Money Moral Dilemma: Should my sibling compensate me for handling our parents' estates?

jedav

DailyDippy said:

Can I make a slightly curve ball suggestion….is it really the finances that are bothering you? Could it be that actually you’d like some acknowledgment from your sibling that you’ve done the bulk of the work in the last few years your parents were alive, then the work on the estates and you’ve also effectively (and generously) contributed to their flights.

Perhaps is there a gentle conversation to explain how you’re feeling and that while you’ve been happy to do it all, you would like some recognition…maybe even just verbally. That might in turn result in something offered, even paying for a meal out, or a card, some flowers.

i wonder if that’s really what would help you?

Good suggestion

mimgable

Being executor is long hard work and many people just agree without thinking about the implications. If you agree, you have options once the person has died. You can do all the work, or utilise funds from the estate to pay solicitors, workmen to sort house needs etc. It’s been your choice to take it on instead of opting to not do so. I think it’s irrelevant that physical issues prevent family members from being hands on. I would say it’s unreasonable to ask for financial compensation when you didn’t actually have to do the work, but chose to. That’s nothing to do with them. 

It’s not worth the risk of destroying your relationship with them over what would be a limited amount. Friends and families end up destroying each other over money+then have lost more than what money is worth! 

Take pride that you did good job for your parents+move on with life. It’s really a case of hindsight re what you’ve done. Use it as a learning experience so you know what’s involved if asked again, and for consideration as to who you might ask to be executor+the commitment involved.

mlz1413

You say that your sibling lives overseas but not how many hours away, so it could be France it could be New Zealand. 

But you have put your life in hold with your young family to sort the estate  because it is on your door step.  But your sibling could have done the same, just add the travel time on top and the fact it would have been a a week or two at a time.

As you have done the bulk of the work,  because it needed doing, you probably didn't take into account how tired and grumpy you would be by the end of a very emotional time.

Maybe its time to ask the sibling to come over when the house sells so you can have some support when you sign the last of the paperwork and hand over the keys.  A week of their time to share emotions with the only other person on the same journey maybe better than money. 

OR maybe ask if you can have the equivalent of the flight costs from the estate to take your family to see them, once the house is sold and have a well earned break.

cheshireperson

Having recently lost my Dad and last surviving parent , I have done all the probate and admin, funeral arrangements and service . I also moved in with my poor Dad and looked after him for four years , having no life of my own . I would not have dreamt of asking my brother for extra money .