want to escape abusive relationship!

Loretta

Make a plan and be prepared. Get some advice, go to CAB or a solicitor. If you have a friend or a family member confide in them, pack some essentials in case you have to leave in a hurry and store them with a friend. get all your personal documents, passport, birth certificates etc if you have to claim benefits even for a short time it will be very difficult without the paperwork. Photo copy all bank statements, yours and his, savings etc any wage slips, mortgage statements, anything to do with money especially his.

I think that if you have a child your husband will have to maintain you and pay the mortgage until your child finishes full time education , maybe 18, you should be able to stay in the house.

Write everything down that you can think of, time, date etc and from now on keep a diary about everything that happens.

if you are in immediate danger you have no option but to go now. If you are not in immediate physical danger spend the time gathering documents etc and making an escape plan and get hold of as much money as you can whatever happens you need a bit to tide you over.

Speak to Women's Aid and speak to the domestic violence unit at your local police station, this is not the same as making a complaint or accusation or asking the police to look into an offence, they will give you advice, they deal with this all day evry day and you may be surpried at how much help there is out there.

Good lck and keep posting

Loretta

I forgot to say in the 'good old days' you had to be beaten half to death before anyone took any notice, these day people understand about verbal abuse, intimidation etc and take it very seriously

oldMcDonald

RAMBLER wrote: »

Remember your safety and your childs is the most important factor, <snip>

If you use the internet to look on the womans aid website remember to delete history and cookies, if you don't know how it shows you.

Please follow this advice, it really is important to. Delete your history (this thread will be in there) and then look up several sites on the internet before shutting the PC down, so that it doesn't look obvious that you have deleted anything.

Hugs.

mummy26

thank u so much for ur kind comments and support im definately going to try some things suggested. i know silly question but i know how to delete history but whats cookies im scared hes gna check what iv been on

oldMcDonald

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=00010001000800010001

Link above to the womans aid website page which will tell you how

oldMcDonald

The womans aid website also suggests going online at a local library so as to be completely sure that you will not leave cookies etc.

If you delete cookies on your home PC, I don't know if you can be selective, or if you have to delete them all eg. banking info etc. Maybe ask over on the techie board, they may know if it is possible and how to do it?
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.html?f=29

star-X_2

Click on tools on the toolbar and you can delete your cookies, it literally says delete cookies. Thinking of you xxx

shelley_crow

I can only echo the sentiments of the rest of the posters. You and your child do not deserve to be treated badly by your husband. Don't give him the chance to increasse his abusive behaviour to you both. He clearly has emotional/psychological issues, they are his problem and not yours. You're a strong lady and i admire your courage, hugs to you both xxx

stressedofdevon

I have been through domestic violence and can tell you there is life afterwards. I would rather live the rest of my life in solitary confinement than in an abusive relationship for one more day. We were wealthy and went to Florida every year, but the best holiday my kids ever had was a tesco clubcard freebie at butlins - no arguements!

Don't feel you need to make any quick decision, although of course if you are in physical danger safety should be your prime concern. Contact Womens Aid who will offer you support. They are marvellous and will give practical help, advice and a good ear. I am thinking that you may be able to get an occupation order to remain in the house until the dust settles and you can sell and move on. This can be linked with orders to protect you if he won't leave you alone. The police will have domestic violence officers who can help too, and it doesn't have to be just about physical harm. The mental scars last far longer than the physical usually, and they are trained to know how bad that stuff is.

If you are not ending the relationship immediately then the best advice I can give you is to make a safety plan, put money and documents aside as others have said, and collect evidence which you may need in the future. When you are under such stress it is hard to remember things later on, so keep a diary if you can, at a friends house if need be. If he does hurt you then make sure you go to the GP or another professional. Get in the habit of telling people what is happening, it will help you to begin to move away from the secret life you are living with this bully. I know that no professional will pressure you to leave before you want to, and you will not be losing your children or anything scary like that by telling people. Most of us worry about that but I can reassure you it won't happen.

Keep strong, you have made the first step and it is clear we are all rooting for you. Good luck.

jeannieblue

Verbal/mental abuse is, I think, worse than physical. If you get the right help and advice, you shouldn't have to leave your home, he should. Its not easy, legal advice should be free via legal aid.

Go online and try to find a solicitor in your area with experience in marital problems. You can get a half hour session for around £20 and they will point you in the right direction.

Good luck - its not impossible!