We are being evicted, some advice please...... the date has arrived......

blue_monkey_2

Again Dopster, you have skim read. This person still will launch himself on my sister when she goes to town. What do you think he might do if he was to see me in town, give me a gentle wave?? Don't you think that HE is the problem, not me so why do you say I am 'harking on about my unhealthy issues'? People should not have to live in fear - being that my house might be torched when I slept (as has happened twice and also when his sister took me in he did the same to HER house too - and you suggest I am the one unhinged??), why should I put my kids to bed knowing that we might be burnt in our beds. Am I never supposed to sleep just in case?

If you read properly you would have seen that the Maisonette was temporay - and because they knew we would probably not be able to accept they had the hostel lined up too because they also have a DUTY OF CARE to ensure the family is housed elsewhere if there is any 'fear of violence' towards us - be this bodily or racial. The same as if my husband was the one being a problem they would house us where he could not find us.

As has been noted before, my son has requirements that THEIR OWN doctor has told them he has to have. A maisonette does not meet these requirements - hence it being temporary. We told her we WOULD move to the hostel, this was agreed, but then SHE offered us the alternative to wait and get evicted to wait and see if something something more suitable for our NEEDS becomes available in that time, if not then we move to the hostel. Who is agruing?? Again, this is what A DOCTOR WHO HAS BEEN EMPLOYED BY THE COUNCIL HAS TOLD THEM MY SON NEEDS not me telling them what I want.

If you are not up to date on the problems children who have Autism along with other problems have, especially those that involve changes in their day to day life and routine, then I suggest you take half an hour to take a look at various websites to find out.

Do you REALLY think the council would have given us this option if it was not available, they would have said 'take it or we cannot help you any further'. This is what they do, it is what they have to do by law, but my case is a little more complex than that and there are other issues to be considered.

I was prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt but you really don't have a clue as you have not read to understand just what our problems are.

And for further information, I do not live 'between' these 2 towns, they are on the far side of the district and cover about 6 square miles in total and are at the edge of the county and are joined together, leaving the rest of the district available including 2 other major towns (covering more space than these) and over 100 villages.

It must be great to live in your ideal and perfect world - can I come and live there with you? Welcome to the reality some of us have to face. Sometimes life kicks you in the face but you have to deal with it, and no, while we do not have family here we have lots of friends and other people who support us. This would be friends who accept my child as he is (yep, including the friend who just waved off when my son hit her 7 month old child on the head because I did not get there quick enough when the baby touched his train track). Making friends when you have a violent child who does not adjust to every social situation, or struggles to make himself understood to other children is very hard so I want to keep the ones that accept him as he is - I spend enough of my time apologising to people let alone having no friends to speak to either. So thanks for your concern.

And yes, it will prevent him visiting these town when he is with me - as I have already stated, I do not visit this town and I do not want his friends and family to find me. One has to wonder why on earth I would visit these towns for anything when there is a fear of being attacked? If my son chooses to go there when he is able to take himself as an adult that is down to him as no-one will know he is my child. Sadly that is the hand I have been dealt. Want to swap places??? Have you ever considered how I might feel when I see someone walking down the street and seeing someone with the same build, hair, walk. No, you cannot even contemplate the fear that I feel in knowing that I might have been 'found' when I have been so happy living life in peace and quiet with no-one to harrass me, as once I am found it will be daily and constant - as was proved when I was found last time when I moved back from the county I had moved to for a few years to get away from him. Some of the people on this thread understand totally and can understand these things. Do you think there is a problem that 20 years on and I still have some nutter wanted to do things to me because I had the audacity to walk out and humiliate HIM because I was sick of the constant beatings?? I could not even sleep because of the fear of being attacked while I slept (yes, this hapened so I know) so please don't even think you can understand my situation for one moment. My life changed the minute I went out with a black eye and decided that enough was enough. I humiliated him and his family, they are all nutters. You cannot even begin to understand this so don't even take the time to bother.

And remember, while I had to grow the balls to walk away from this, millions of women have to deal with things like this every single day, I am far from the first and certainly will never be the last who this happens to. I am glad to have my life as after 3 suicide attempts when I was in that situation I am still here to be typing this now. I was not thankful at the time but I am now after counselling to get me away from my past.

Go off and post somewhere else as your comments on matters you clearly have no idea on are well out of place. Harking on indeed!! I have to wonder if you are typing this while living in you own little Utopia where nothing bad happens and everyone is perfect and has a place to live. You might also want to note that had I been a single mother/unemployed/on drugs/an alcoholic/in prison/a refugee then I would not even been needing to post for advice as we would have already been given somewhere. We are in this situation because we are UK Taxpayers, have been married for 10 years almost, my husband works at the moment and neither of us have been unemployed for more than a month in the toal of our combined 40 working lives. I did work but now I am unable to but do not claim anything for this, however we do not earn enough money or have the criteria to rent a place of choice in the private sector. So we have to face a life of uncertainty of not knowing where we g, when we have to leave. As I say, life must be great where you are mailing from, maybe you have space for my family in your little world?

dopester

sasp wrote: »

I thank you for your final encouragement in wishing her well Dopestar, but speaking as a friend of BM please try to allow this lady to receive the support she needs at the moment as her nerves are truly frayed, and I honestly don't think she can take much more.

Many thanks
sasp

Ok - done.

I admit to being fully bewildered by all the difficult issues involved in this situation - offered my opinion in perhaps too much of a blunt way - but will post no more on this thread. I hope you find safe shelter within your budget BM, which meets your requirements.

sasp

And breathe chick, grab the choccie and I'll be there in a flash with a big hug!:grouphug:

Take no notice of those with their daft comments, you know you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. There are plenty here (me included) who do care and aren't here to gloat!

You are doing everything you can.

You are putting your family and children first.

You are an amazing lady, far braver and resiliant than many of us simply watching your situation happen.





My boxing gloves are at the ready.................:mad:

SingleSue

Blue Monkey.... have you claimed disability living allowance and carers allowance for your son?

If not, I can point you in the right direction.

One very small point (and I hate to mention it) but being a single parent is no guarantee that you will be housed suitably... I am still waiting for a larger house due to my 2 boys ASD needs and their elder brothers respite needs, in the meantime, I have to put up with the sleepness nights, the aggression etc...think by the time they finally have something they will all have grown up! Hehe.

I think you have coped really well in the circumstances (blimey I said I would never say things like that after the district mental nurse visited me when I had postnatel depression and said the very same words, almost clonked her one), an inpending eviction and dealing with a childs different needs are bad enough on their own, let alone all at the same time.

droopinlily

Afraid I can't help with anything useful but just wanted to say I hope you are feeling more 'with it'. God knows I know all about being evicted, and how it becomes the centrepiece of life.
Just hope it all pans out one way or another for you.
Big hugs

blue_monkey_2

Hi Singlesue (you first, sorry) no offence I hope none was taken. I was generalising really - just that around here you tend to get more priority as you are seen as vunerable but you are not housed in villages (and we have a lot of those) just in towns. Sorry - not generalising people in general so please do not think I meant it that way, just from what we have seen. I think once you are 'in' you have more trouble getting out as they see you as being housed. I have asked if we could have a one bedroom bungalow in the village rather than a hostel room so we could wait and have privacy but was tld that it did not work like that, as we need a 3 bedroom house we cannnot apply for anything but a 3 bedroom. Sometimes I wonder, I'd be happy to turn a reception into a bedroom but it seems that if we applied then we'd get romoved as not acceptable for us.

We have decided that we was going to go away for the weekend but DD has decided she did not want to miss swimming on Sunday morning - nice that she loves it that much - so we are going to leave tonight at around 7pm, back tomorrow night nd off to Drayton Manor for tomorrow and drive home when it closes. It'll be nice not to rush there and back on both days, just found the Travel Inn for £39 for all of us INCLUDING cooked breakfast. Yummy. So it'll be a cheap weekend as we have Kelloggs vouchers for the BOGOF to get in too. If we cannot use those then we can get in with me being Ryans carer so that should save some ££ too.

About the DLA, yes we have applied back in early March, forms are all in they are just writing to Ryans Consultant and then we will hear back from them whether we get it. If we don't then I never had it before to worry about but it would be ncie to get it backdated so we can make any back garden we get super safe for him and escape proof.

I forgot to tell you all, The Special Needs Health Visitor came on Wednesday and a man called to read the Electric meter. I asked if he could call back as I was busy and he moaned and groaned about it and practically refused to go (arrogant so & so i thought) so I let hm in and read it for him but it is behind the sofa and DD big dolls house is in front of the electric cupboard door. by the time I had closed the door and put the house back Ryan had started to take him towards the door to let him out, all of a fuddle because of everything being in my way I could not move fast enough, Ryan opened the door to let him out but instead just legged it and ran off up the path, out the gate and up the road dressed onlly in his pants. There was me running behind him to catch him, god knows what the electric man thought, I didn't even have time to look back let alone say bye as I was too busy running after him. :rotfl:

SingleSue

Hehe

Just a small note, if they turn you down for DLA ask for a review as they turn down approx 80% as a matter of course. If it does get that far, get as many letters,reports etc together and send them copies.

vivatifosi

Hi SingleSue and Blue,

Sorry to jump in here and thread hijack, but SingleSue has brought up a really good point. My aunt gets DLA and I had to go to tribunal with her for her to get it. The Social Service's (or whatever department they call themselves these days) decision was overturned and she was awarded higher level mobility. So I can see how 80% get overturned.

But she's really worried at the moment as she's just had to reapply. Given that she's already won a tribunal, are they likely to rubber stamp and just push it through or could they try and stop it? If anything, her condition has deteriorated since we went to tribunal as she has a degenerative disease.

Thanks, and again, sorry to threadjack!

ampersand

vivatifosi wrote: »

Hi SingleSue and Blue,

Sorry to jump in here and thread hijack, but SingleSue has brought up a really good point. My aunt gets DLA and I had to go to tribunal with her for her to get it. The Social Service's (or whatever department they call themselves these days) decision was overturned and she was awarded higher level mobility. So I can see how 80% get overturned.

But she's really worried at the moment as she's just had to reapply. Given that she's already won a tribunal, are they likely to rubber stamp and just push it through or could they try and stop it? If anything, her condition has deteriorated since we went to tribunal as she has a degenerative disease.

Thanks, and again, sorry to threadjack!

##############
Sorry v, they WON'T rubber stamp it!
I have been through the same Hell myself for 6 months from early last Aug, till end Jan this year(when we met!).
For a 2nd time in 3 years(after 6 mths of living on a little over £40 weekly, to discourage 'spurious' Appeals)the Tribunal overturned the 'Decision' and all witheld moneys returned, but it is Hell while it lasts - difficult enough at the best of times.

vivatifosi

Hi ampersand,

Thanks so much for that info. I won't tell my aunt because it will scare the living daylights out of her. But I will see if the rest of the family can put a small back up fund together that she can draw from if it all goes haywire.

You gotta love social services, they called her in for a return to work interview this week, even though she's a year away from retirement and as I said, has a degenerative disease... When she got there they didn't even know she was on DLA!