Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay half the parking 'fine' my husband got giving my parents a lift?

oldtrout

Absolutely ridiculous!

Shell1989

Your husband would not have been there if not for the fact that he was taking your parents, however, as the driver of the car it was HIS responsibility to ensure he was parked safely and acceptably. It’s like going out with friends and being the designated driver, and expecting your friends to split the ticket if you got one. If you’re driving, you’re responsible for parking correctly, it’s nothing to do with the passengers. So this is ultimately your husbands problem to decide how he’d like to proceed. However, asking you for half the money suggests each of you keep your money to yourselves, rather than having it all go in to one joint account. That’s a martial dynamic I can’t quite get my head around, and worth a conversation. Equally, even though he got the ticket, if you’re better at admin tasks, you could appeal it for him if that’s the road you both agree to go down. Marriage is a partnership. It’s not really HIS ticket or YOUR ticket, it’s both your ticket, and both your money to pay it if you end up having to.

bikaga

To everyone here who thinks that not having finances 100% joint is a sign of a bad marriage in some way, please go with the times.

There are so many reasons to keep money fully or partially separated:

• one partner has much better credit history than the other
• one partner has debt that they want to pay off on their own without their partner's money going into their own past life / mistake
• one or both partners have family from before the new relationship and don't want their new partner's money to go towards supporting them
• one or both partners has an expensive hobby they don't want their partner's money to be spent on
• the couple have an arrangement to pay certain expenses jointly and others not
• etc - I could spend hours on this list.

Having seen women in my mother's generation being dumped for a younger version the moment the kids turned 18 and weren't entitled to payments anymore, or the husband spending the wife's money (including inheritances) on dubious investments and losing everything, I 100% support keeping all or some of your finances separate. (Yes Not All Man and Some Women etc. but I've mostly seen the women being taken advantage of with the joint finances.)

No, you wouldn't marry someone if you didn't think it was a good idea, but also "a good idea" can mean anything from "I was pregnant" to "we have similar goals in the short term" to "it's a convenient arrangement" to "we truly love each other". You don't know what's going to happen in 10 years or 25 years, what events may challenge your finances, how a partner's personality will change, how life and illness and circumstances will affect a relationship. Whether one day you may need to run and hide and need your own bank account.

As for the moral dilemma, I don't know who raised the fee and if/how it can be challenged, but if you / your parents knew the deal and didn't warn your husband, ball's in your court. If he'd been told and ignored it, he can deal with it.

Coupon-mad

It isn't a fee or fine.

Why are we discussing this? Nobody pays private parking scam invoices and there is no 'appeal'.

Reggy1971

Apart from the fact that these money dilemmas are just made up and not real.
If it were real, and the driver was stating his partner should pay, then a lawyer (a divorce one) would be in order.

primrose_penguin

I would definitely challenge it, there is proof your parents of your parents doctors appointment at the surgery, so I would ring there first to ask them to cancel the parking ticket, however if the parking area has been given to a private company to manage then you would either have to contact them or ignore it. We have been sent parking tickets on 3 occasions, the first was to my own daughters wedding (the hotel car park), we did not notice the signs as we were last to arrive having had to clear the flowers from the registry office, the receptionist did not mention about signing in our licence plate number when we went into the hotel, we complained and the hotel got in touch with the car parking firm and it was eventually cancelled. The second time we were dropping off some books to a charity shop who had a rear entrance, we did not see any sign about parking but received a ticket as it was a shared space and we had parked in the wrong bit, again we complained and the charity shop managed to get the ticket cancelled. The third time we had gone shopping and paid for parking then moved to another car park in the same town to shop in that area, my husband completely forgot to buy a second ticket and we received a fine from the council, this time we paid as it was our fault and sent a letter explaining and enclosing the first parking slip we had paid for, to our surprise the council kindly returned our cheque. Your husband is being a bit petty about this, he was driving the car and I presume sitting in it whilst waiting for your parents to come back so he missed the notice about putting in his number. I personally would not pay the fine as I think it is ridiculous, you would not expect to have to enter your car number going to see the doctor, I am sure your husband is not the first person to get caught like this, so hopefully the surgery will get in touch with the car parking firm to get it cancelled. I doubt whether the firm would take it to court if you did not pay, it would not be worth the expense and anyway they would probably lose the case.

Matt8888

He is your actual husband? As in, what is mine is yours and what is yours is mine? What a bizarre relationship (in my eyes at least) so many people seem to have these days... Totally ridiculous!

Rocketdogroya

Separate finances can work happily in a marriage, so long as 'life' responsibility is shared. After 25 years we are still separate but pay an equal share of everything then what we have left is our own. 
The OP may be living on the breadline and this charge may be a very big deal for someone with no spare cash hence the husband asking for help.

However it could just be a petty squabble and not about the money at all but the 'principle' for him.

I have a blue badge and went in my friends car to a different county whose rules were different. He was charged by the council  and I never offered to pay even half (he was well off and I wasnt) but this was 15 years ago and I have ALWAYS felt I was responsible (it was acceptable use in my county) and should have at least contributed to it as I told him it was ok. 

jaym1980

Challenge it even if the fine is for private land 

I got one from APCOA for the Morrisons car paying Eccles. 1 minute over the 90 minute stay(due to long delays & queues in the store).

I challenged it with APCOA who wouldn't back down so I went to the Morrisons CEO team who promptly got the fine cancelled.

My partner also got one in the car park at Starbucks Trafford centre and this(car registered to me)was also challenged and APCOA never followed up on it.

Your GP surgery may be able to help get it cancelled.

Lowry1986

Three issues here. 
Firstly when your husband drives a car, on whatever business, does he not accept responsibility for any mistakes he might make.  If he had had a serious or expensive accident on this journey would responsibility really fall to you!?
It his mistake and therefore his responsibility to sort it out.
Apart from that, the parking ticket seems unfair. But it's HIS parking ticket not yours. He should appeal or deal with it as he thinks best.
However in our marriage the question of who should pay the penalty would never arise. We have a shared and trusting relationship and the bill would come out of our joint account, just as every other bill does. Its also where all our income goes. Never a problem.