads for hours on the weekend. I will be home at 1pm. Thinking of asking her friends to stay the night as they've spent the morning alone in one of their houses when their parents had a similar problem.

mrcow

PasturesNew wrote: »

Then there are people who find out he is home alone - and preferring the home comforts of your house to the usual recreation ground, will pile into your house and expect to be fed, while putting their feet up on your furniture, nicking small ornaments, breaking your favourite vase and ending up with tea spilt down the back of the TV ... all because although he is grown up, he couldn't negotiate a "Sod off, you can't come in" when 6 scallies turn up at the door.

I know that you are not talking from experience.......but still, this seems very unlikely

mishmash

HI
I can confirm that there is no legal age, it is about the childs development and ability, also what provision is made for them and the circumstances.

what yhou are thinking about in my view does not constitute neglect (I am an ex childcare social worker). If he has your contact numbers and you are just across the road. In the circumstances you are describing I would leave a senible 10 year old.

I would have a chat about things he is not allowed to do (when your out), turn the cooker on light the fire, hang out of upstairs windows. I would make sure he has a practice at ringing your mobiles and have a chat about what would you do if this or that happened-things like someone knocks at the door.

As long as you have made all those provisions if you feel happy, you are his parent only you can make the decision. As parents we do have to take some risk in a controlled way. Otherwise we damage children by stifling them and never allowing them to develop.

Mish

tiff

My son is 10, we've left him on his own twice, for 5 minutes each time while his Dad drops me off at church which is just at the top of a very steep hill by our house. He was instructed not to answer the door, both doors were locked and both times he was still in front of the TV where we left him lol. For me, 2 hours is definitely too long and especially at night. 5 mins is all I can do at the moment. I would do it gradually, hope this helps.

ktj

Thanks, my gut instinct was to say he's too young, but I do worry about being over protective, especially as my son seems to have grown up so much since he went to middle school and even before he's always been the most sensible, level headed of children.

FairyElephant_2

Hi,

I really think it depends on the child.

We were happy to leave stepdaughter at our house for short preiods of time (up to an hour or so) from when she was 10 or 11, but her younger brother is now 13 and we still don't leave him at home alone (well, maybe for 10 mins to pop around the post office!) as he is just not as sensible as his older sister was! We know that he has the attention span of a gnat, the memory span of a goldfish and is very careless! - OK that sounds mean - he is nice kid but we are just being realistic!

I think it sounds like you have thought it through and put your emergency plans in place, so if he is happy to try it, then go for it!