Undecided where - move to care for parents

ExEstateAgent

Leamington Spa is a nice town with a bit of a buzz but not particularly cheap although I'm sure there'll be areas nearby which offer better value. 

But, being around an hour away from your parents might seem better but the reality might not be so easy - if you needed to visit after work say, leaving home at 6pm, spending a couple of hours with them and then getting home again at gone 10pm, on a regular basis, is going to knacker you out! 

As others have said, the trips will get more frequent and you will probably need to spend more and more time with them. 

Would you think about part time moving in with them? (assuming that's a possibility) keeping your own home for days when you need to be in the office or need a break? 

Could you consider buying a bigger place near where you live now and having them move in with you? Maybe funded by the sale of their home (assuming a co-operative brother)? 

I do think you need to discuss your concerns and ideas with your Brother and more delicately with your parents and see what their views are. Ultimately whatever you do it's highly likely that it isn't going to be enough and there will come the point where outside assistance is necessary/essential. 

lincroft1710

Having had further thoughts on this, as well as reading other peoples' opinions on here, it might not be such a good idea. It all hinges around your parents, their current state of health and how rapidly it is declining, plus their attitudes to your or outside help. Dementia is an unknown quantity, it can creep up slowly and/or take over very quickly

Albermarle

lincroft1710 said:

Having had further thoughts on this, as well as reading other peoples' opinions on here, it might not be such a good idea. It all hinges around your parents, their current state of health and how rapidly it is declining, plus their attitudes to your or outside help. Dementia is an unknown quantity, it can creep up slowly and/or take over very quickly

From some experience it seems to happen in steps. Problem gets worse and then plateaus for a while, before getting worse still. Often a fall precipitates a decline.
Also there are different forms of dementia, with different symptoms.

tooldle

Dementia is a really tricky situation. My parent was in a care home for over 10 years before succumbing to the disease. My neighbour on the other hand managed at home for a few short months before a very necessary admission to hospital. Over a year later the neighbour is still in hospital and unlikely to be leaving. Timescales and severity vary enormously. Like you OP I was dealing with this whilst working full time. I’m going to be very honest and say it was an absolute relief when my parent passed away. My employer was reasonably flexible which at times was helpful, but we all need to sleep, eat and rest. Be careful OP. I managed to burn the candle at both ends for around 10 months. I quit working shortly afterwards and feel it took a good six months to feel properly myself again. It is always tempting to try and squeeze in a bit more time / help etc but your capacity is limited

AliceBanned

Thanks everyone for the advice and warnings. I am still working out what would be best.