Birth certificate dated over a year after i was born?

Emuchops

thanks Loretta-you have summed up my feelings.

miserly_mum

Emuchops wrote: »

M-M-anything is indeed a possibility with my mother, and I have pondered the circumstances of my conception many times, and considered all scenarios. With reference to your comment " i honestly don't see what good a name on a piece of paper will be to you"...thank you for your input.

Hi again, i've just re read my last post and it did sound very negative which it really wasn't meant to, sorry.

As an adopted person I really do understand the wanting to know where you come from scenario. Been there done that.........got the major disappointment.

What I was trying to say (obviously badly :rolleyes: )is..... when you get the b/certificate you are waiting for and it does have your Dads name on it, will seeing it on paper really make a big difference to your life or you as a person.

Is his name the important thing or is it the fact your Mum is disrespecting you by refusing to tell you who he is? Sometimes its easy to focus on one thing to avoid dealing with the real issue, if you know what I mean?

Also have you thought that once you do get his name etc (and I really hope you do) it might not be enough and you will want to find him? Its easy to say you wouldn't want to right now, but its amazing how things change once you get a few clues.

haylibo

Emuchops

I know that being approached by another agency on my behalf would not make any difference to my mother, and would probably make her even more determined not to pass on any true info. as she would realise that she had something I wanted.

Mmm, thinking the same thing with my mum (hate to even refer to her as
mum') but there is a 50/50 chance she would fall for the flattery of the attention and cooperate. It's precisely because I hated the fact that she had something I wanted that stopped my finding out more when I was at home. Hated to feel she had control over the situation.

If you have a good idea of his name and rough location could you not find out more info with that?

I'm not sure whether I've made up his name in my head, it's been so long. I put it out of my mind for so long I wonder whether I have it exactly right. I've joined the geneaologist site and have found a few guys with the same name born around the right time but it would be better to have census records from the exact time. What do I do with several alternatives? You can't start calling them can you lol? 'Excuse me, were you in the ********* area in 1968? Yes! Great! Did you sleep with my mum?' Urmm, may not be the best way. I do have subscription to the site though so if I can help you at all do let me know.

I just want a name too. For me it would help to dillute the feeling I have that I belong only to my mother and to feel 'complete'. I don't actually care who the devil he is only that I have some control over knowing it if that makes sense.

BW and hope you are getting somewhere.

Hayles

newmum1

If I were you I would nt be too hasty I say this cause I lost my DD'S birth cert and had to get a new one and it is dated on the day I asked for it, but all the original details stay the same, thats what im led to believe.

Swirlywurly

I am thinking about trying to find out who my father is. My circumstances are slightly different, my mum found out she was pregnant after splitting with my father and chose not to tell him. That means somewhere out there a man is walking around not knowing he has a 23 yr old daughter. He may not want to know, and may want nothing to do with me, but i think he should be given the opportunity to know. I have no need for a relationship with him, and i am not searching for a family but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't curious. What have i inherited from this man? I'd also like to be able to tell my children things about my "family". My mum is very cagey and says she only knows his name, a rough date of birth and a rough age, despite them apparently being together for a number of months. Even if this is true, it would be easier to reconcile if she gave me a reason for not wanting him to know. At the moment it seems like it was an action out of spite, and i'd like to think better of my mum and think that there was a significant reason that she didn't tell me.

If she were honest with me, i may not need to find him as much, but its the secrecy that get to me. She doesn't know her dad either, and thinks that because she doesn't and isn't bothered about it, i shouldn't be either.

Emuchops

I know-I cannot understand the secrecy either-i think its very selfish-ok it may have been a chapter that my mother and other women in a similar situation would rather forget but that isnt going to happen if a child has been born as a result,
I dont have children but if i did that would cause more issues as they would have questions that I wouldnt be able to answer.
She often used to tell me off and say that i was "just like my father"!!Very cruel to make comments like that yet refuse to elaborate.

CelticStar

Emuchops wrote: »

I know-I cannot understand the secrecy either-i think its very selfish-ok it may have been a chapter that my mother and other women in a similar situation would rather forget but that isnt going to happen if a child has been born as a result,
I dont have children but if i did that would cause more issues as they would have questions that I wouldnt be able to answer.
She often used to tell me off and say that i was "just like my father"!!Very cruel to make comments like that yet refuse to elaborate.

The way your mother is behaving is clearly quite abusive. To deny you knowledge of your father - regardless of the circumstances of your conception she is your mother and should put you first - and then to taunt you by saying you are 'like your father' is downright unpleasant. I would be tempted to let her stew in her own juice for a while, I certainly wouldn't be running around after her or running errands or anything like that. She is using knowledge to hold power over you, perhaps her saying that you are like your father is a bit of a compliment in the circumstances!

ruby6kids

my little bit of input

i think everyone should know who their birth parents are - it should be told to everyone by law.

how many people saw the news about the twins - separated/adopted at birth - who then married each other without realising?

my own aunty was adopted and unknowingly began dating her older half-brother - fortunately she found out who is was to her almost straight away!

good luck with all your searching.

haylibo

My circumstances are slightly different, my mum found out she was pregnant after splitting with my father and chose not to tell him.
Ditto, my mum knew she was pregnant but didn't tell my dad so he has no knowledge. It's all very selfish and self centred. There should be a law which states children should have a right to know, and I don't mean limited to those who are adopted. A bet the human rights act could cover it.
Hayles

haylibo

she only knows his name, a rough date of birth and a rough age, despite them apparently being together for a number of months

I have access to a geneaology site with access to various records. If you would like me to look up anything feel free to PM me.

Best wishes,

Hayles