Money Moral Dilemma: Should my sibling compensate me for handling our parents' estates?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My sibling and I lost both parents, who were separated, in quick succession. My sibling lives overseas and has been great moral support, but hasn't been able to help with the huge amount of related admin. We split the inheritance equally and paid for flights from the shared pot so my sibling and their children could attend the funerals. I was happy with that, but we're now selling mum's house and I've done all the work to get it ready. I've missed a lot of time with my young family, and it's starting to feel unfair. Is it wrong to ask for some compensation for the work I've put in?

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El_Torro

I think this line of thinking is relatively reasonable. Probably something that should have been discussed up front. 

You essentially paid for half the cost of the flights for the funeral. That's a nicer gesture than I would have made, considering the amount of work that was ahead of you. I would ask for that money back once the estates have been finalised and money distributed. 

Other than that I'm not sure it's a good idea to ask for more. Especially since there was no upfront agreement. 

Daniel54

Yes,it is wrong to expect any compensation other than legitimate expenses arising from your duties as an executor.Those duties can admittedly be onerous,but I would suggest the burden rarely falls equally between executors

 Be happy that your sibling has been supportive despite living overseas,and cast aside any temptation to embrace feelings of unfairness.

silvercar

Is this remorse over your generosity in paying for the flights? I think that was the time to think that they have a long costly journey to make but you have an admin burden, so both have difficulties to face.

RAS

You are entitled to claim for any expenses, that might include travel costs.

Beyond that I'd ask your sibling to agree to even up the costs of their family's travel to the UK. That doesn't come into the category of funeral expenses.

roubiliac

If you are the executor suck it up. It’s your job that you accepted willingly. I’ve done it four times and wouldn’t dream of what you suggest

Bantam53

I was in a similar situation last year. I did the lion’s share and received expenses but it didn’t even occur to me to ask the other beneficiaries for compensation for the hours I had put in. I think you should be proud to have done a good job for your parents and accept the situation. 

MS888

Administering an estate is an onerous task; two, even more so. I have done just the same (two estates in tandem) and also had a sibling overseas who could only offer limited help. Nevertheless, an executor, other than a relevant professional such as a solicitor or accountant, has no right to charge any fee, unless there is a specific clause in the will. You can only claim, from the estate, your reasonable expenses. TheGazette.co.uk has a really helpful guide, which explains this. As for the cost of your sibling's travel expenses to attend the funerals, that appears to have been a nice gesture to which you both agreed, so I would treat that as a separate and irrelevant matter.

04Felix15

Sincerely think about it, depending on your relationships  it could potentially cause family dramas I hope not but it could. 

Ask yourself would they help if they could or would it still be down to you. 

If you choose to tell your family, hope everything goes well. 

Tigra_

The flights cost being shared seems an odd choice. If your suggestion then no need to mention it now. If their request then they must have realised the cost would come about one day.

Turning to the house sale, you presumably had a choice to hire help (clearance company, skips etc.) the cost of which would be borne by the estate, but perhaps chose not to save money.

They chose to move away so perhaps missed out in later years. Very hard to square the circle.

You shouldn’t be out of pocket, but it’s not a job.

Cherish the memories and move on.

keithyno.1

Your question is, "Is it wrong to ask for some compensation for the work I've put in?" Well there's no harm in asking and as such it wouldn't necessarily be 'wrong,' but assuming your parents' estates have been left equally between yourself and your sibling i.e. a 50/50 split then your sibling would be quite within their rights to refuse to allow you compensation from the estates for the work you've put in, over and above what they're due. 

Your sibling could obviously agree to such a request as a 'thank you' from them for the work you've put in. But if they refuse, there could be bad feeling on either side over the matter. Is it worth risking family harmony over it? Only you can answer that (as against anyone in this forum), as only you and your sibling know your full family situation/dynamic.