Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay my sister half the money our deceased father gave me?

WIAWSNB

NorfolkNanny said:

This is supposed to be about a moral dilemma.  Morally you should give your sister the £15k.  You will be receiving money from your father's estate so you can afford it now.  Also as someone has already pointed out, you have also benefitted from having that money for a few years and saved interest on your mortgage.  I think it is irrelavant whether your sister needs the money or not.  This is about fairness - and not falling out with your sister over money.

Isn't the 'moral' and 'fair' outcome the one that the dad would have wished and intended?

There is no point trying to second-guess this; in the absence of evidence to the contrary, it would appear that 'dad' made the decision to give this gift to one offspring, and sought the written acknowledgement and agreement of the other. That's it.

And he wrote a Will with explicit intent. How easy would it have been for him to have addressed this imbalance in his Will had he wished to? 

You reckon it's 'moral' to override his LW&T? 

Ok, I'd grant you that it is, provided everything else is equal. Eg, the siblings are roughly equally well off. Are equally deserving. Equally believe it would have been their dad's true wish and intention.

Only the OP can comment on this. Oh, they have.

My discomfort is two-fold; the nerve and entitlement of the sister asking for £15k, when we are told they certainly do not need it, and it wasn't requested in the Will! The OP is feeling pressurised into acting against their better judgement due to this emotional bullying. And, to everyone who shouts, 'evens is the right outcome!', I will ask them what circumstance will make them change their mind? Ie, it just ain't that simple.

You'd need to answer the following if you are going to blindly claim that 'evens' is more 'moral' than following the Will's written bequest;
What if one offspring is a wasted drug addict, or is constantly in debt because they spaff their money on the latest car, whilst the other is a schoolteacher and lives within their means. Are they equally deserving?
One married a city banker, drives a Porsche and sends their kids to private school, the other married a teacher, does charity work and drives an ailing C4 Picasso.
Take that to whatever logical conclusion you need to arrive at the answer - you don't hand over cash to someone who doesn't need it just to keep them your 'friend', or to salve their guilt-trip. Is that 'moral'? 

I have two kids, and both have recently completed Uni. One has qualified to work in operating theatres, and I expect will devote a large section of her life to the NHS. The other has the world in their palm, and I expect to do 'well' by any level. I love them both equally, and assuming their lives pan out as this early indication expects, will I leave them an equal amount in my Will? No, and they will understand why. And I believe will approve. If one doesn't, then they won't be the person I believe them to be. 

What if either turns out to have criminal tendencies?! Will that change anything? Too bludy right!

Nicki59

It was a shame you didn't agree how to treat it at the time. That said if the roles were reversed now how would you see it?
All in all the relationship with your sister is the most important not the money.
Any inheritance you get is a bonus, your father could have left it all to charity after all...and although your sister has no legal entitlement to extra morally I would say she does as she hadn't been fairly treated in his lifetime.

EMH2507

Family is more important than money, you never know if you will need your sisters help in the future.

Advise your sister of your current financial situation, and explain why you 'need' the money, and offer her half of the money £7,500.  To me, that's a good compromise, and if you and your Sister have a good relationship, I am sure she will be happy with this compromise, rather than upsetting your relationship going forward. 

Good luck

EMH2507

Re last message, £15k (half the money).

sclare

What was this mysterious piece of paper that you signed? What did it say? What were you signing to agree to, and what was said to your sister at the time? 

There's a lot more to this than you're telling us. 

JayD

You got financial help when you needed it.

You have both received an inheritance which clearly is sufficient for you to part with £15k of it and still not be out of pocket.

So, be a good sister and do so.

CharismaticMegafauna

In the decade before she died, my mum gave my sister around £30k more than she gave me (sister got money for a house deposit, her wedding and a new car). There was nothing in writing, but my mum told me she was not giving me the same as she’d helped me in time rather than money by providing ad-hoc childcare. When she died we each got 50/50; I didn’t get any extra to account for the gifts my sister had had. 

pragmatism

Grieving the recent loss of a parent has a major impact on family members and family relationship dynamics. It is generally recommended that those affected do not make big decisions relating to finances etc for a year at least. This issue falls within that rubric. Once the estate is settled grieving will really progress then and depending on the circumstances of death can take up to three years. Personally, I would place the £15,000 into an account somewhere for 2-3 years and then have a good think about the whole issue in the light of passage of time/ shifts in relationships and discuss with sister as appropriate before making final decision as to how £15 000 and any accrued interest be disposed of. 

teresa54

I reckon that your sister isn't too bothered about being sisterly. So no loss if she won't accept that the 30k was a gift and there was nothing in the will or initial agreement to say you should repay it or pay half, or indeed 30k, to your sister. 

If she accuses you of being unfair, a counter could be that you think she is being unfair too. 

I'd leave it at that, personally. Sounds hard-nosed, but I've had too many years of trying to be friends with sisters who are often less than friendly to me. You don't have to beg or plead for sisterly love. She wouldn't be asking this if she was being sisterly. 

ginger_chocolate

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A few years ago, my father gave me £30,000 to help pay off my mortgage. My sister agreed with the arrangement, and I signed a piece of paper to say that I'd received it. 

Sorry but what? Why did your sister need to "agree" to the "arrangement"? What did this piece of paper you signe say? This whole thing seems extremely weird and feels like there must be some information missing...