WWYD? Request to loan in-laws money

beanielou

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81930901#Comment_81930901

Just this.

IWasHereBefote

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82015962#Comment_82015962

I don’t disagree. And it would be great advice if I was the one making the decision!

Pollycat

For the financial future of your family, you need to put your foot down and leave this family to it.

I would be very wary of what your husband is doing behind your back.

And it should be both of you making the decision.

It sounds like you might be empowering your husband to turn into his father.

IWasHereBefote

I don’t think it’s fair to pin this on me. I don’t have much of a relationship with the in laws: that relationship is for DH to manage.

Nor do we completely entwined finances. Which is also fine.

I said upthread that I have made it very clear to DH what my views are and the potential implications if he goes ahead/takes on significant financial responsibilities here.

Pollycat

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82016991#Comment_82016991

I'm not pinning anything on you (if I'm who you are referring to).

I'm just responding with my opinion of how my relationship would work.

I wouldn't accept a relationship where my partner would think it acceptable to loan his (seemingly profligate) parents money without my agreement.

But it seems to me that there is not an equitable relationship between you and your partner.

Totally outside my understanding.

I wish you good luck.

I think you might need it.

sheramber

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82016991#Comment_82016991

you did say

Thoughts and advice welcomed!

People’s thoughts is what you have been given.

IWasHereBefote

It’s gone from bad to worse. Caught him on the phone this morning talking about moving money around. Asked what was happening and he said his parents had liquidated around £100k from shares and ISAs and he was talking about “his contribution”.

I said I couldn’t work the numbers out because if they only have £100k against a £290k house, how is £40-50k from him closing the gap. At which point he said it would be £100k if they don’t manage to sell the inherited house.

Readers, I hit the roof. Turns out he had forgotten about something we are committed to (house maintenance) over the summer which needs £30-40k keeping back and now he’s talking about giving that to his parents to sort out the mess of their own making.

He is seemingly relaxed about increasing our mortgage (currently about £11k left). I spelled out that his work is not secure and he actually doesn’t know if he has critical illness cover as well as life insurance. We don’t know what happens to his father’s private pension if he dies. We have had no detail on the finances or discussion with the solicitor - he had no idea why we might want to so I spelled out that if he is going to effectively buy 1/3 of a property we are both damn well having our names on the deeds and legal documentation about what happens in every conceivable scenario. I’ve spelled out the pressure this potentially puts on me as I get into my 50s if I end up having to service debt for his parents and that actually, I’m not doing that.

I have gone out for a few hours and told him I want every single detail, down to the penny before another discussion is had about spending money that affect me or DD, even indirectly. He is behaving like a bloody Rockefeller.

lincroft1710

If DH tried to increase the mortgage, wouldn't that also require your signature?

IWasHereBefote

No. We can both draw down online to the original lending amount without needing the other’s permission. It’s not a remortgage.

QrizB

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82025561#Comment_82025561

I guess that, if it looks like he's going to do something silly, you could draw it down (and save it somewhere) first before he does?

But if it comes to that you're probably going to need some of it to pay a divorce lawyer.