NST October 2026: Change

beanielou

@apple_muncher. Mmm. Not sure enjoying is how I would describe it. Hard work. Demoralising. Never ending. It’s hard to see.

grandmanerd

I disappeared but not for good reasons. I'm stuck and overwhelmed. I had the final therapy session on Wednesday but will be going on to one to one therapy - just have to wait for an appointment. I'm struggling with so many everyday tasks (and no Mrs Builder until the first week in November).

I have adapted to many changes in the past - I took a taxi from the SM once a month to bring home the bulky and heavy items because I could no longer transport them in a rucksack on my back. I started to use the small trolley because reaching into the deep trolley was too painful for my back. I did a quick whizz round when anyone was giving me a lift home (stocked up on cat food when mum's partner brought us, nipped into the nearest town when returning from a weekend away with a friend - Sunday so the shops would all have closed when we got home). Next I balanced the cost of a taxi home against a home delivery. Adapted to life in lock down with limits on the number of items (my stash of tins and my herbs and spices went to mum's with me). Now any disruption of internet access sends me into panic. I have food in, I could eat but my mind goes into free fall.

This applies to many tasks and situations. I managed to clear and strip my bed earlier in the week but the resulting mountain of washing has occupied nearly every waking hour. One full load in the machine and one full load in the middle of the yard in a tub. Days of rain and few clean clothes (Not dry ones anyway). I gave in and used the dryer function. One load washed and dried, one quilt done by DS3, another load but this took two sessions of drying (still in the machine). My sleeping pattern is disrupted and poor (much better than pre-CPAP). I'm fighting the urge to hide under the bedclothes or hibernate.

Things have to change. My life is like a ball of wool that the kittens got at. My new strategy:

I chose to live not merely survive. I choose to strive for happiness and peace.

I am intelligent and resourceful. I need to disentangle the problems, consider each in turn, brainstorm possible solutions, short cuts, compromises and put aside the things that are not within my control.

I will start small, make it easier to do the right thing than the wrong thing, build good habits, get things under control one tiny patch at a time.

I need to remember that I am no longer broke. I can pay to have things fixed. I will ask for help and accept it gracefully.

Thank you all for being there. I am grateful for my bed, my family, for books and other entertainment.

beanielou

@grandmamerd. So sorry to hear that you are struggling. Is there someone else you could pay to give you a hand if Mrs Builder is not around? I have a PA who helps me and it makes such a difference having someone else to help and be my legs.

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Rowan9

I was also wondering if you could pay someone to help you. Who could help with this? GP practice? Citizens advice? Someone from your therapy group? Someone to advise who to get. Someone to sit with you to begin with and help you make lists and plans of what you need to help? Sending you every good wish.
also to you and your son beanie. Teaching is so hard now.
made a pot of lentil soup and added a sweet potato. Easy stuff from freezer for tea. A chicken to buy tomorrow for more braised chicken as last weeks lasted for days and was delicious

Collected my ordered library books Home by India Knight and also her Thrift which I used to have (a book I mean!) and a novel.

WM on and nearly finished. Will go on driers and dehumidifier.

apple_muncher

Remember that the clocks go back tonight, so enjoy your extra hour in bed

grandmanerd, it took you ages to accept help from Mrs Builder, if I recall correctly. Can she suggest/recommend someone else who can also help?