Oops! I've fallen off the OS wagon.....

maryb

I felt the same as Math - that letting go would be a failure even though I knew that was silly. What I found worked for me was to try and maintain my (daft) standards on alternate days and give myself more leeway in between (even - shock, horror - going back to bed after the early morning feed!!). That way I didn't totally wear myself out plus I never felt it was all going downhill and out of control and I knew I could get back on track. Making a controlled decision to let certain things go is half the battle, then you don't have to contend with irrational guilt which, God knows, you don't need.

kiwichick

Oh Lils,

Try not to be too hard on yourself. I find it nigh on impossible to have EVERYTHING done in a day. I tend to haveone or two bits finished anda few more on the go. The laundry might be clean and dry but not folded orput away until tomorrow. The house clean but not hoovered, the upstairs clean but the downstairs a complete tip.

First thing I would say is do you attend any parent and child groups? I was an absolute head case until I found that my local health clinic where I had DD1 weighed had a first time mums/parents group one afternoon a week. Now dont get me wrong, it was a big step for me to go to this as I didntknow anybody at all and am quite shy at the best of times.

But do you know what? It REALLY was the best thing I could have done for me and my kids. I met other mums in EXACTLY the same situation. Having to cope at home with a baby all day having never done it before. OH still expecting things done like the pre baby days. No adult conversation for days at a time. For the first few sessions all we everdid was swap notes about how blimin hard it all is!

No word of a lie, we are all now the best of friends, have had babies 2 or even 3 come along and still meet every week. We tend to go to one persons house each week and rotate so we all get a turn hosting and chilling. The kids all love each other and we have all been absolutely the best support for each other.

Theses girls are now my best friends, I found that my pre baby friends didnt understand why I couldnt go out at the drop of a hat and we have lost contact over the months/years.

I have none of my family here, they all live in NZ and little or no support from OH'sfamily so this get together was a lifeline for me. Having some proper intelligent adult conversation, a moan about hubby, a little cry about how bad you are feeling just once a week with people in the same position might work a treat for you too.

Why not give your health visitor a ring and see if they have something similar in place near you?

In the mean time, we are all herefor a chat/moan/cry. We ALL have bad days love, dont put yourself down. You aredoing a FAB job with spud.

Al.
Al.

Lillibet_2

Thanks everyone, I feel a bit better today, I think, as so many of you have said, giving up control of life doesn't come easily to a control freak:o And yes, hubby frequently calls me Monica! Unfortunately I don't have any family close by to assist, I am happy to ask friends etc to baby sit but quite honetly would rather die than ask them to help me around the house:o I know it's silly but I can't get past it.

I will try & set myself realistic targets, just one or 2 a day. Todays will be to vacuum & sweep all floors. Dinner is already taken care of today, and I will start using my slow cooker more, thanks for the prompt on that. Amazingley I have been religiously using it once a week as norm & living fot those days but it never occured to me to use it more! Doh! Tomorrows target will be to change the bed. As well as keeping on top of the washing up (I had considered paper plates but though tthat was just going too far...I may re-consider!), keeping the beds made, the bathroom & kitchen topped & tailed. Does this sound possible? Oh I hope so. I tghink I will give up on the washable nappies for a few weeks, or maybe just use then as and when I feel OK to and come back to them properly in a month or 2.

I am going to ask Hubby to take Spud completely (prefably to anohter room) for a set hour every evening to give me a chance to pay bills, check bank accounts & budgets, meal plan & write shopping list etc.

Thank you everyone, you are all stars:A

xxx

moggins

Just remember hun that you are not Superwoman and no one is. Even Shirley Conran followed her book Superwoman with another called Down with Superwoman!!

No one can do it all. It's taken me 4 years to get back into any routine and that's only because she's gone to school now. This week it's half term and it's all gone to hell in a hand basket again. Frankly I count myself lucky if the washing goes on in the morning

But those years I have spent with her, playing her games and cuddling on the sofa, singing those silly songs and making playdough only for it to be ground into the carpet are ones I will treasure, they will never come again, so make the most of yours. That dust will always be around. The washing mountain will never diminish no matter how hard you try but those baby years will never come again. Make the most of them.

AussieLass

[QUOTE=Lillibet_I_will_try_&_set_myself_realistic_targets,_just_one_or_2_a_day._Todays_will_be_to_vacuum_&_sweep_all_floors._Dinner_is_already_taken_care_of_today,_and_I_will_start_using_my_slow_cooker_more,_thanks_for_the_prompt_on_that._Amazingley_I_have_been_religiously_using_it_once_a_week_as_norm_&_living_fot_those_days_but_it_never_occured_to_me_to_use_it_more!_Doh![/QUOTE]

It's amazing what you can pick up just reading different posts. I was reading one of Queenie's posts a while back saying she has a hot kitchen in summer and she uses her SC a lot. I never thought of that before, as I have a kitchen from hell in summer. It get's the afternoon sun. I've generally only done SC in the winter. I would cook extra with each meal too Lillibet and start to stockpile in freezer for more stressful days. Enjoy bubby, they are sooooo beautiful.

moonbeam682

hi lillibet
try not to worry too much I have been disorganised for 20 years now since my 1st was born & I don't think I will ever be in a routine until all 3 of them move out!
as long as you have a decent meal & clean clothes everything else can wait until you have the time & energy.
I used to worry about what people would think when they saw what a mess my house was in but now they have to except that when they come around it will not be spotless & if they don't like it then hard luck!
I have never had family to help out either so I know how you feel but one day you will feel proud that you have done it all by yourself. It will get easier especially when they go to nursery/school & everything can be done twice as fast without interruption.
good luck
:grouphug:

JC67

Lillibet

I think the mistake people make is they think that a baby fits into their life. They don't, you have to adapt your life!! I remember when I had my first baby, I thought I was doing well if I managed to get showered and dressed and once I was so tired I sprayed myself with polish instead of deodorant.

I'm a list maker, so I find it helpful to have just a couple of targets for each day. Also when my babies were not mobile, I did household jobs in short bursts of activity while they were watching me sat in their bouncer chair. But you do have to accept that you just can't get as much done as pre-baby.

As others have said, it does get easier when they get to 3 or 4 (my third child is 20 months old now and he's into unpacking cupboards, climbing everywhere and generally creating havoc).

Lillibet_2

[QUOTE=JC67
As others have said, it does get easier when they get to 3 or 4 (my third child is 20 months old now and he's into unpacking cupboards, climbing everywhere and generally creating havoc).[/QUOTE]

I am very impatient....I was expecting to have a (diffrent) routine again by about 3-4 months:o:rotfl:I am a creature of habit, playing each day as it comes does not come naturally to me!
I will school myself....It is OK to be disorganized. It is OK to be disorganized. It is OK to be disorganized. It is OK to be disorganized. I will go away & repeat over & over whilst putting the laundry away & putting hubbys t shirts into their correct catagories.

moonbeam682

LOL Lillibet you have made me laugh!
As long as you keep that sense of humour you'll be just fine!

leonie_2

I remember feeling like this when my children were young. I wondered why my house was untidy and dinner was something out of a packet, when other people were superwomen.

I'd get my two girls ready to go into town, there's twenty two months between them, that would take ages, walk into town, get the shopping, come home....... and the day was gone!

Now eighteen years on, my oldest daughter has cancer and when she is in hospital I stay with her for a good eight hours a day, then when I come home i'm knackered and I go the the chippy and watch telly. My house is a mess, much worse than when they were little. But this time I dont care, I spend my time with my kids and they are happy and lovely teenagers. So sod the house, and what people think of me, I know im a great mum cos they say I couldnt be better!