Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Mooloo, your son has been through an awful lot recently, it could be that the stress of it all has got to him as well, maybe people at school know some of it and there's some bullying going on. And maybe he won't tell you about it because he doesn't want to worry you, and doesn't see what you can do to stop it anyway.

Apart from hauling you in, what are the school doing to support him? Have they offered him someone to talk to, in confidence? If he's over 13 (I can't remember, sorry!) then he should have a Connexions adviser, they're not always a lot of help, but if he's getting towards the end of compulsory education then they should at least be able to point him towards vocational options which might suit him better.

My son is 15. This year he is doing the first year of his GCSE's. So I suppose he must have a connexions person by now. I know that he has wanted to either join the army or be a mechanic. (possibly a mechanic in the army). But I obviously would rather he didnt go in the army what with iraq and afganistan etc.
I realise he is going to be affected by everything, and I have tried to discuss it all with him no end of times. All I can do is keep trying. Its just frustrating when he wont say anything and just look at me, nod. then go on and do the same stuff all over again. I suppose I ought to be grateful that he is at least still basically on the straight and narrow. Though.

Savvy_Sue

mooloo, he's 15 ... that's what they DO at 15! They've done research into boys' brains at that age, they process things differently for a while - not like a child, but not like an adult either.

I can see you wouldn't want him going into the armed forces, but maybe talk to the school about vocational courses for mechanics. Even if he's very bright and they want him on the '10 GCSEs' route, if it's what he wants to do, he'll do better, and it may be possible to combine some GCSEs with a vocational course.

Savvy_sewing

Well I logged on this morning from someone elses computer, wrote a long essay of a reply only to be told that I cannot post. So I have come home and see if I can do it from here?

Savvy_sewing

Well that worked, so must have been something todo with the computer I was writing on. Of course now I dont have as much time to put the thoughts in.

My son is already doing day release at college on a friday, doing engineering. I have never stressed about what he studies, or made him try to do too much, I am realistic. I just want him to attend school so that I know where he is, that he is getting the opportunity to learn, and not mixing with the wrong crowds. I just tell him I am worried that he is not putting in enough effort to achieve and I dont want him regreting it later. If he does apply for an apprentice with his fathers company then they will want to also know that he can apply himself. That goes for the army too. He has to conform or he wouldnt last in the army. As a forces child I have seen it first hand.
My sister married a soldier as well. Disapline is a must. But I am not a tyrant. Just a worried mum who wants to know where her son is if he is not at school. I realise that I have added to his stresses this last year, but we have always had a very roller coaster life, and have been through a lot worse before this. His father left home before son's 1st Birthday. So its not been an easy life with the twins and thier problems too.

Seaxwyn

Hi Mooloo. That must be a big worry about your son missing school. I think you're amazing the way you cope with a large family and lots of things to worry about.

Savvy_Sue

mooloo, I can so understand what you are saying. I've got a 15 yo myself! Who seems to be putting in very little effort, and has had to have serious conversations at school about the need to get at least a C in his English Language - he is perfectly capable of getting an A, but he doesn't believe me or the school about this! He has finally taken on board that an E won't do if he wants to go into 6th form (he does, easier than looking for work! :rotfl:) and is doing past papers at home. But there had to be something tangible for him to be told for it to make a difference.

Will his school (lack of) attendance cause problems for his college studies? Can he see any link there, or not yet?

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Mooloo

Just caught up with your diary. Kids eh so hard work at times. I hope you get to the bottom of the reason for your sons truancy and I hope school are supportive in putting things in place to hopefully make him happier to go.

Does he still have contact with his dad? I wondered if ,maybe he could talk to him about the truancy and see if he can get anything out of him?

Savvy_sewing

Seaxwyn wrote: »

Hi Mooloo. That must be a big worry about your son missing school. I think you're amazing the way you cope with a large family and lots of things to worry about.

Not sure if I would call my self amazing, just a frazzled mum who keeps on going, and going and going, and occassionally gets the odd thing sorted!

Savvy_sewing

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

mooloo, I can so understand what you are saying. I've got a 15 yo myself! Who seems to be putting in very little effort, and has had to have serious conversations at school about the need to get at least a C in his English Language - he is perfectly capable of getting an A, but he doesn't believe me or the school about this! He has finally taken on board that an E won't do if he wants to go into 6th form (he does, easier than looking for work! :rotfl:) and is doing past papers at home. But there had to be something tangible for him to be told for it to make a difference.

Will his school (lack of) attendance cause problems for his college studies? Can he see any link there, or not yet?

Hi SavvySue,
I realise that I am not alone with this one! There are a lot of mums pulling their hair out, including you I see!. My son has reasonable capabilities and should be able to get a C in most of his subjects, (if he ever bothers), I cannot get him to do any homework at home at all. All I get was I've done it, and I never get to see the work to school book that I am supposed to sign, to keep my end of the school policy. I dont know if they will bring him out of school for the meeting next week or not? I hope so. I have however got to see if I can rearrange the time, as with all the Juggling at work etc, I have just realised I have Physio at the same time as the meeting. Aargh, my memory, I still havent sussed out how to use the reminders and things on the computer, and of course as I never really know when I am going to grab the time to get on here? Will it be an advantage if I did.?

Savvy_sewing

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Hi Mooloo

Just caught up with your diary. Kids eh so hard work at times. I hope you get to the bottom of the reason for your sons truancy and I hope school are supportive in putting things in place to hopefully make him happier to go.

Does he still have contact with his dad? I wondered if ,maybe he could talk to him about the truancy and see if he can get anything out of him?

Hi Keeping Motivated. Yes my son does have contact with his Dad. He does go to visit about once a month these days. But he is about as helpful as a chocolate tea pot.!! I have gone to him before asking for his help, but he is so laid back as to be horizontal. As he didnt do much as school, and has managed to keep a job as a mechanic (just through friends,) he sees it as no problem, that he can have a word and get my son a job. But I would like my son to realised and remember what his Dad says is often not fullfilled.!! Remember all those promises to take them places when they were little, and the I will be there only not to turn up!
The Dad asked for my son and actually twin 2 to go and live with him and his new wife, when my pub failed in 2006. Only for them to stay for 5 days and for him to say he cant have them anymore, giving them back to stay with me
and my BF before I had even managed to find somewhere to live. So they ended up together sleeping in a corner of the lounge/dinner for 6 months before we managed to get it partitioned, and a further4 months like that with just my son, until I was rehoused into the last flat.

On a different subject, we have managed to get twin2's BF out of the flat, that he was squatting in. God what a mess, I had to make a pact with the devil for a night, and let him stop on the put you up here, and help move his stuff for him. But he has finally been rehoused into a laughingly called 1 bedroomed flat. Hu, its the outhouse of a place, it is 4ft wide, and has a toilet and shower in the first 2ft of it, then a fridge, worktop with 2 ring hob on top of a microwave, on the otherside of the door is a basin (not even a kitchen sink)
Opposite the door is a stand with a TV on it.
The bed is filling the rest of the space with a 12" wardrobe beside it.!! And they are charging £500 a month for that!!! Disgusting. Mind you he is not my problem anymore. My daughter has said he is her ExBF so she has had enough of his bad behaviour and I think that if she sticks with that her life is going to improve.
This all means that her debts to the council stop as of yesterday. (stop increasing) and that they did mention writing off the time Daniel was there, and the cost of the damage/ but until I see that in writing I am not sure, as I only got it over the phone from a lady.
So I wonder what else today will bring?
I have got to go into work, for a few hours, but I intend to make sure the volunteers know whats to be done. Do the Gift Aid paperwork and come home at 2pm.
Tomorrow I only intend to go in for a few hours to do the end of day figures if I can muster up enough help.
Hopefully next week I can go back to the 4 hours 4 days a week I am contracted too.
My Consultant at the hospital told me I had to change my job. To start with I am trying to change the way I have to do the job, and see if that helps/ But if it doesnt then I will have to re look at my options.
Finances are going to be a big part of it. So its time to knuckle down and do all the things I have been saying I will do. For ages and ages....:rolleyes:
Have a good weekend one and all, I may or may not manage to get back on to the computer much.