Pay to attend party?

Morty_007

NAR I find it really interesting that you joined this thread to have a go at my opinion yet offer none of your own to the OP. I was only responding to the OP as invited to to so by the OP's post.
Anyhow:
No, the child does not determine how much is spent. When I was young I was allowed to choose a treat for my birthday. If it was too expensive, I was told and asked to choose something else. If this childs parents has decided that a trip to an adventure park is a reasonable treat, why should the child be denied just because a few parents object to paying their own childs way? Is it part of the "I invited your child and spent X amount on them now you OWE me" mentality?

And as for why its being held at a soft play area...home is too small. You say the kids won't remember it but we will. I guess it may be alien to some to want to spend time having fun with their babies. They love going in and out of the ball pits, down the slides with us and through the soft play areas. So what if they don't remember it. I'll be able to tell them just how much fun we had when they ask. I have realised I am probably describing a relationship that many don't and won't have with their children, so it might be hard to understand.

And as it happens she has managed to ge the cost reduced to just £1-50 per child, parents free, as they are all babes in arms, but we will still be offering to pay our way. What a fantastic afternoon we will all have and for the princely sum of £1-50 and we won't be left worrying that my friend has had to spend out for everyone and she will be able to afford to join us for coffee later in the week too. We are all in the same financial situation!

I notice that you didn't comment on "expecting" a gift when your child hosts a party. I suspect because the answer is a resounding "YES". What sort of an example is THAT to set?

Can I ask you all something? When your child has a party, do they just send thankyou cards to the children who brought gifts or to each child for coming....or at all?

Morty_007

Oh and as for getting out of going...how about being honest? Send a birthday card (or doesn't a birthday card get sent if there is no party/invite?) saying thanks very much for thinking of inviting "my little Johnny" to "your little Billys" birthday party, I hope he has a wonderful time but Little Johnny will be unable to attend. We look forward to seeing little Billy at little Johnnys birthday party in the spring. (or won't little Billy be getting an invite?)
Now wouldn't that be a far nicer way to deal with it?

Hapless_2

why should the child be denied just because a few parents object to paying their own childs way

Paying to attand a party is wrong, what if the parent can't afford it? You can guarantee that they childs parent will expect a pressie for their dear little precious too!
Think about it...
"You didn't come to my party/event cos your parents are too POOR"
"jimmy is pooor, jimmy is poooor, jimmy is pooor"

What an invitation for bullying!

How about..."I want you to attend my Silver Wedding party, by the way the fee is £30 per head, payment on acceptance of invitation", You may choose not to come, but by doing so you will be deemed either too poor, too mean or to idle to be friends/relatives. You will become the social pariah of the family/club/office.

Carmina_Piranha_3

Morty_007 wrote: »

And as for why its being held at a soft play area...home is too small. You say the kids won't remember it but we will. I guess it may be alien to some to want to spend time having fun with their babies. They love going in and out of the ball pits, down the slides with us and through the soft play areas. So what if they don't remember it. I'll be able to tell them just how much fun we had when they ask. I have realised I am probably describing a relationship that many don't and won't have with their children, so it must be hard to understand.

morty you're going to upset people with that post ...

i've had a framed photo on the wall of my eldest in a ball pit for more than ten years now. it's a gorgeous photo, i love his little face all lit up with the joy of being in a ball pit you can take photos at parties. my 2 year old's favourite DVD is a selection of photographs from his 2nd party and the screensaver on the computer displays random photos from our 'days out' photo album. they might not remember the actual day but will love seeing the photos when they are a bit older.

Carmina_Piranha_3

hapless i see your point. i know people who've not been able to afford trips who have said it's a relatives special day, or that they are expected elsewhere. our primary school always paid for children who couldn't afford trips, so that nobody was excluded for not having the money.

i am poor but i only had one child, i have a 9 year gap between my 2. so while i could scrape the money for the theatre together there were parents with more than one child who simply could not afford it. one mum had 4 kids at the school at the same time and there was no way she could find the money.

it's not so bad now but when spud was little i was much worse off and did worry about him being bullied for being poor. when he was a toddler i would save, and could afford the soft play once every 2 or 3 weeks, including bus fare. there was no money to plash around on mcdonalds meals etc. if i was with friends, they would just get a happy meal while we were out and i had to say no because i literally could not afford it.

if there was a trip i couldn't afford then i would try to find an excuse for not going, so my child didn't get bullied for being poor.

jonathon

my kids are a little older know but the last time i took his 2 best friends to the pictures and then to kfc and i paid for it all i would not pay for them to attend a party.

Morty_007

Hapless wrote: »

Paying to attand a party is wrong, what if the parent can't afford it? You can guarantee that they childs parent will expect a pressie for their dear little precious too!
Think about it...
"You didn't come to my party/event cos your parents are too POOR"
"jimmy is pooor, jimmy is poooor, jimmy is pooor"

What an invitation for bullying!

Hapless whilst I see your point, I have covered this one...and it didn't involve anyone saying to anyone else that they weren't going because they couldn't afford it, just that they wouldn't be able to attend. What if they genuinely could't attend because of a reason other than money? By your logic the child would still get bullied...damned if you do and damned if you don't again.

Still nobody has answered this question of "would you EXPECT a gift?"

Hapless wrote: »

How about..."I want you to attend my Silver Wedding party, by the way the fee is £30 per head, payment on acceptance of invitation", You may choose not to come, but by doing so you will be deemed either too poor, too mean or to idle to be friends/relatives. You will become the social pariah of the family/club/office.

Hmm, ok before we go tarring and feathering everyone with the same brush would you?....

Would you deem someone too poor, mean, or idle? Because if you wouldn't then why assume that the rest of society will?

How would it feel if you were criticised for inviting people (loved ones) to do something you really wanted to do but couldn't do with those loved ones unless they paid for themselves because you couldn't afford to pay for everyone?

Again, if you can't afford it TALK to the person! I find it a strange situation where a family would oust a person for not attending a do for a good reason! It saddens me that people want to stay friends with people who would turn you into a social pariah if you don't attend an event!

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

morty you're going to upset people with that post ...

I see your point but I haven't said anything to offend anyone! There is a phrase that goes along the lines of "if the cap fits, wear it" I'm not suggesting anyone here should be wearing the cap, just that the cap exists..... Have reread it and the end part should read "it might be hard to understand" will edit

bandraoi

It's all in the phrasing to be honest.

If you're hosting a party then you pay, end of.

If you're organising a night out/trip away/visit to a theme park then you can ask people to pay, however you're not hosting a party and inviting people along should be carefully worded to avoid implying that you are hosting an event.

For the first one a gift of appreciation is expected, for the latter no gifts are needed.

We were thinking of going to X on Adams birthday and wondered if you'd like to bring Bob and Carl along too = you may have to pay for your own children Bob and Carl.
not
We're having a party at X for Adams birthday and Bob and Carl are invited = we're paying for the party, but only Bob and Carl are invited, that means not you and not their siblings.

sooz

Morty_007 wrote: »

Still nobody has answered this question of "would you EXPECT a gift?"

I would much rather that people didn't bring gifts for school friend's parties.
We are hosting a party for my eldest this year, his first (and last) big school party and he's having 30 guests. (and no, they don't have to pay to join us:D )

I want to write on the bottom of the invites, 'no gifts please', as I am really looking forward to the party, but dreading another 30 plastic toys invading our lives. He has more than enough already.

My OH says this will sound really bad to those invited (like we don't want their presents, or they aren't good enough etc), and also our son will miss out. I feel he's already having a huge party, presents from us and family, and he really doesn't need another 30 gifts.

macaroni

I would just say to the parents that you cant afford £15 at the moment for your son to go the party.

My MIL invited us ( 2 adults 2 children) to celebrate her hubbys 50th at a restaurant - nothing was said about paying on the invite so we assumed it was being paid for by the them, why wouldnt we assume that??

Unfortunately we discovered we WERE expected to pay for ourselves so had to decline the invitation as it would have cost us circa £100. MIL seemed a bit peeved !! Not as peeved as were were !!