Oops! I've fallen off the OS wagon.....

dronid

Firstly - and I don't know your living arrangements so I am presuming - get a small lock for your bedroom door. Your room is a sanctuary (gosh that sounds so new age!) and you need to be able to withdraw to it without worrying about tidying it. The lock is only there to keep anyone inquisitive out while no-one is in there!:D

With regards to your babysitting friend there are a good list of vegetarian and vegan slow-cooker recipes here
http://vegetarian.about.com/od/vegetariancrockpotrecipe/Vegetarian_Crock_Pot_Recipes.htm
Actually this is one of the other sites I tend to recommend generally apart from MSE as there are loads of recipes!:drool:
http://www.about.com/food/

I find having separate washing baskets can be helpful. If the stuff is sorted when it goes in it makes it a “stuff it in and put it on operation. If it can go on last thing at night without disturbing you it’s usually fine to take and hang out the following morning – circumnavigating all that waiting for it to finish. It also means that, although you may have to make sure the washing goes in the right place, when it comes to washing your OH shouldn’t have a problem.:D Despite what he may say!

Insomnia. Well, the usual things are

Try to relax – yes I know but maybe investigate a little yoga you can do at home for 10 mins.
Warm milk – not too much has a number of chemicals in it to help you sleep – make sure it’s warm though, hot or cold slows down your digestion.
Salad of an evening – particularly lettuces are good as it doesn’t start your stomach working during the night.
No caffeine – though I think you’ll have worked that out!:o
And if you can during a rare lull, go and lie down in your bedroom and try and analyse what – if anything - makes it uncomfortable, bedding, sheets, mattress, pillows, décor, breeze etc. And work on trying to change it. If you can that is!

As far as the OH goes and persuading him to do some cleaning etc, it’s a difficult one.

You could always have 15 cups of coffee and manically tidy while singing “A spoonful of sugar” from “Mary Poppins” with a hysterical edge until he relents.:eek: :eek: :eek:

It does sound like you both need a break for a little equilibrium!

daisyroots_2

Lillibet wrote: »

So most of the time I just jump right in & do it myself in the first place for a quiet life. Anyone got any bright ideas on how to combat this?

The answer to this dilemma can be quite difficult to hear, but it boils down to this: it's his house too. Who says that your standards should prevail ? If your standards are higher than his, and you want to maintain them, you're going to have to do more than your fair share. Nagging wears everyone down and ultimately does not work. So, how much is it worth to you to have - say - a tidy bedroom ? Given your insomnia, quite a lot, I'd say. But the residue of nagging about it can linger in your brain and prevent you sleeping. But perhaps you can let your standards slip in other areas which are less important to you ? And tell him you've decided not to bother with X, Y and Z (ironing his shirts perhaps ?) because you don't have time or energy. If it's important to him, he knows what he can do, doesn't he ?

exlibris

[I suggested a chore list for each person then they can see how much you do and how much they do and hopefully they will feel guilty enough to do something.]

Try getting him to help make the chore list. Ask for his ideas on what needs doing and try not to monopolize this. It should include the more "manly" jobs like mending things. Even include jobs that are only done periodically like decorating. It is his house too and he needs input on what happens there. It is very difficult not to see it all from your point of view.

When you have decent list, work out how often the jobs need doing, do you dust every day or only once/twice a week? is the washing up done after every meal or just once a day? You might choose to do some jobs less frequently until you feel more on top of things. Then work out who does them.

Also allow yourselves down time, both individually and together. Don't forget a relationship needs to be nurtured to grow.

You have been in control before so you know you can do it. Also as others have said consider depression. The weather has been c**p and we are all missing our summer doses of sunshine.

Count your blessings. - You have Spud, OH is prepared to help even if only a little. I am sure you can think of more.


Hugs Exlibris

dronid

I would second the comment about weather. It’s very tempting to stay inside when the weather is overcast. Unfortunately it can lead to depression quite easily. If you can get outside (obviously not when it’s raining) the light you get will make a substantial difference. My partner has a lightbox for the winter months and we’ve certainly noticed a difference since it’s been used!

Spendless

Lillibet wrote: »

Hubby has, of course, perfect the art of all men and teenagers, of whenever I ask him to do something house-work related he whines, moans & kicks up a huge fuss about it then 4 days later does it & makes a pigs ear of it & I have turned into a nagging witch in the mean time. So most of the time I just jump right in & do it myself in the first place for a quiet life. Anyone got any bright ideas on how to combat this?

Tell him what I told mine, that I find a tidy home erotic

My children at a little bit older than yours started pre-school 1 or 2 mornings a week for a couple of hours, and I found I got loads done in that time.

Merlot

mollymunchkin wrote: »

Regarding your toddler pulling out plugs you could try this

http://www.clippasafe.co.uk/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1_3&products_id=16&zenid=3a2599cae44be78d246f616c0b970ec2

I too have to recommend these, I bought some from B & Q a few years ago as my wee boy constantly pulled out plugs.

Lillibet, I think you are being unfair on yourself, you seem to have lost the way a wee bit, but with a young child thats very easy to do. I know its difficult, you want your home to be as tidy and organised as it was before you had a child, take baby steps and make a list of everything that you want to acheive and give yourself plenty of time and DON'T fret if it doesn't get done (the housework will still be there when you're not!) and this is from someone who used to be obsessed with cleaning and tidying, I have learned to chill out and enjoy my children and my home, we r only here for such a short time and I am not saying its ok to live in a complete tip, cause I couldn't but l have had to learn to accept the house comes last on the priory list. Enjoy Spud and as for your OH, he is a typical male, my OH takes at least 7 days to think about it before actually getting around to doing it and then does half a job, so I get my own back and only do half the ironing (ie. the childrens and mine).

recovering_spendaholic

I think you are doing really well lillibet - I remember when my DD2 was 2 (she's 9 now) and I still shudder at the thought of it. I went back to work when she was 16 weeks old and well remember the horrors of trying to keep everywhere tolerably tidy and clean, whilst trying to keep her from coming to mischief (she was a climber who knew no fear:eek: ). This isn't very OS and I hope others won't shout at me for suggesting it, but once, when DD was 3 or so (by now I was a single parent as OH had run off with his mistress) I came in from work and was just totally overwhelmed by the amount of washing and ironing that had built up - it was like painting the Forth Bridge with it - so I rang a local laundry service and piled everything that needed washing and ironing into bin bags and got them to collect it. It cost me £50 but it meant that I could at last see the wood for the trees and after that it never built up in the same way as I got into the habbit of doing all my washing on a Friday (my day off) and ironing only what was neccessary, but making sure I put it all away as soon as possible. I also bought plug covers and put a baby gate on the lounge door so that I knew she wouldn't wander when I was in the kitchen. I also got into the habit of doing a quick S&S round the lounge and kitchen before bed which meant I didn't come down to a mess.

I also suffer with insomnia and, this might sound really facile, but I find that a cup of hot milk with malted milk powder in it about half an hour before I go to bed really helps me - it's not magic but I seem to get a better quality of sleep with it.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up about things, and a bought birthday cake one year won't be the end of the world!

Pooky

I agree with the "bedroom is a sanctuary" - get yourself a lock - up high to be safe from small hands, make sure it's the first place you get sorted and tidy and keep it that way.

I found when my 2 were little that a stair gate across their bedroom door was the best thing ever. I could put them in their room and get on with cleaning upstairs, they could see me through the door but were restricted to the mess they could make. I also used to be a "mean mummy" according to my mother, and limit their toys, they'd have a box each, on rotation each week, that way they actually played with stuff and I made sure we had "tidy up time" every hour or so....what didn't get put away got put out of reach, they learn very quickly.

Why not pop to the library and get some singalong cd's for Spud to listen to - put one on loud and give him a duster and get him to help you tidy and sort.

As for the job/time situation, is working really worth it for you? Not just money wise but time/stress wise - Sometimes it's easy to think that "others cope - why can't I?" but everyone is different. I stopped childminding last year after I realised that although I was good at my job, the rest of the family hated it, they hated the intrusion, the constant demands on my time and the fact that I didn't have the time or energy to give to them. Although I do miss working I do enjoy the peace and harmony that we have as a family now. If you are working for the extra income then maybe have a look at what you're earning and what you're spending on ready meals and not having the time to meal plan etc and see if it's actually helping.

I've always thought of your posts of being very helpful and really enjoyed reading about Spud, you're an inspiration to a lot of us, you just need to get back on track, in your own time.

Good luck

dronid

recovering_spendaholic wrote: »

This isn't very OS and I hope others won't shout at me for suggesting it... I piled everything that needed washing and ironing into bin bags and got them to collect it. It cost me £50

We certainaly wouldn't shout at you. You did what you needed to do to get the job done.:T If you can afford £50 and it saves your sanity then it's well spent!:D

ppolly

When I went back to work part-time it was conditional on paying a very nice lady to come in and clean for 1 1/2 hours every week. Not OS at all, but paid for by the work I was doing. Also it was kind of sharing my wealth round the village a bit, and helping someone else. I've finished work for now and back to doing my own cleaning. People were amazed and even shocked when I mentioned that we had a cleaner, perhaps because I wore the same pair of trousers to work every week, for the duration of the job - but that was our priority.