want to escape abusive relationship!

coleys

Hi, havent read all the posts, but the ones I've read are the best advice for you.. Womens Aid in particular (I know from personal experience) are fantastic, they help sort everything out. Domestic violence comes in all forms, from physical abuse, mental abuse, denying you money, denying you your friends.. Do not let this bully take away anymore of your self asteem and please for the sake of your little one, dont let him continue.
Big hugs and good luck xx

Diamond78

Im sorry to hear what you have been going through.I have been in a similar position with my ex who is the father of my son.He started off with verbal abuse which eventually turned into pysical violence.I do hope he has not hurt you but mental abuse is just as bad.What your husband is doing is controlling you with his behaviour.Although I was not married,it does not give him the right to make you feel the way you do and treat you the way he does.Its not good for you or your child.His behaviour can eventually lead to actual violence.You must think of your safety and your childs.

Please from now on keep a diary of events.You really need to go to the police to report this as that is your safest option.Im sorry but I have not read the thread throughout so dont know the full facts but there is help out there and from what i have read by what others have posted they have given you fantastic advice.Like others have mentioned you need to contact womens aid and they will give you all the advice you need which is 100% confidential. If you are in any danger they will refer you to womens refuge who will get you and your child to safety.I have been in and out of refuges but it saved mine and my sons life.

His controlling behaviour will make you an emotional wreck and you will slowly loose your confidence and belive that you are in the wrong when you are NOT. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME for his coward and horrible behaviour.It is him who has a problem and you cannot help him.He has to realise he needs help and he needs to go to his Gp and get some sort of help either with anger managment or some sort.

Why should you keep out of his way??I know to well what this is like and walking on egg shells and keeping quite is heart breaking let alone draining.I know it can be hard to be discreet and you may feel you have no one to turn to but please belive me there is help out there. Do not worry tht he earns a lot as so did my ex and he still does.I had a council flat but left for mine and my sons safety, i didnt return as I knew he would hound me.He found me a couple of times when I got housed as it was in the area but with proper advice I finally moved out of the area to another borough.

He doesnt need to hit you for it to count as domestic violence.That is how domestic violence starts.Contact your comunity safety unit of where you are.Even if you have to leave your home for a while so be it. Remember hunni what goes around comes around 10 times worse and he will get what he deserves.Im sorry to say but he is a bully. If you need a chat or ny advice please PM me.But please dont stay silent and get help as you will not be turned away.Al the best and praying for you.x

Fran

Just to support the idea of contacting Women's Aid first. CAB would only refer you there, Women's Aid are the experts in the field. They will tell you the best thing to do. Good luck.

jeannieblue

Good luck sweetie - it seems you have a lot of support on this site which can only be good.

i know from experience how hard it is to make that first step, fortunately in some ways my children were older and could help me on the escape! I remember seeing a play on tv called 'trip trap' - all about a woman with a child suffering from abuse, mainly mental, she saved up secretly, until she had enough 'pennies' and trip trap - she went!

I luckily, found a great solicitor who advised me on what to do - I also had an escape plan, thanks to family, it was all kept secret and then I was gone. Unfortunately I did suffer a very bad head injury before the escape, but am fine now! He, the in denial idiot, cannot understand what went wrong. They know not what they do. Get out my love, plan if you can, get help where you can - and get a great free new life!

:A

shell_girl

Hi Mummy26, and well done for posting.

If at any point you or your child is in danger I strongly suggest that you call the police immediately. Reading your posts I’m not sure whether your husband is violent or mentally abusive, but I want to congratulate you for having the courage to tell people and the desire to leave.

I actually work for WA and there are two legal helplines that we recommend women use.

The first is the National Centre for Domestic Violence on 0800 9702 070- this number is staffed 24 hrs. They offer free legal advice on all issues relating to Domestic Abuse. Another number is the Rights of Women helpline- which is a fabulous organisation staffed by female solicitors who are there to give free advice on exactly the type of question you posed in your initial post. You can contact RoW on 020 7251 6577 and they are open Tues Weds and Thurs 2pm-4pm and 7pm-9pm, and on Fridays from 12 noon till 2pm.

These helplines can give you advice on leaving, or things like occupation orders in case you decide to stay and ask your husband to leave (this can be done even if he does pay all of the mortgage but it would involve taking the case to court and stating that he is abusive).

Your local WA group can offer you support whether you are still in the relationship- in the process of leaving, or have left an abusive partner. If you would like to be put in touch with your local group you can call the national number 0808 2000 247 and they will be able to tell you where your local group is based and put you in touch with them. If you decide that you need to get out and need emergency refuge they can also help. If you’re in Wales the national number is 0808 80 10 800, Scotland it’s 0800 027 1234, Northern Ireland 0800 917 1414 and Republic of Ireland is 1800 341 900.

If you are planning to leave then you have been offered some great advice already- i.e keeping a diary of incidents, having a plan in place and possibly a bag packed. Try and have the originals of all your important documents with you, and think about getting an extra set of house and car keys cut.

The last thing I will say is that a woman is at MOST danger when she decides to leave, so please be very careful and use the support available from your local WA group and the police.

If you have any questions or I’ve missed anything please feel free to ask questions- it helps keep me up to date on the legal stuff TBH!

chivers1977

That is a great answer for anyone in this position.......