Money Moral Dilemma: Do I keep paying extra for trains and hotels to see my friend who won't commit?

JainEm

i agree with Missy15. I had a friend who when I suggested a meet up or excursion would regularly say "I'll let you know." Unfortunately 90% of the time she didn't let me know. If she couldn't or didn't want to do what I'd suggested she could have simply said no. Over time I got fed up with this lack of respect and she's no longer a friend.

primrose_penguin

Why don't you reverse the situation and say to your friend, you let me know the date, time and place in advance the next time you want to meet up, and if she gets back in touch, you will then have time to find out hotels and train prices etc. and if it suits you then okay, but if it doesn't then say so, perhaps she will then get the message. If she does not get back in touch to suggest meeting up then you have your answer, and can walk away, unless you just keep your friendship by email, phone etc. It does not look as if it is that serious or she would make more of an effort. Don't let yourself be used, good luck.

chimerauk

I think it is time to give up. This seems very one sided.

TVTart

So controversial here but maybe your friend has challenges. Maybe can do with your support.

Be proactive and suggest the drop date to book (to get discounts etc) otherwise we'll book a teams call.

May be a true friend rather than a what's in it for me.

tayknthyme

Sounds to me like your "friend" doesn't particularly want to be a friend. Ask them plainly if your friendship is important to them.

RSD7a

Some people with poor health (mental or physical) find it daunting to commit a long way ahead, not knowing if they'll be well enough to honour the arrangement.

No idea if this applies in this situation. But if it does then it will affect what approach to take.

Eccentrica_Gallumbits

I think I'd be inclined to explain the implications of her dithering to her another time (and perhaps more firmly than you did the first time(s)), and if she still can't seem to get herself organised in enough time for you both to benefit from money-saving travel and hotel deals, perhaps you might suggest to her that she could travel to your area for one visit, and you'll travel to her for the next, so she can book and pay when she feels like and you can book and pay in good time to get the deals when it's your turn to travel up to her?

If you do this, make sure you suggest to her that she comes to your area first, because you don't want to make the trip up to her and find she can't get her act together to visit you at all! Mind you, that would tell you it's time to get a new friend, if she's not willing or able to reciprocate…

Good luck!

duncanw_2

People, we never know what is happening in another persons life, and what pressures they are under. I know someone who lived in an abusive relationship for years and would never make plans early and only when they knew they could make something so they wouldn't pull out.

People need good friends. Accept that this might be one friend that you are there for more than the other way around.

Lowry1986

Test the friendship. When your friend finally commits to a date, you simply need to tell her that's it too late amd too expensive for you to book your travel at such short notice. Suggest a date within a more reasonable time span. Then repeat the process as necessary! By doing that you put the ball firmly in the court of your friend. She will play ball if she genuinely wants your friendship to continue, but maybe it's time to write this friendship off especially if it's starting to create resentment

ShazzaDazza

If they are a good friend, an honest conversation should be ok so you both understand eacothers viewpoints and come up with a joint solution.

if there is no resolution or compromise that you both land on, I think that says something too x

Friends are sometimes for 5min 5 years or 50 years, but those that you / they stick with will love you and will be able to welcome your conversation as its draining you and they wouldn't want that

Going around the issue may only lead to more resentment if it doesn't work so for your own peace of mind ..it will tell you where you stand in their eyes and you can make an informed decision from there