Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay my sister half the money our deceased father gave me?

IvonH

Yes, you do owe it to her - if not legally, then morally and ethically.  The fact you signed a piece of paper must mean this was meant to be a loan.  You do not get to decide whether your sister needs it and I think to her, this is more about your dad not favouring you.  So give her the 15k and tell her you know that this is what your dad intended as he loved you both equally.  
Otherwise, you will always have a weird feeling in your tummy (because you know that she is entitled to this) and you will also permanently damage your relationship with your sister and her family, if she has one.
As someone who was deliberately split from my brother by our psychopathic mother, the loss I felt and feel will never go away. 

Katecooks

Simply comes down to what your father's intentions were and only you have an inkling of whether he wanted to treat both you and your sister as equals (I think you already know the answer to the question - Did he want to gift you more money than your sister?) personally,  I doubt it. Irrelevant of whether you need it more than her: maybe she works harder and is more successful and has managed her money better than you - does that make her less deserving? (Lots of people here obviously think that).Your solicitor is correct; the money would have been classified legally as a 'gift' (no other way of doing it and it would have needed money laundering checks, hence the necessity for him to sign.) Don't do what is 'right' or what is 'legal' (tell your solicitor to butt out; he/she just wants more legal fees) do what only you know your Dad wanted. 

RSD7a

This is called the Money Moral Dilemma forum. Whether you need or don't need the money doesn't come into it. Put that aside and simply ask yourself what is the Moral pathway here. I think it will be clear. 

gothvixen

I'm the poor sibling in my family. I'm not poor because I have expensive tastes, as one answer suggests. That person chose to take on the stress of their business and seems bitter and peevish. When Mum died everything was split equally, because that's fair. I would never consider any other scenario. My brother means more to me than money.

Insywinsy

Yes you absolutely should do the right thing. I had a similar thing happening to me. My mother gave my brother 1/3 of her holiday home for hugely discounted price. I asked for her to give me the difference (I was not in a position to buy too, as the live in Denmark). After much discussion my mother agreed to over 3 years give me the difference ( but refused to actually let me know what that was) and she wanted me to then not inherite a penny ( I did not sign that). After the 4 years, she then gave my brother a big lump sum as she said, the investment / her house had lowered in value. I again stated that so had my pension in which I infested the money. She did not give me a similar amount. When my mother died a few years back , I got £200, that’s all she had apparently, absolutely incorrect. My brother handled everything as I live in UK. How do you think I feel about him
never making good and my mother being so unfair. Not great I can tell you. 

JaneandBeth

As stated in another post above, you have had £30k more than your sister. If she is asking for £15k from the father's money she is still £15k down on what you have had. It's not her fault you 'need' it - are you so much more valuable a person that you deserve money more than she does? It's a case of what your father expected from you - are you going to say 'na-na-na you aren't entitled so it's all mine' or say, 'OK Dad, I know what you expected of me, I'll find it hard for a while, but I won't let you down.' Your choice. Make it, and live with it.

mubashar

Wills are normally distributed equally. 
If your sisters consent was required, then it seems it was coming out of the Will.
Your father should have made it clear one way or the other.
I don't think we have been told the complete story.
We don't know if there was a written Will and if the Will predated the £30k or not.
Based on what we have been told, evidently your sister's understanding was that the £30k was a loan or advance payment from the Will.
If this is disputed in courts the legal system will happily charge you over £15k for the privellage. 
In the absence of you obtaining in writing from your father that the £30k is a non-returnable gift, you should be grateful that your sister consented at the time and you benefited. 
You should clearly agree to her getting £15k more.
If you value money more then family, you should discuss with your sister that you assumed the £30k was unrelated to the Will and took it as a non-returnable gift but you can appreciate how your sister could view it as connected to the Will and that you value the family ties and if you could both amicablly agree to meeting halfway i.e. you offer her £7.5k instead of the requested £15k.

oldtrout

These posts are hilarious!  We never get a response from the original poster. I must admit, it's good to see the reaction to these FAKE Money Moral Dilemmas as it shows some people really do want to help.  You have a 'Money Moral Dilemma'? Share it on social media?  All will be well

bikaga

I know I keep saying this every second week, but people need to talk to each other more. I know it's the UK, we don't talk about money and feelings, but you really need to.

Do you know she doesn't need the money? Does she know you really need it? (Do you?) How much are you already getting each, as she's saying "an extra" 15k? Do you regularly live above your means if you needed help from your dad back then and are short of money again? Do you have circumstances that keep you from working full-time and really need more support? Is the estate being split evenly between you apart from her extra ask? Are you each getting £20k or £50k or £100k or £250k or £500k? (I.e. what kind of percentage is the £15k?) Is there some property that could be sold later on, and you could give her the £15k that you need now once that's been done? Did you commit to a mortgage you can't afford, and you could move to a smaller place you can afford that would still meet your needs?

Without knowing any of this, it seems fair of her to ask for half of what you got extra. You'll still be off £15k better. But if she knows you're struggling, it's obviously less fair. 

If you really need the money, and she really doesn't, and she was okay with your dad supporting you before, and you're otherwise splitting the estate evenly and the £15k would make a big difference, talk to her. Make some plans together, maybe she can help you get back on track with your finances if you need that much even though your dad already helped you with your mortgage, and over time you can repay her. Or if that's not an option, she might understand once you share more of your situation. 

Honestly with the amount of info you've given, asking internet strangers doesn't seem a great idea.

primrose_penguin

Unfortunately money brings out the worst in people, especially at a time they should be pulling together after the loss of a parent. Your father obviously discussed it with your sister before giving you this sum of money several years ago, and she was okay about it. If your father had wanted to give your sister extra money to account for what he gave you then he would have put it in his will. Your sister will receive half of your fathers estate the same as you. If she is a a difficult position financially then it is up to you whether you are able to give her £15.000 from your share of the estate, but I think you should both remember this is your fathers money that he had worked hard for and his wishes should be followed, which is obviously what will happen after probate. If your sister felt aggrieved when you were given this money she should have spoken to your father about it, but she didn't, so I think it is a bit late and underhand to complain about it now. Your solicitor has stated she has no legal right to this extra money and he is right. It is entirely up to you to do what you feel is best, but I also think your sister is wrong to feel such bitterness and greed after your father has passed away. I wonder how he would have felt about her demands?? His wishes should be respected above anyone else's.