Oops! I've fallen off the OS wagon.....

Lillibet_2

Oh Leonie, hijacking a thread is the last thing you should be worried about right now, it really puts my problems into perspective. Hope everything goes OK for you and your family. (((Leonie)))

black-saturn

When my children were very young I was in an abusive relationship. I was in that relationship for 9 years in total. I didnt work and all he used to give me was a £10 PW allowance. With that I would have to get everything me and the children needed as well as cope with having furniture thrown at me. Once he hit me under my chin and I bit my tongue off and it was hanging by a thread and had to have it sewn back on. So now I'm getting £150 PW it really does feel like I've won the lottery.

kiwichick

black-saturn wrote:

When my children were very young I was in an abusive relationship. I was in that relationship for 9 years in total. I didnt work and all he used to give me was a £10 PW allowance. With that I would have to get everything me and the children needed as well as cope with having furniture thrown at me. Once he hit me under my chin and I bit my tongue off and it was hanging by a thread and had to have it sewn back on. So now I'm getting £150 PW it really does feel like I've won the lottery.

Hiya Black-Saturn,

I am guessing from your post that you are now out of that relationship. GOOD FOR YOU. I hope you use some of your £150 to treat yourself every now and then, goodness knows you deserve it. You have done the best possible thing for your kids in getting out of that relationship. Having grown up with physically abusive parents I can remeber only too well the arguments that went on. My dad leaving was the best day of my life.

Being an adult now and having my own children has made me realise what my mum went through and how strong she was. I know it was hard for her to escape it but it made her a better person too.I really appreciate what she did for us.

Threadhead

Lillibet - I feel for you. Remember, nothing lasts. Soon, spud will be running about and you will be wondering where your tiny baby went (I know I am!).

I am going to buck the trend though - The worst thing I could do when Miss Mop was tiny, was stay in my dressing gown all day. Maybe I am a bad mother, but I decided that she wouldnt get ill if she cried for 10 mins in the morning while I had a quick shower. Turns out I was right, and she mostly didnt cry anyway.

((((Leonie)))) ((((Black Saturn))))

brummiebabe

Hiya Lillibet - reading your thread was like stepping back 5 years to when DS1 was born!! I hadn't got a clue what had hit me!! I had days when things went ok & I thought 'I can handle this' then other days where I'd get really upset, feel totally overwhelmed and it felt like the end of the world!!

There were a couple of things which I found helped, and I know others have mentionned them :
1) To get out & meet other mums - this saved my sanity.
2) I would get showered & dressed before DH went to work. This made me feel more human & somehow made the day that bit easier. I'm a bit of a 'Monica' too, and hate being in my PJ's/dressing gown past around 9am. It made me feel more in control (although I wasn't - DS1 was!!!;) )

Best of luck with it all!! I've now come to realise (after DS2 came along) that the housework will always be there, I try to do it in small chunks & don't beat myself up if it doesn't get done!! Nobody (if they're worth knowing) will think any worse of you, just because you haven't vacuumed for a few days!!

Take care & rest assured that it does get easier. Mine are now 5 & 2.5 and, although they can be little devils at times, they're such fun!!! The routine will come in time if you stick with it!!!!

Jay-Jay_4

AND....... if it make you feel any better..... my house is a mess, we still eat regular takeaways and I often look wrecked.

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. and my two are 6 yrs and 21 months old :eek:

MrsB_2

Hi Lillibet,

I dont know if anyone has ever mentioned FlyLady to you at all, but you might just find she can help.

Here's a link to her site and the list of ideas her members have used for coping with household stuff whilst looking after a baby.

I dont have kids, so cant comment, but hope it helps. I know her routines and advice of doing whatever needs doing for just 15 mins at a time (or 5 if 15's unrealistic) has been a godsend for me, and I wish i could remember which angel on this board first posted the link to FlyLady's site, so i could say a proper Thank You.

Take care of yourself, things will get better.

black-saturn

kiwichick wrote:

Hiya Black-Saturn,

I am guessing from your post that you are now out of that relationship. GOOD FOR YOU. I hope you use some of your £150 to treat yourself every now and then, goodness knows you deserve it. You have done the best possible thing for your kids in getting out of that relationship. Having grown up with physically abusive parents I can remeber only too well the arguments that went on. My dad leaving was the best day of my life.

Being an adult now and having my own children has made me realise what my mum went through and how strong she was. I know it was hard for her to escape it but it made her a better person too.I really appreciate what she did for us.

Yes I am out of that relationship now. I walked out with nothing to my name but 2 carrier bags of childrens clothes, £5 in my purse and my mobile phone. I was up to my eyeballs in debt because of him. Now I have my own house. have paid all the debt off and am now starting to enjoy holidays which were a no no in those days and now I have a really nice boyfriend who I got engaged to last weekend.

FairyElephant_2

Hey Black-Saturn!
I was in an abusive relationship too (although mine was more pschycological than physical), and he drained me of all cash, lied, cheated and made me feel it was all my fault. Then when I finally found the courage to end it he tried to kill me.

I now have cleared all the debts, and I too have a wonderful B/F who I have a house with, and he proposed to me 2 weeks ago! We are getting married in March.

I feel so proud that I survived, and that I now have a wonderful life. I may not be rich or skinny, but I am comfortable and have a man who loves me, and is my best friend.

Hats off to you for making it too - I am always so heartened to hear about someone else who went through similar and has made things come good.

All the best to both of us!

Hugs,

FE

black-saturn

My ex only ever hit me 3 times (which was enough). The rest of it was emotional abuse. I have a website now for people who have been through or come out of emotional abuse:

Emotional Abuse Website