Investing in Us: Holidays, Health, and the Road to £150k

debtfreewannabe321

KajiKita said:

Sounds like your sister has a LOT on her plate, but she did photograph and message you, which is quite a playful thing to do. And you were asked to sit with them. I know it’s not the same as the relationship you once had, but it doesn’t sound absolutely dead to me. How did it feel for you to be with her? Or was your energy too full of the state of her DP? Did you mention your wedding to her?

I agree about stress having a huge impact on the body. I realise that I am STILL surfacing / recovering from the crazy-job which I left 18 months ago. I think some of the unpacking, unraveling and recovering I am doing is also going back into my childhood (based on some of my dreams and memories that are surfacing). You may well be doing deeper work than you realise too. 

Well done on all the house chores 😊 Enjoy your chill time 😊

KK

@kajikita our conversation was fine it flowed as it always does which wounded me more (I know I'm sensitive but I won't be sorry for that any more) because I felt, why haven't you leant on me the last year or so I am literally round the corner from you!! But it was okay, and nice to catch up with her in laws the last time I saw them bro in law was just out of ICU and I'd supported them all through that with hugs, words of I hope wisdom, an ear for them and lifts and support. They were in bits understandably and it was nice to see them not crying for once. I could feel they were all devastated though by the new prognosis. I sometimes hate being a 'feeler' it's quite exhausting.

As for trauma, I've a lifetime of it 🤣 most of it was Safely unpacked when I did a lot of inner work, a lot was released and worked through and I felt good. Then more memories resurface, and here we go again it starts over. The last few years have been crazy and I think I've had an adrenal crash ...I was pretty close to a breakdown right before I moved here. Time to try and right this and I know I can do it on my own but sometimes all I want is a friend or sister to chat to and at this lesson in my life it seems it's not meant to be. 

Haven't read my book yet today but that is my next job- well hardly a job but next on the list. I meditated for half an hour 😊 a body scan and silence meditation, the stress is all centred around my chest, I can feel it when I pay attention. Will work on releasing this. 

I cooked a huge pot of lentil/ mushroom bolognaise, had a bit for dinner, with pasta, I have a bit put aside cooling to go with a sweet potato for lunch tomorrow. The rest will be mixed with red kidney beans 🫘 for chilli during the week. A nice easy dinner possibly for Tuesday as I am out till quite late that day. 

KajiKita

Is it possible that there are reasons for your sister not leaning on you that are not rejection of you? I can think of two:
- it’s exhausting having to explain stuff sometimes when you are really, really struggling. I know I get into that state. Maybe she’s been so busy being focused on DP and his side of the family she just hasn’t had the headspace to make space for / reach out for you?
- she knows that you’ve had your own ‘stuff’ going on for the last year or so and just didn’t want to burden you further. 

KK

debtfreewannabe321

She's not usually bothered about me having my own stuff going on but I think it's probably upsetting her keeping having to go over the same stuff each time. @KajiKita

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all, up bright and early. Only it's not so bright...I'm trying to enjoy a tea with cacao and mushroom but I'll be honest I much prefer just a builders brew on its own 🤣. Herbalist said it would be good for me though so I'll keep trying. 
I've two visits booked today so I probably should go straight to my first one but I'm going to go into the office first thing and show my face so it was noted I started at 8 instead of 9 😁 that way I can go earlier. After all, I'm up, dressed and just waiting to start work now. 
I did my lunch last night whilst making dinner, I'll try to keep that up as then it's done for morning and only one lot of mess to clean up after dinner. Kinda fasting till 11 today but not really with tea and cacao 🤨🤣. 
Right I hope to report back a NSD and also a good easy day meaning I'm not tired before I've started the week 😊!

Watty1

My sister cut me off for years.  We are not close now.  She reached out - our of the blue - but when I heard the story I think she reached out because her husband saw me with my girlfriends in a local coffee shop and she had to as they had just moved to a village a little way away.  She said she felt she couldn't call as time went on (family related trauma happened and she then set about ignoring me so eventually I have up).  

Sometimes I think there are reasons we just don't understand why people behave they way they do.  And it is hard. 

Just maybe your sister has a reason, the message and pic was quite playful.   If you feel you can just ping the odd message from time to time.   And maybe that was a reminder for me too because I never reach out to mine, all those years of her not being there take a toll.   Sorry, this turned out to be more about me than you - hope your week goes well, sending love 

debtfreewannabe321

It's true Watty, as I've gotten older I think that people have all sorts going on and I shouldn't take it personally. It's just I was always the one with a job, she was always the one at home all day (her partner did all school runs, shopping and housework) so I felt she did have time on her hands whereas I was always busy but I always make time for those I care about. 

I'm at my first visit of the day, tad earlier as traffic had cleared as I left the office, however kicking myself for not being a bit more organised as DD has a parents evening tonight and I should have started later after all, as I need to walk down up the road after work for that. So may as well have stayed at work till a bit later as she booked all appointments for around 5:20 onwards. I'll leave as planned though and see if I can get some parking at her school instead - seeing as though I started early 🙈! If not at least I'm done with work on time and can have some breathing space first. 

daisy_1571

Could you not just carry on and get some flexi? Or time in the bank for an early finish another day?

They always say if you want something done, ask a busy person and I think that's true 

Dxx

debtfreewannabe321

They always say if you want something done, ask a busy person and I think that's true

Isn't that the truth @daisy_1571 !!

Well I barely got a lunch today because once again the lady training me wants to work through lunch. This has happened every day so far 🤨 I need downtime!
So I went off for my afternoon appointment and after the conversation and Q&A's from me 🤣 (I think she was frazzled after that oops) I left earlier than planned. And went home. I live less than a mile from work so not too much of a pee take. Well I don't think so considering I've worked all hours required of me and every lunch so far 😳. I'm here to collect DD as she is home after only one lesson today, to have a cuppa and offload lunch box (barely touched) and then I'll go back before end of work day for an hour. DD will wander around town until I'm done then we can go to her school (on next road to work). 

I'm exhausted already 🙈.

Oh and ex rang. He was super excitable. CMS got in touch with him and have cancelled the claim 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ why I don't know?! But honestly I'm fed up of arguing with them and trying to navigate their website (do they make it difficult on purpose?) anyway we've agreed between us he will pay me till Dec (DD turns 18 in July) and I won't pay him anything...I will check his maths though, he has dyscalcula and I don't trust him. I'll sort that later as I honestly have no head space for it atm. DS is being moody apparently and told them all to f off. 🙂 Good. Bout time he sees what his kids are actually like to live with full time rather than just for the week here and there where they stay on best behaviour. 

Right best drink tea and get back. 

beanielou

Be interesting to see if he actually pays you! 

debtfreewannabe321

beanielou said:

Be interesting to see if he actually pays you! 

He's been paying me for the last couple of months. It's all control. The payment amount is supposed to be £400+ my payment to him was £40 but it was calculated on old wages and only for four months of it so was completely wrong. Also I have new job with over double pay now to my old one so I assume my payment to him would have gone up a fair whack 😬. So he said to me on the phone, £250 I'll give you that 🙄🙄 I said £300 would be fairer surely? (It has always been about control to ex and I've no energy to give to this) And he said, I can't afford it. 😳 How can he not afford it when his wages are around £55k and his rent is super cheap. Anyway whatever his excuse is for that, he followed up with, how about I pay you until December so that arrears are paid then. 
It appears my DS2 is looking to move out of his next summer anyway and off to army college. He's no happier there ☹️ really don't think the army is suitable for him he has a lot of social problems that I think will go against him in that sort of job but ex and ds seem to know best. So anyway, sorry, digress - I won't have to pay ex any money for DS anyway if he does actually move out from July. So I'm at the stage of whatever I don't want to think about this anymore. So I accepted the payment of CM until Dec...let's see if he actually pays up till then though.