Is it fair?

simpywimpy

mrcow wrote: »

Perhaps she emotionally blackmailed him into marrying her because she wanted to then not work so she could concentrate full time on her drinking habit and Jeremy Kyle addiction? You can generalise all you like.......some people are just terrible spouses/partners and the other half is better off out of it.

It's a blessing that they've had no childen.

If read all your replies Mrcow, I have to say you sound very bitter in every one of them, any reason??

January20

mrcow wrote: »

Perhaps she emotionally blackmailed him into marrying her because she wanted to then not work so she could concentrate full time on her drinking habit and Jeremy Kyle addiction? You can generalise all you like.......some people are just terrible spouses/partners and the other half is better off out of it.

It's a blessing that they've had no childen.

Mrcow is totally right! What is the point of having a go at deemarie when the only two people who know the EXACT truth about the relationship are her boyfriend and his soon-to-be-ex-wife?

It must be nice to always be in control of one's feelings and never do anything wrong... I wish I too was so perfect :rolleyes:

(Oh, and before anybody makes silly assumptions about me.... my ex-husband cheated on me and is now married to her...)

skyrocket

January - if you read the ops first post it states that her oh is going through a divorce from his wife due to their affair.

I'm struggling to see where the op comes off as innocent in this

She writes because she is now begrudging this woman whose husband she is with, what she is obviously entitled to in order to rebuild her life.

I expect you can really respect the woman that slept with your husband behind your back and is now married to him, and also that she didnt begrudge you one penny from your divorce settlement, and that's wonderful, :T but the op doesnt feel that way.

That is why she is getting flack.

And for the record women and men that go after married people are a disgrace in my opinion. And yes it is nice to have some morals and be in control of my emotions, and if not going after married people makes me 'perfect' then i'm happy to take that label.

beachbeth

It always amazes me how men don't seem to get the blame in these situations, as though they are stuck between 2 women and don't know what to do, poor things.:cool:

If ever I met a man - even if I fell head over heels in love - if he was married and telling me his wife was awful and I was wonderful, a little voice in my head would keep telling me that this was bull***t.

There are two main points for the OP to consider here and that is:

1. You can't believe anything he says about his wife. She may work hard at home keeping things together, sorting everything out and having his tea on the table when he comes in from work. Unless you know her personally you don't know if she's lazy or not.

2. If you ever get together with this man you must keep in mind that at some point he will do to you what he has done to his wife. He may believe that you are the one at this point in time (or he may secretly not) but eventually another woman will come along and he will start casting his eyes in her direction and then history will repeat itself.

I don't judge or blame the OP because I don't know the exact circumstances of this matter but it isn't for her to say whether or not the wife should get maintenance or not. She may be a lovely person who has been treated like s*** - who knows? No matter how wonderful this man is or seems to be, I would drop him like a hot brick!

briona

deemarie wrote: »

My bf's ex didn't contribute anything to the relationship in all respects especially money. They are now going through a seemingly long divorce due to our affair (please don't hate me!)
I realise that even after sitting on her ar** for 8 years she is entitled to 50% of everything (although I really don't think this is fair) but bf now mentions that he may have to pay maintenance for the next 2 years. I don't understand why? They have no children (thank god).
Can anybody offer any advice. To me it should be fair to ask for finances up to the point they split up but it appears he is being asked by her solicitor for financial statements to current date.
Thanks.

I wonder if the "maintenance for 2 years" part is actually an informal agreement (e.g., not court ordered) between your partner and his ex-wife that in some way allows him to slightly ease his guilt over the affair, and subsequent marriage break up...

belfastgirl23

I agree with soubrette. If they were together for 8 years and she did not work during this time then this must have been with the agreement of both parties to some degree. I do think that this agreement should be honoured for a period of time to allow the wife to get back on her feet emotionally and financially. And if she's got a pt job already then she's making a fair effort IMHO.

I think the OP should be pleased that he's trying to treat his ex fairly - at some point in the future this will probably be her...and in her shoes I'd make d***d sure to have my running away money saved.

mrcow

rumpelstiltskin wrote: »

Mrcow- I think someone is thinking you are Mr and not female due to your username. Not that I can say anything cos I'm female and currently posting under hubby's ID (can't be bothered to switch over).

I see!

I wasn't sure if they inferring that I may have a daytime alcohol and Jeremy Kyle addiction whilst my children are at school?

mrcow

simpywimpy wrote: »

If read all your replies Mrcow, I have to say you sound very bitter in every one of them, any reason??

I don't have anything in my life to feel bitter about......I'm a very fortunate person........so the short answer to your question is "no".

It irks me though when someone new to the forums posts a genuine question and then gets a personailty assassination for no valid reason (apart from the fact that there are people here who have nothing much better to do than jump to the first assumption they can) within two replies.

Not a very nice welcome to a new member really? I wouldn't be surprised if they ever came back.......would you?

skyrocket

Mr Cow, I think it was you that assumed the man in questions' wife sits around watching Jeremy Kyle all day and contributes nothing.
You seem to have a very agressive and dim view of women.
It also appears very sexist.
I very much doubt that this is a new user. I should imagine they are posting under a new id so as to disguise their usual id.
And no-one assinated anyone's personality. We merely pointed out that no, it was far from unfair given the circumstances, but perhaps the view that the op begrudged the mans wife any money is an unfair view.
Perhaps you would like to give the op a rosette or something for her opinions? :rolleyes:

poet123

Mrcow is a woman!!!