Is it fair?

deemarie_2

My bf's ex didn't contribute anything to the relationship in all respects especially money. They are now going through a seemingly long divorce due to our affair (please don't hate me!)
I realise that even after sitting on her ar** for 8 years she is entitled to 50% of everything (although I really don't think this is fair) but bf now mentions that he may have to pay maintenance for the next 2 years. I don't understand why? They have no children (thank god).
Can anybody offer any advice. To me it should be fair to ask for finances up to the point they split up but it appears he is being asked by her solicitor for financial statements to current date.
Thanks.

simpywimpy

Think of this from her point of view, they had been together for years and along comes another woman who sweep the rug from under her feet. I would be devastated if this was me.

My husband has a good wage, we have no kids together but I have from a previous relationship, if he were to leave me for another woman taking his income with him I would very likely lose my home and end up on the breadline because I can't earn anywhere near what he does. Is that fair?

When you take away the fact of it being his wife and look at it objectively as you would with anyone else, then why should she lose everything? Just because someone doesn't go out to work doesn't mean she hasn't made a contribution to the household and its running or else every footballers wife who spent her days shopping would end up penniless - and they don't.

If you love this man then you should not involve yourself in his finances with his wife and see this as the unfortunate price to pay for having fallen in love with a married man. (and im being very civil here)

Ive been in this position myself and it is the most awful betrayal ever but as I don't know the circumstances, I am trying to be objective and unbiased.

skyrocket

Please don't hate you?
I can't even begin to tell you what I think of women like you.
Whatever their financial dealings are is between them. I think you and him have done enough damage, don't you?

deemarie_2

I decided to post on MSE as I have been a lurker of posts for quite a while and have always been touched by the community support and expert advice (no matter what the subject).
My post was NOT aimed at asking for your opinions on what I have done (albeit you are entitled to provide it, just don't expect me to listen to it).
I have no qualms about him paying 50% (she is more than entitled to that) I merely asked for advice on the maintenance he has been asked to provide bearing in mind they don't have children.

Sola

How old is she? Is she able to work?

novagirl

Maybe she's just going for whatever she can get...I'd probably do the same if a relationship ending in that way.

deemarie_2

Sola wrote: »

How old is she? Is she able to work?

Sola
She is 29 and yes able to work. She has only recently got herself a pt job.
Thanks.

mrcow

simpywimpy wrote: »

My husband has a good wage, we have no kids together but I have from a previous relationship, if he were to leave me for another woman taking his income with him I would very likely lose my home and end up on the breadline because I can't earn anywhere near what he does. Is that fair?

Yes, because you're not together anymore. If lack of earnings worry you, then get a job and work your way up like everyone else has to do. It's not your ex husband's responsibility to subsidise your future life after everything has already been split between you.

paddy's_mum

I find an earlier response in this thread somewhat harsh. It always takes two to tango, unless someone is raped, forced or otherwise coerced.

Presumably deemarie did not hold a gun to her boyfriend's head. If she did not, then she should not be classed, in my view, as "women like you" for there are far too many men 'like that' and yet it is so often the other woman who is held entirely to blame.

I have no doubt that the short term maintenance he is being requested to pay is in order for his estranged wife to have some support while she gets herself perhaps re-trained, settled into gainful employment or to help make the financial adjustment that divorce will bring in its wake.

It is, again only in my view, not an unreasonable request to make and one that judges will very often grant, especially if the husband has much higher earning capacity. The courts often look upon it as a short term prop to the disadvantaged spouse, but not usually as a long term obligation. Hope that helps the original poster.

skyrocket

I think you will find that if you re-read my post it also mentions the other tango-er in this situation?
And while there is always women who have no regard for other people marriage vows then there will always be men like that too.
And incidentally I don't see that it is for the original poster to classify the married lady as having 'sat on her a#se for the past 8 years. Who knows what she contributed to her marriage.

paddy's_mum

skyrocket - agreed. However, given that people are not always as good or loyal as they might be, it does sometimes appear that so many women are given all the blame and get called horrid names while the men are viewed as virile, powerful or poor-little-chaps (usually by their mothers!)

So much human heartache is dismissed by the same old weak excuse - "I know I was a fool but I couldn't help myself" for which read "couldn't keep my zip done up"!

I remember my father telling one of my cousins who had fallen for a married man "if he is willing to leave his wife and children for another woman, how long before he treats you in the same way ...?" He was right - she did and he did!

My comment was not meant as a particular criticism of your point of view and I apologise if you felt that it was. (Love the word tango-er by the way. That one has now entered my personal vocabulary.)