Money Moral Dilemma: Should we change the way we split holiday costs now my partner has passed away?

Katecooks

LittleMountain said:

These sticky single situations come up often. Splitting bills. Going in on joint gifts for friends, etc. For example, last month, a casual friend, her hubby and I shared a taxi. On arrival at our destination, it was an automatic decision on their part that the fare was to be split 50/50. I wasn’t going to argue, sat in the back of a cab, but if there’d been three friends (no romantic partners) obviously it would have been split in three. In my opinion, it should always be about the number of people. Two people acting like they are two halves that make a whole give me the ick… and I swear they often know the game they’re playing. 

That's unfair and next time (if ever!) you take a taxi with your 'friends' make sure you let them know before you get in the taxi that as there are 3 of you, you expect to pay a third not half the bill (unless you are going to two very different locations/drop offs). I'm part of a couple (and have been for decades) but I'm not joined at the hip with my husband - we are two individuals, always have been and always will be! Ask your 'casual friend' if her hubby dies first will she be getting in the coffin with him so that they can act like two halves and only pay for one coffin?

BadAnnie

I am amazed that you are having to ask this question. When this situation arose for a friend that always came on holiday with us with her husband. I immediately said the costs should be split into 3 without putting my friend in the position where she needed to ask. In a hotel you'd have the opportunity to book a single room. Assuming it's a house, flat, caravan etc. there is always one room better than others. Which the couple would probably expect to have. If they have any compassion for your new situation they will realise all this and act accordingly. Financially all this will impact your life now, as the world is biased financially towards couples. You only have to look at council tax to see that. Houses are rated on 2 Adults but if you are one it is not reduced by half.

IvonH

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. 
Regarding your problem, I think it depends very much on the accommodation.  If there is a cheaper option where one of the rooms is a single, or if the cost is worked out on occupancy, then you could reasonably expect to pay proportional to the cost. 
However, if the property is let on the number of rooms, it would be unreasonable to pay less than the cost of the room (you seem to be going away with one other couple only, so in this case:  half).
If you are suffering financially due to your loss, maybe you can mention to your friends that you would find it easier to pay a cheaper holiday rental because of your financial situation - surely, they must be good enough friends so that you can be honest and open with them.  If they are good friends and well off, they may offer that you pay only a third - but that would be their favour to you, not your right.  

lewisiablue

To be honest, why should the other couple pay more because you are now on your own? The only time I would say for you to pay less is if there is a double room and a single room, which in some cases costs more. So overall you are going to find yourself paying a supplement for being single (terrible isn't it!) Maybe find a friend to take with you and also so you don't feel like a third wheel.

So sorry for your loss

willowhubby

I would ask your friends what they feel should happen. If they are good friends they will take account of your circumstances and the attributable costs in discussing the matter and I'm sure come to a good compromise with you. If not, and it gets awkward you need to decided if you keep them as friends. In these circumstances, I would bear any additional cost you feel unfair and then decide how to move forward with them as friends. Their friendship might be more important than money. Just a thought.

Ditzy_Mitzy

Matt8888 said:

poppystar said:

Matt8888 said:

Does anybody out there fancy setting up a "Singles Pressure Group"? It could ultimately become a big business. I don't know the exact stats, but a large % of the population is single, but the world is as if 80% are couples. We need a pressure group to lobby government etc. There is also the opportunity for special deals with hotel chains and travel companies etc. I'm not interested in doing it myself, but for the right people, it could become a massive movement if done properly. But of course it needs money, time, knowhow and media connections etc. to really get it going.

Or maybe we could just start with this forum - there is no category I can see for money saving singles here! 

Well it would be a start! I would like to imagine in due course there may be a kind of kite mark or similar for hotels that do a better deal for single people etc to force businesses to change their practices if they want a large chunk of the UK singles market. The movement would suit a dozen or so single early-retirees perhaps who want a new project and would ideally have professional expertise and contacts in many of the necessary fields to get something like this off the ground. But it has to start somewhere, so perhaps some discussions about it on a forum here might catch they eye of some interested people. Perhaps Martin Lewis himself might do something about campaigning for a fairer deal for singles (thinking of tax breaks etc that couples get when singles have a harder time financially).

I think the issue with something like that, in the context of hotels and the like, is that the majority of costs, per room, remain constant regardless of how many are occupying.  A single occupant will use less water and soap, granted, but will have the same requirements as a couple, give or take, for heating, lighting, parking and cleaning.  Said single occupant is also less profitable when it comes to food and sundries - one meal per room rather than two and one user of paid-for facilities such as spas and health clubs.  Solo travellers, especially female, may also be less likely to use the hotel bar - unless something is laid on to incentivize it such as organized activities.  

It's the usual case of swings and roundabouts, with those in business, naturally, going for what is profitable rather than what might be seen as socially responsible.  

As for the dilemma, it's somewhat two-sided.  If the couple's part costs more, then they should pay more.  If, however, the rates are identical for the two rooms, it's hard to justify an argument for the couple putting more in - unless they want to subsidize the widowed friend.  They might, but shouldn't be compelled to.  

JayD

It really does depend on the type of holiday. As usual insufficient details given here to make an informed suggestion. Is it a hotel holiday, all inclusive, half board etc - what would happen re meals? Or is it self catering, what would happen re food? Is it a rented property, e.g. a villa, or hotel double rooms? Is the holiday within the UK or abroad? A package or items booked separately?

Too many ifs to have a reasonable opinion.

Whatever the answers, if you feel your contribution is now disproportionate, try talking it over with them!

Olenna

You previously paid per person - just as a pair so two quarters (half) of the bills. 

Pay per person unless it's something you occupy alone (e.g. hotel room).
At a shared event,  meal or holiday food shopping - you pay roughly a 1/3rd.
This can tweaked informally e.g. you buy coffee once day and them the next two times.