Money Moral Dilemma: Should my sibling compensate me for handling our parents' estates?

pbakercassidy

I'm an executor for a slightly complicated estate. One of the clauses states that all/ any executors can claim expenses (lots of registered letters/ all fees/ travel to various offices etc) Reasonable compensation for some of the hours worked - especially if it meant taking time away from the regular job. The "estate" should pay that, rather than it being seen as particular individuals covering the bills. I did 2 sets of probate last year - saving several thousand pounds on the solicitor's bills. The expenses were mainly fees, but I rewarded the time spent with a decent

Afourteen

No. I'd expect all costs (including their flights etc) to come out of the shared 'pot' before devision so I'd not expect any additional costs to be added at this point. 

gothvixen

I have a brother who lives abroad, in Europe. When our mother was declining I, naturally, provided the regular visits, time taking her to appointments and long waits in hospital. When she died I dealt directly with the GP, undertaker and death certificate business. Then my brother was able to take over to administrate the estate, for which there was no will. He used my address when needed, explaining the situation, and was able to do everything needed in a surprisingly reasonable time. You use the internet. He came over for a week for the funeral and then to do what was needed to clear the house and put it up for sale. The situation seemed perfectly fair to us both. It's a shame to introduce any friction between yourselves at his time.

Southendormargate

Deduct all costs then do a 50/50 share of the remainder

Deb02

One of the biggest fall outs in families is over money - he / she did more of the work therefore they should be entitled to be compensated for it.  But unless it was in the will the sibling who did less of the work has absolutely no obligation to pay anything.  Presumably when the house is eventually sold you will both hopefully inherit a good amount.  So unless you want to cause a feud which you both won't probably recover from, drop the idea of asking them for further money.  

Mother_of_Many

‘Unfair’ this sounds like something my toddler would say!
Teach your kids that life isn’t ‘fair’ and while you’re at it, listen to the lesson yourself. I don’t accept the ‘fair’ whinge from my 4 or 6 year olds so am shocked that an adult would come out with it 😂😂

As the executor, you have only described that role. Astounded that anyone would think they could do anything other than split the inheritance. 

Is your sibling lazy? No…they are abroad!  And you say what a support they have been. 

You should count yourself lucky you have a kind sibling, and if anything feel a bit sorry for them that they have been landed with you, you do sound somewhat tight and pathetic!

Perhaps you could just be nicer and accept that the location means this was your last thing to do for your mother and move on, as this sort of thing could end up being blown up and leave you and sibling at odds, which would be a bit sad over money wouldn’t it? 

primrose_penguin

I understand how you feel as I lost my parents within a month of each other and although it was one estate, I was the one who did all the work. My sister had unfortunately died 1 1/2 years before my parents so I was the only one left. Although her grown children were named in my parents will, they offered no help even though they lived nearby. My husband and I hired a van to travel the 5 hours to my parents home and spent the whole week sorting out what furniture etc. we wanted and asking my sisters children to come and pick what they would like to have before asking a house clearance to take the rest. We then cleaned the bungalow and got it ready for sale. I then did all the paperwork for the solicitor when I returned home. I received nothing for all the work and to be honest at the time did not expect it, I felt I was doing it for my parents and have no regrets. In your case your sister cannot help as she lives abroad, but it sounds as if you have a good relationship with each other as she has been very supportive during this time. If you incurred any expenses whilst doing all the work, that should be repaid to you from the estate before any division of money, make sure you have receipts for this. Otherwise it is a bit difficult to know whether you should approach your sister to ask for a contribution  towards the work you have done, only you know how she would react to your request, it would be a shame to spoil the good relationship between you over this. I don't really understand why you split the inheritance equally but the fares for your sister and her family to attend the funeral came from a shared pot, I would have thought she could have paid for them out of her share of the inheritance, which would have meant you would have had that bit extra to go towards all the work you have done. Hope things work out okay for you.

kbskylady

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear of your double loss, and in such quick succession.  Having to deal with all the necessary paperwork on top of that must have been very distressing. Your sibling was obviously not in a position to help with paperwork because of living overseas, but it is good that you say s/he has been morally very supportive; it sounds as though you have a solid relationship. I think it is very fair to start a conversation with said sibling, pointing out how much work you have had to do and, crucially, that it has taken you a considerable time away from doing things with your kids; s/he has kids too so will understand.  All that on top of your grief. I hope you can work out a financial compensation amount that can be agreed to by both parties and which your sibling can pay to you out of his/her part of the estate. In our grief, some things get forgotten and the aspect of all the work you have had to do may be somethng that your sibling has not even considered.  Wishing you both well going forward.

Keswood

There is nothing wrong in asking for out of pocket expenses for your work you are doing as executor. I was joint executor for my father in 2018 along with my elder sister. She was unable and unwilling to do any of the work due to living too far away and having just started a new job. I did everything, cleaned the house cut the grass organised the funeral the lot Put the house on market sorted ALL his debts and took a whole month off work in order to sort out his mess off affairs. I assked my solicitor how much I could claim back and she said I have no problem with 10% of the estate value. A std 45p for every mile you do in relation to the work plus ALL your expenses. The estate was worth £440,000. I put in a claim for £2,400. My solicitor said it was much less than average and gave it the OK. My sister said it was disgusting I had profited from my fathers death. I had not, just claimed for my time and fuel. She did absolutly nothing and infact cost us more in fees as everything had to be countersigned by her. Had she just said she wanted to not act as executor it would have been much cheaper, 

Newly_retired

I have done all the work for my husband’s estate although there is another executor. Apart from actual costs eg postage, fees incurred I have not claimed for anything, but nor have I paid any travel expenses to my co-executor, who made a few journeys to collect stuff and to attend an official appointment. Seems fair to me. I have the time and am on the spot whereas he has a busy job and a family and lives at a distance. If you had wanted to claim you should have discussed it at the time you paid out for flights. As I understand it, a lay executor does not have the right to be paid for their time.