Money Moral Dilemma: Should my sibling compensate me for handling our parents' estates?

Pollycat

How much are you thinking of asking for?

Is it worth risking what seems to be a good relationship with your sibling?

silvercar

Afourteen said:

No. I'd expect all costs (including their flights etc) to come out of the shared 'pot' before devision so I'd not expect any additional costs to be added at this point. 

I'd expect those that wish to attend the funeral to pay for their own travel costs. 

partdeux22

Money doesn't give you those hours back? My sister lives in Australia and I have P.O.A, and I'm my parents executer. I will give her money for flights and not expect anything for admin time. It wouldn't cross my mind, I can't imagine it took that long. 

RAKAPAKA

I think you have been generous with the flights but also see your predicament as you wish to remain on good terms with your sibling and family.  Can you suggest splitting the proceeds from the sale of the house 50/50 but your sibling allows you to sell all the household items/furniture etc and keep the money from these as you will be organising all of this and seems a fair solution.

DailyDippy

Can I make a slightly curve ball suggestion….is it really the finances that are bothering you? Could it be that actually you’d like some acknowledgment from your sibling that you’ve done the bulk of the work in the last few years your parents were alive, then the work on the estates and you’ve also effectively (and generously) contributed to their flights.

Perhaps is there a gentle conversation to explain how you’re feeling and that while you’ve been happy to do it all, you would like some recognition…maybe even just verbally. That might in turn result in something offered, even paying for a meal out, or a card, some flowers.

i wonder if that’s really what would help you?

kimwp

MS888 said:

Administering an estate is an onerous task; two, even more so. I have done just the same (two estates in tandem) and also had a sibling overseas who could only offer limited help. Nevertheless, an executor, other than a relevant professional such as a solicitor or accountant, has no right to charge any fee, unless there is a specific clause in the will. You can only claim, from the estate, your reasonable expenses. TheGazette.co.uk has a really helpful guide, which explains this. As for the cost of your sibling's travel expenses to attend the funerals, that appears to have been a nice gesture to which you both agreed, so I would treat that as a separate and irrelevant matter.

I completely agree with this. 

confusedgranny

partdeux22 said:

Money doesn't give you those hours back? My sister lives in Australia and I have P.O.A, and I'm my parents executer. I will give her money for flights and not expect anything for admin time. It wouldn't cross my mind, I can't imagine it took that long. 

You've obviously never been an executor

confusedgranny

My mother-in-law appointed the solicitor who wrote her will as executor. In some ways we wished that we had done it as we knew more about her finances and had to correct his omissions.
Maybe one way to approach it would be to ask your solicitor what they would have charged to do the whole thing, and mention to your sister that it seemed like a big task and that you've save the estates x by doing it. Then hope there would be some recognition.
And as suggested already, make an estimate of postage, petrol costs.

lolofun12

Family harmony should come first, be proud that you stepped up for your parents and pat yourself in the back negative thoughts will breed negativity, good luck going forward 

JayD

I am amazed you would even consider this!

Yes, I think it is absolutely wrong to ask your sibling for compensation for the work and time you have put into administering your parents' estates!