Money Moral Dilemma: Should my sibling compensate me for handling our parents' estates?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My sibling and I lost both parents, who were separated, in quick succession. My sibling lives overseas and has been great moral support, but hasn't been able to help with the huge amount of related admin. We split the inheritance equally and paid for flights from the shared pot so my sibling and their children could attend the funerals. I was happy with that, but we're now selling mum's house and I've done all the work to get it ready. I've missed a lot of time with my young family, and it's starting to feel unfair. Is it wrong to ask for some compensation for the work I've put in?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

  If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
  Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
  View past Money Moral Dilemmas

El_Torro

I think this line of thinking is relatively reasonable. Probably something that should have been discussed up front. 

You essentially paid for half the cost of the flights for the funeral. That's a nicer gesture than I would have made, considering the amount of work that was ahead of you. I would ask for that money back once the estates have been finalised and money distributed. 

Other than that I'm not sure it's a good idea to ask for more. Especially since there was no upfront agreement. 

Daniel54

Yes,it is wrong to expect any compensation other than legitimate expenses arising from your duties as an executor.Those duties can admittedly be onerous,but I would suggest the burden rarely falls equally between executors

 Be happy that your sibling has been supportive despite living overseas,and cast aside any temptation to embrace feelings of unfairness.

silvercar

Is this remorse over your generosity in paying for the flights? I think that was the time to think that they have a long costly journey to make but you have an admin burden, so both have difficulties to face.

RAS

You are entitled to claim for any expenses, that might include travel costs.

Beyond that I'd ask your sibling to agree to even up the costs of their family's travel to the UK. That doesn't come into the category of funeral expenses.