Money Moral Dilemma: Should we change the way we split holiday costs now my partner has passed away?

jw764

I think you just have to suggest booking somewhere cheaper because you can't double your holiday budget.

They will either agree or offer to contribute more themselves. Splitting it per person is not fair on them however as the main cost is the room and they are sharing. 60/40 seems a fairer split.

bikaga

I'm sorry for your loss.

I would recommend having an open conversation with your friends about their and your expectations.

With my friends group, we charge per person (and less for kids as they don't get to choose to come along and the parents can't just leave them), but I also get the "per room" argument. Though taking that one level further, you'll get into "who's got the biggest room" and "should the organiser get a nicer room without paying extra" territory, so, well, we don't do that.

Or maybe you could take a good friend that you wouldn't mind sharing with, there might even be a twin room. That would also make it less challenging to be "the only single one", too. A friend of mine has been doing that since being widowed.

1012816392

Deep and heartfelt condolences for your loss.

The considerate and compassionate post of LittleMountain exactly match my own thoughts. 

Have a long and happy relationship with good friends who will recognise your point of view.

KatieLeahey

They’re your friends, I think (hope) that they will understand. You’ve lost your significant other, but would still like to go away with the group. The dynamics have changed, it should now be split per person, definitely. And I would like to think that somebody else in the group might realise this and suggest it before you have to. Personally I would be more than willing to pay a bit more to have my friend there with me who has been through a terrible time.  

supergran40

As a fairly recently bereaved person, I am very aware that holidays are horrendously pricey, virtually the price of a couple, but as you are going with friends who clearly want to have you along as always and not leave you out, you should be able to quietly ask how they are expecting to share the accommodation costs and see what their reaction is.

You need to be prepared for the 50/50 answer though, so think ahead what your attitude is to those terms.

Life is tough, you may be paying all the household bills from one income instead of two, or you may have a fair inheritance to help you pay these extra expenses.

Even if you were to find another single friend, would you want to share a bedroom anyway?

LameWolf

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss.

It rather depends on what aspect of the holiday we are talking about. 

Accommodation - yes, probably 50/50, as you will have a room of your own, I imagine, regardless of being alone now.

Cost of food - no. You're not going to be eating the same amount as you and your partner did.

I do see where you're coming from, and I think you need a friendly chat with your friends.

Don't make the mistake I did - I was widowed two years ago, and a couple, who were friends of my late husband, invited me out to the pub a couple of weeks after the funeral. Not only did I end up paying half the taxi, which I suppose wasn't too unfair, he had to make two stops after all, mine and theirs, but the bit that did rankle was that they bought a round of drinks as a couple, and I was expected to buy the second round, they the third, and me the fourth. So they were buying a round of three drinks between the two of them, and I was buying a round of three drinks by myself, if that makes sense. Of course, I was too polite to say anything, as they'd been kind enough to invite me out; but I did have to cut back on groceries for the rest of the month!

Bonnypitlad

I am a widower and am acutely aware of the single room supplement for hotels and cruises which is only slightly less than the cost of a double room
Are you suggesting that in this scenario your friends should each pay a third of the combined cost of the double room and the “ single” room?
I would be embarrassed to suggest that to them 

poppystar

Welcome to the world of the solo in a couples society - sorry for your loss that has brought you to this position. Others have pointed out how it isn’t just sharing accommodation but many other aspects of sharing where things just don’t seem fair. Also that alone the costs of so much, not just travelling, require someone on their own to need much more money to live the same life. 

I can see the argument that you have a room to yourself so 50 50 would be fair but you can be sure if there is one good room and one poorer room, one with ensuite and one without, one with a double bed and one a double sofa bed then they would claim the better room ‘because there are two of them’ and still expect a 50 50 split of costs. It’s the way things work sadly. 

And it’s not just the money aspect either, you are likely to find you now have less say in what you will actually do when away, their choices will outnumber your choice. Do think carefully about whether this will all make you feel worse rather than better if you go away with your friends.

Matt8888

Does anybody out there fancy setting up a "Singles Pressure Group"? It could ultimately become a big business. I don't know the exact stats, but a large % of the population is single, but the world is as if 80% are couples. We need a pressure group to lobby government etc. There is also the opportunity for special deals with hotel chains and travel companies etc. I'm not interested in doing it myself, but for the right people, it could become a massive movement if done properly. But of course it needs money, time, knowhow and media connections etc. to really get it going.

poppystar

Matt8888 said:

Does anybody out there fancy setting up a "Singles Pressure Group"? It could ultimately become a big business. I don't know the exact stats, but a large % of the population is single, but the world is as if 80% are couples. We need a pressure group to lobby government etc. There is also the opportunity for special deals with hotel chains and travel companies etc. I'm not interested in doing it myself, but for the right people, it could become a massive movement if done properly. But of course it needs money, time, knowhow and media connections etc. to really get it going.

Or maybe we could just start with this forum - there is no category I can see for money saving singles here!