In pursuit of happiness...for real this time! Donner_kebab's debt diary!

sallyx

((((((((Donna)))))))))) What a complete shock. I don't think that I could ever forgive my mum if she had ever been like that. What I would say is that obviously the memories are painful and you remember the bad things that went on, did she have any problems with drink, drugs, depression?? I know it doesn't change the past and what she has done but maybe those times where awful for her and she has changed. She obviously is very anxious to get in touch if she has had to go through your half brother insted of doing it herself..either that or she is spineless.
At the end of the day, you know whats best for you and Emily. I would be inclined to send a polite note back saying yes im fine, had a lovely life growing up etc etc and leave it at that. She can make of it what she likes.
Don't cave into the chocolate and drink...im exactly the same as you with the emotional eating!
Take care xx

Ellidee

:grouphug: Aww Donna what a hard thing for you to deal with, can't imagine how you must feel. Maybe now your Mum is older she knows better IYSWIM. Would you not want to see her just to ask her why she left you ? Too painful all round perhaps ? Sorry hope that doesn't sound wrong, just trying to understand so that maybe I can help.

Keeping_Motivated

God definately not the type of mum who you would easily want to see again! Sounds like in a warped way she did you a favour because from 6 onwards you just had your dad and you've said many times how great he was. If she has remained in your life maybe you would have many more bad memories!

Must be a strange day for your dad too that she has tried to get in touch with the 2 children he has struggled to bring up alone emotionally and financially ( as I guess she didn't bother paying maintenance). If I was him I would expect her to ask his permission first!!!

Take care
KM x

donner_kebab

sallyx wrote: »

((((((((Donna)))))))))) What a complete shock. I don't think that I could ever forgive my mum if she had ever been like that. What I would say is that obviously the memories are painful and you remember the bad things that went on, did she have any problems with drink, drugs, depression?? I know it doesn't change the past and what she has done but maybe those times where awful for her and she has changed. She obviously is very anxious to get in touch if she has had to go through your half brother insted of doing it herself..either that or she is spineless.
At the end of the day, you know whats best for you and Emily. I would be inclined to send a polite note back saying yes im fine, had a lovely life growing up etc etc and leave it at that. She can make of it what she likes.
Don't cave into the chocolate and drink...im exactly the same as you with the emotional eating!
Take care xx

I don't think she had any problems with stuff, other than being a total loon! I dunno...thinking about it, maybe she was very depressed and felt trapped by it all? But nowt can justify what she did. The whole thing does seem spineless, especially as the way they managed to get my brother to talk to him was to show a picture of a beautiful little girl and say 'this is my daughter so that makes you an aunty and an uncle' blah blah blah, so sad really. The emotional eating is so hard. I rarely drink now and don't smoke, go out etc so am stuck in on my own each evening and sometimes just wanna eat to forget about everything, but need to be strong as know if I put on anymore weight, I will be upset and then that will lead to more food! Wish they made chocolate fruit and veg! xxx

donner_kebab

Ellidee wrote: »

:grouphug: Aww Donna what a hard thing for you to deal with, can't imagine how you must feel. Maybe now your Mum is older she knows better IYSWIM. Would you not want to see her just to ask her why she left you ? Too painful all round perhaps ? Sorry hope that doesn't sound wrong, just trying to understand so that maybe I can help.

Yep, it would be painful. I nearly lost Emily when she was born but fought and got her back...long story! Now as a mum, I think that I just could not ever do anything to hurt my baby and I don't understand how come she always loved so close to us, but still never wanted to have anything to do with us. xxx

skint_spice

It has to be your decision Donna but don't rush into anything either way. Perhaps she had problems with alcohol that weren't diagnosed at the time or then again maybe she's just not very nice but it's difficult to know the truth now. I feel for you as it can't be a nice situation to be in but you have to do what's right for you. x

donner_kebab

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

God definately not the type of mum who you would easily want to see again! Sounds like in a warped way she did you a favour because from 6 onwards you just had your dad and you've said many times how great he was. If she has remained in your life maybe you would have many more bad memories!

Must be a strange day for your dad too that she has tried to get in touch with the 2 children he has struggled to bring up alone emotionally and financially ( as I guess she didn't bother paying maintenance). If I was him I would expect her to ask his permission first!!!

Take care
KM x

Yep, you are right! In a warped way she did do us all a favour! Will speak with dad tomorrow, poor bloke She never did pay any maintenance ever, seems mad that does! Hate the way peeps think they can have kids and then just forget about them and think they may pop back in a upset everyone years later. She may well have been a great mum to her other kids, but deep down I doubt it. If she had of stuck around, I don't think I would be the person I am today...I suppose it is true what people say, what deosn't kill us makes us stronger and all these things are character building. She cannot take credit for any thing to do with me and my brother....god! I am off to try and find a curly wurly! Least that is not too fattening! xxx

donner_kebab

skint_spice wrote: »

It has to be your decision Donna but don't rush into anything either way. Perhaps she had problems with alcohol that weren't diagnosed at the time or then again maybe she's just not very nice but it's difficult to know the truth now. I feel for you as it can't be a nice situation to be in but you have to do what's right for you. x

Thanks skint_spice! Times like this when I could do with a hug boyf is away for a few weeks so doesn't know...I miss him terribly I don't think having contact with her or the rest of them will change anything. Makes it harder to think oh I have a little niece etc but deep down I don't think any good will come of it. I owe my dad so much, I was a real cow years ago and we didn't speak for ages as he knew that my ex boyf was trouble and he was very right...looking at the mess he left me in financially and worse off emotionally, so I feel very lucky that my dad let me into his life again. I love him so much! xxx

Ellidee

Donna hun, hope my post didn't upset you, hard to know how I would feel if it was me in your shoes. Sorry you had to fight to keep Emily, just remember that despite all your struggles with debt etc you are a fantastic Mum who is trying so hard to make a better life for both of you. XX

skint_spice

donner_kebab wrote: »

Thanks skint_spice! Times like this when I could do with a hug boyf is away for a few weeks so doesn't know...I miss him terribly I don't think having contact with her or the rest of them will change anything. Makes it harder to think oh I have a little niece etc but deep down I don't think any good will come of it. I owe my dad so much, I was a real cow years ago and we didn't speak for ages as he knew that my ex boyf was trouble and he was very right...looking at the mess he left me in financially and worse off emotionally, so I feel very lucky that my dad let me into his life again. I love him so much! xxx

Your dad sounds brilliant - thank goodness he was there for you. :T