Is it fair?

novagirl

..and he couldn't say No at any point? I think him not being able to say no has lead to this in the first place

Ephemera

deemarie - do you personally know your partner's ex-to-be or only through your partner's musings? Are you SURE she's the person he says she is - or is she responding to his behaviour? Was she doing other things in the home so he could build his career without wondering when the washing would finish and cooking a meal?

I must agree with other posters - usually after they have cheated once, it's easier to do it again. An acquaintance of mine caused a divorce in a similar way, they got married, had two kids (he already had four by his ex) and after four years he'd gone off again.... what makes you different? What would make him stay with you even if someone even more attractive came along?

Please very carefully consider your position, obviously I am only making guesses about your situation and you have far more info than me and I am not in any way criticising you or your fella. We can all make rash decisions under Eros' spell

And as for the maintenance issue, yes, she is entitled to financial support for a while as he earns more than her. If it were the other way around (and that can happen) would you be complaining on her behalf? :rolleyes:

All the best,

Eph.

bloomin_freezing

oh dear mrcrow, did someone touch a nerve. Is that what mrscrow gets up to then? Or rather the old mrscrow??:p

mrcow

novagirl wrote: »

..and he couldn't say No at any point? I think him not being able to say no has lead to this in the first place

I agree that if he was my new partner I wouldn't trust him an inch. Some people are extremely weak willed....not the type of person who would attract me personally.

Having never had an affair or been on the receiving end of one, I have no opinion either way on the rights or wrongs of the affair. I just resent the way that some posters seem to be trying to paint a false picture of some innocent wife who is completely blameless in the situation. She may well not be......for all we know, she could have had numerous affairs of her own.

mrcow

bloomin_freezing wrote: »

oh dear mrcrow, did someone touch a nerve. Is that what mrscrow gets up to then? Or rather the old mrscrow??:p

You're going to have to elaborate as you are making no sense? I have no idea what to you are inferring?

Get up to what?

poet123

Surely if that were the case the ex would have had that taken into account by the courts? like you I have no experience of this personally but have friends and family who have and in most cases the man looks for an excuse to explain why he cant stay faithful,anything will do except the truth........new sex.

haylibo

but bf now mentions that he may have to pay maintenance for the next 2 years. I don't understand why?
It is something along the lines of 'keeping her in the manner to which she has become accustomed' (ap) lol. She may not simply be demanding her pound of flesh but after such a long time of being supported and together with someone she may really need the money for both financial and emotional reasons. Two years would give her a nice cushion to grieve her old life and make a new one don't you think?
Wish you all the best. A couple of years is such a short time, it'll soon pass. My advice (feel free to ignore )would be to try to be gracious, you're already so much the winner. If you leave it to him to sort out the relationship with her and you spend your time concentrating on the new life together I bet you'll be better it.
Hayles

skyrocket

The thing is that I don't see that the op is the winner.
Although the wife might not see it now, she is the winner because she is now free of this faithless, cheating vermin and will now be single to find someone who is capable of keeping it in his pants long enough to have a proper relationship.

rumpelstiltskin_2

Does the OH ex have kids from a prev relationship? My husband's career has taken off in recent years and especially so once the youngest has been born. But he's been able to be the 'blue-eyed boy' and go to meetings/conferences all over the U.K and abroad and work late and be away o/n with no pattern to it cos I've been at home providing 24 hour childcare. If I'd worked and had needed him to drop off/pick kids up from childminders/nurseries/school etc he may not be where he is now. Is this a similar case to what your OH and his ex have had.

Mrcow- I think someone is thinking you are Mr and not female due to your username. Not that I can say anything cos I'm female and currently posting under hubby's ID (can't be bothered to switch over).

simpywimpy

mrcow wrote: »

Yes, because you're not together anymore. If lack of earnings worry you, then get a job and work your way up like everyone else has to do. It's not your ex husband's responsibility to subsidise your future life after everything has already been split between you.

you seem to have missed the point of my post. It was a hypothetical scenario if you had read fully, but are you really suggesting that someone can work their way to the top of the ladder in such a short time AND deal with hubby having run off at the same time?? I think not....