Undecided where - move to care for parents

AliceBanned

Hi I would appreciate some advice on where to move to. 

Recently my parents (in their late 80s) need a lot of support. They live in a small town near Derby in their own home. I want to move nearer to them within about an hour’s drive and have sold my flat in Herts and looking to buy a house further north, so that I am not too far to drive to work in north London, as I have to be in office twice a week. I’m trying to negotiate this down to one day as I can work perfectly well (better) from home but my department alone has this ruling. 

I am thinking MiltonKeynes or Northampton perhaps. I like being fairly close to train line into London as I meet friends there once or twice a month. I mostly have to drive in Herts anyway so though not ideal I am anticipating having to drive frequently and do like quieter settings. I have been down south for many years but enjoy going back further north and as well as seeing parents more there would be the advantage of being able to afford a house and garden rather than small flat. Budget £300-350k. It feels like a big step as I am used to south east and London but the impetus for move is parents’ health. Thanks for any recommendations.

ps I like outdoors, cycling, gym and live music, dancing, if I get time for hobbies - am 58 and not yet close to retiring/slowing down especially as I live alone. I have been going round in circles trying to narrow down which area so I thought some recommendations from forumites with experience of living in nice areas would help!

bobster2

Surely Milton Keynes isn't that much closer to Derby than you are already? And it's still about 1.5 hours from Derby.

To be a 1 hour drive from Derby and 1 hour on the train to London - how about Rugby?

AliceBanned

Thanks Bobster hadn’t considered Rugby. Yes I’m undecided how far north to go because I don’t want to leave my job.

bobster2

Rugby has very frequent trains to Euston. Journey time is about 55 mins.

BrilliantButScary

What about Market Harborough?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/london/5234573-move-from-london-to-market-harborough?page=1

Can I ask, do your parents have any other support that is closer to them, than an hour away? Elderly parents' support needs can change very quickly, and inevitably increase, particularly when one parent has to go into care or dies.

I know that you are not planning to retire in the near future, but will this house purchase be your 'forever' home?

Good Luck, and I hope you find somewhere lovely.

BungalowBel

Birmingham New Street to London Euston 1.5 hrs (some trains quicker)
Birmingham new Street to  Derby 45 minutes

Plus the time it takes you to get to/from the stations.

boots_babe

I would echo the comments of BrilliantButScary. About 8 years ago my parents moved to be closer to me in their older years. I was really pleased as they had been 2 hours' drive away until then.

They are now just 30 minutes away. But in the last year, both their health has gone downhill shockingly quickly - and very unexpectedly. When I'm having to go over most days, I really wish they were much closer. Especially when you get a  all in the middle of the night. Or when one has been in hospital and I have to drive to theirs, pick up the other parent for hospital visiting, drive to hospital and then all back again. 

Not trying to worry you, you're doing a great thing in moving to help your parents, but it would be a terrible shame if you go through such upheaval then a year down the line find you need to be much closer than 1 hour away.

Best of luck.

Albermarle

I am thinking MiltonKeynes or Northampton perhaps

As said MK would not meet your objective of being nearish to your parents and I would say MK is a bit of a Marmite type of place.
Northampton has lots of reasonable price housing but the centre is a bit run down.
Some of the other suggestions, like Rugby or Market Harborough could be better, the latter being quite desirable.

It feels like a big step as I am used to south east and London

You will not find anywhere really like London, so best to forget about that and just visit there.
Otherwise to narrow things down you have to decide on whether you prefer City/Town/ large village(or small town) or small village?

gm0

What they said.  Care setting considerations (supported living) or move them or you MUCH closer.  Commuting appears to be your constraint.

Our elders were 3 hours and 2 hours away to start with. 

Situation likely to become unworkable with frequent needs and "emergencies" in combination with work.  It happens suddenly, is ok for a bit then it ratchets again.  Frequency increases as do needs. Dementia decline support and care is a particularly difficult scenario as the transition to a care setting is typically done too late because nobody wants it to happen - and yet it must. Few families can run that to the end. 

Extra travel just compounds the difficulty.  Popping in is amazingly good for morale.  
Popping over 10 min fine. 50 min each way - not so much.

We looked at places (for property choice) more like 45 minutes instead of 10 when we fixed the 2-3 hour thing.  Very glad we didn't do that now.  

Muddled thinking.

AliceBanned

Thanks everyone for helpful comments. I should have added that my brother recently retired and lives 15 min drive away from them. When he’s away I go up more to support them but that’s just 3 hold a year or so for him. Obviously don’t want him to do everything and besides I offer different skills such as cooking and gardening.

its really helpful advice. I would like to be able to pop in but hard to make a big decision to be really close so has to be compromise. Had considered MH as sounds lovely. My ex colleague moved there for family reasons and found it not so workable for the job (in north London). She resigned and found local work but she has partner in good job working remotely. I really don’t want to resign because at 58 I’m going to struggle to get the same salary and I need to keep piling money into my pension as I’m catching up after starting late. I’d love to travel by train more too as the drives will become stressful.

AliceBanned

BrilliantButScary said:

What about Market Harborough?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/london/5234573-move-from-london-to-market-harborough?page=1

Can I ask, do your parents have any other support that is closer to them, than an hour away? Elderly parents' support needs can change very quickly, and inevitably increase, particularly when one parent has to go into care or dies.

I know that you are not planning to retire in the near future, but will this house purchase be your 'forever' home?

Good Luck, and I hope you find somewhere lovely.

Forgot to say no not forever home. But if it’s big and comfortable enough parents can stay with me temporarily or long term. My Dad is likely to be happy to do this as he is bored in his area and likes being taken out or having bus routes nearby etc. I’d like them to be able to stay occasionally for a week or so as they don’t get away now. If they want to that is. They need a lot of help just to do something different but I see an improvement in my Dad when we do new things.