want to escape abusive relationship!

RAMBLER

it is free to call womans aid who are amazing, i did a project on domestic violence for my counselling course and they do loads, and can offer fantastic help/support/advise.

Remember your safety and your childs is the most important factor, and i don't just mean physically, but also emotinally. You must be an amazing person to reach and and ask for help, so well done..... I agree with everyone else, if you feel in risk just leave things can be replaced you can't, you and your child are precious.

If you use the internet to look on the womans aid website remember to delete history and cookies, if you don't know how it shows you.

IS there anyone else close to you can talk to/get support from?

A huge mental and physical hug for you both.

debs66_2

9 years ago i was desperately unhappy in my marriage. there was no abuse but i was controlled, and my husband did not want me to have a life outside our house.

i wasn't in danger, but i know what you are feeling. the only way i could describe it once i ended the marriage was to say that I felt like I had been standing on a cliff in the dark, and I was scared to take a step forward in case i fell. eventually, i dared to take took the step and was amazed when there was solid ground beneath my feet.

there is help. you can do this. you and your child will be better off in the long run. if you are able to work at least 16 hours a week you will qualify for tax credits, but if not there is a network of assistance out there for you. do not be too proud to take the help. you will have good days and you will have bad days, but you will be in control of them all, and that's what counts.

once you are in charge of your own destiny, in the words of the great Homer Simpson, the world is your lobster!

if you search the web for 'divorce help' you will find a couple of good sites that have forums and legal advice that will get you on the right track.

Good luck and I wish you well.

squashy

Well done for making the first step in posting here. Some excellent advice above. Wishing you the very best of luck x

djdido2

Don't think about the future, put that aside for a wee while and think about now!! I stayed in a similar relationship for a lot longer than I wanted through fear and the control my ex partner had over me. I used every reason I could think of in the book to stay and I can honestly say my biggest regret was not doing it sooner. I left with bag of clothes and baby things and I have never looked back. Its damn hard, financially, but my kids have never been happier and although I do feel a bit lonely at times, I am free. No-one to answer too. Place to myself with woolly socks and a night gown to keep me cosy and warm. Sheer bliss!

Nobody deserves to be treated this way. Get some help and we will all be here for you to support you along the way. xxx

antronella

Have you anyone you could stay with while you get yourself sorted? Friend/family? Many solicitors provide a free half hour first appointment, ring a few to find one that does...or the CAB can give you the name of one and make you an appointment (they did this for me).

If your husband becomes violent/abusive/aggressive and you are scared you must phone the police, they take this very seriously and your husband would have to leave the house..especially since there are children involved. This happened to a friend of mine when she told her husband she wanted a divorce. He became very aggressive, police were called...and he was not allowed to stay there...had to leave that night and wasn't allowed back ( she had no job and young children too).

Good luck, please don't put up with this any longer xx

moo2moo

Walk out the door and don't look back. You really don't need him or the influence he'll have long term on your child. Go to your citizens advice bureau, you'll be amazed at how helpful they will be. Apply for emergency council housing as if ou are uable to live with him you are homeless. They have a duty to offer you somewhere permanent within 28 days, reardless of whether you have a joint mortgage.

12 months ago a friend was in the same position only she put off leaving voluntarily and was assisted in her exit by his fist. You really don't need that!

furball

I know its hard but i left a violent and abusive relationship 8 yrs ago. We werent married but i wanted nothing from him anyway. I had a yound child and a 4 month old baby. 8 yrs on i am happily married to the most wonderful gentle kind loving husband and we now have a child together. The children still see the X he is still an a**se h*le and i have never regretted leaving him, any hardship was outweighed by the relief and the feeling that being safe in your own home, rented or otherwise can bring. My x was loaded then and is now worth a fortune, couldn't give a damn, happiness and feeling safe in your own home are worth more than a hundred lottery wins.

ailuro2

Scan or photocopy important documents, bank statements etc. and keep them somewhere safe outside the house, even if it is an online photo storage place, you will have access to them when required without needing back into the house.

Kids' birth certificate, marriage cert, passport etc.;)

Good Luck!

pinkpig08

Does he work during the day? Could you pack some things whilst he's at work?

I_know_my_ABC_and_my_CMYK

Good luck, its a brave decision to make. Remember there is help out there which I'm sure others on this thread will have the links to. I do know there are refuges you can go to where you will be safe with your child, don't forget the police can help if you have to go back to the house to collect things, they can protect you. I think the CAB can help also with any problems you will have. Not may options but some to consider. Good luck and now you have made your decision, in those weak moments remember why you chose to leave, You deserve to be treated lovingly not as an object, and so does your child