WWYD? Request to loan in-laws money

lincroft1710

I'm sure you can persuade your OH that lending their parents any money is a terrible idea.

maman

As you're perfectly happy to be seen as the 'bad cop' then I'd definitely say no to the loan and use your job, your child's impending university fees or whatever as a reason if needed. 🤞 you can get your DH on board.

Xenon

This has potential disaster written all over it - the kind that could end a marriage !

I would say not a chance

MattMattMattUK

If you never want to see that money again, and you want to destroy the relationship with them, then go ahead, otherwise just say no. If they have respect for you they will accept the no, if they do not they will start asking "why", which further indicates that lack of respect as they feel entitled and expect you to justify your position.

silvercar

You need to say no. Once you say yes once they will continually expect hand outs. That together with the difficulty of getting repayments means it’s going to be a horrendous time asking for payments towards this loan. Any time they can’t or won’t pay, pressure will mount on your OH. He’ll be caught between his parents and his own finances and will cause undue stress.

This is a problem of their own making. They could sell their main home if they want to avoid CGT and leave the sibling in the inherited home.

Ideally you want to say a firm no, without excuses. Once you start making excuses, they will either fight back on the invalidity of the excuses (in their eyes) or come back on future occasions. Ideally, your OH just says you’ve both discussed it and it’s not something you are able to do.

BungalowBel

I would say no, giving what you said about your job and the fact that although you do have the money now, it is earmarked for various future events (university, retirement/redundancy) .

It seems very fraught to me.

Pollycat

I'd say 'no' - unless you can afford to write the money off.

What does your husband think?

Is he tending towards lending the money?

IWasHereBefote

I mentioned the whole “problem for my job” thing and he said he might be able to give it to them from his own funds as wouldn’t show up on my credit search that way.

He said it would be secured with a charge against the house.

He doesn’t know who is advising them but I pointed out they would get more money selling the family home and wouldn’t be liable for CGT, so they would have more cash and less cost. He was going to point that out to them.

Mands

First up: this has disaster written all over it. In terms of your finances, their finances and family dynamics.

Second: you took time to articulate it but you don't want to do this. What we are talking about is finding a way for you to say no.

Third:

The sibling that lives in the inherited house (rent free) currently will move to the “family home” (rent free) instead, hence not selling that. The original plan was to sell the family home and leave the sibling where they were, but at some point that changed. 

If I understand the players correctly none of the three siblings have a good financial grounding (one bankrupt, one living rent free, none with savings). The one living in the inherited house pays no rent and gets to trade UP to the family home, but only if you bankroll this?

Ummm, no.

The solution is for them to revert to selling the other house which gives them to the cash to buy the new place. They still own two properties, rent-free-sibling still has a family roof over their head, your money is still in your bank account.

And finally, please send gin. Just thinking about this brought me out in a cold sweat.

Spikeygran

It would be no from me too. I think you need to stand your ground on this one.

So much to go wrong.

Which house is the charge going to be on? If its on their house, but the other sibling is then living in it, the house may not be able to be sold to recover the debt for many many years. You'd have court and solicitor fees piling up trying to get it back.

And whatever goes wrong, the parents will be putting your other half in an emotional bind, so he wont want to take any action.