Juggling mum/work life, whilst looking after my future self, both financially & healthily

fionaandphil

@Slowdown great words of wisdom there and really makes you consider. I think most of us at various times have had to step back and look at the big picture and make decisions on what is important in life. As you say, some things you can't control and you have to work on the ones you can.

Great vibes for a Monday morning to see us through the week. Small wins lift the spirits too. Thank you

missymoo81

Ah thank you for posting @debtfreewannabe321 I hope you’re ok, I need to catch up on your diary, and @jwils actually, sorry I’m so rubbish. Thank you for your kind thoughts, and we are very much the same in the fact my off days involve doing things for half term with the children and doing an adhoc work day (already accounted for) for a ‘friends’ company. So no down time as such 😳.

@Slowdown I read your post whilst I was stuck in traffic this morning. Thank you so much, one for reading my whole diary! Sorry it must read very disjointed and stop start, as I don’t always post! And two for your empathy and understanding, sometimes it’s just knowing you’re not alone and you’re doing the best you can and that’s ok. And your post made me feel that way. I do need to only worry about what I can control… so today I took a deep breath and tried to just take work one step at a time, and it actually worked. It was a good but manageable day. And it maybe @fionaandphils Monday positivity but I actually feel a tiny bit more confident about keeping my job in the next lot of redundancies due to what it is they want to do at work in the coming months so we shall see! Oh and big boss who I’ve never met was over from their home country and said ‘ah so you’re the famous (name)’ so I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but at least they had heard of me!!!! 

So other news from today, I have not spent any money and had the left over calzone for lunch, it was so tasty! We have left over stew for dinner. OH was well enough to go to his day of work today. So that’s something, although I think he’s still poorly. I think I’ve eaten within my calories today although not exercised. But all generally positive

jwil

It's great that you've had a more positive day.  My guess is that if you were famous in a bad way, they would have found a way to make you redundant - so take it as a win

missymoo81

Ah thank you @jwil . Didn’t sleep too well, OH was tossing and turning and stressing all night. So came downstairs at 6 and had a lovely 45mins with small cat and had a lovely cuppa. A nice way to start the day, although I may be tired later! The clock change is doing me in a bit at the moment.

So just a normal work day today. I have my soup for lunch with added rice to bulk it out, and I shall enjoy it despite others not liking it . OH is home today, well for a few weeks actually…..he’ll get some house stuff done, I do worry about him, he’s a very busy minded person and he’s now just sat doing nothing. And feels he has no purpose…. He has hobbies but his mind just isn’t in it, and he’s rather grouchy as he’s not sleeping through stress. There are DIY jobs to get done in the house…. But I don’t think mentally he wants to do them. I really don’t know what to do to help. His work has always defined him, and obv being somewhat jobless is a huge struggle to him mentally. He doesn’t have many friends at all, neither of us have so he has no one to talk to or see. I’m at a bit of a loss. Any advice or thoughts are appreciated. 

Blooming cold today but at least a clear day. Right meeting at 8, best get out of the car! 

Spendless

I agree that you are known in a good way and also the thought process of do I have control over this' and also the one that currently instead of 2 full time jobs you have 1 insecure and 1 infrequent. Does your OH not qualify for new style job job seekers? Its dependent on you paying NI contributions in last 2-3 years. Yes its a pittance - around £92 per week but its something. It may access him to other help in looking for work. If a one off paying job came up hed have to tell them, not sure how theyd manage that perhaps sign off and on, but at least it would  be something. Theres also seasonal jobs coming up. Yes sometimes its not what you want to do or enjoy but you have to accept the circs mean you have little choice for now.

Personal question does the kids Dad help out financially? If he doesnt is it time for him to start doing so? That would help you absorb some of the kids costs.

Your comment about soup and 'added rice' does this mean there was rice in it to begin with? If so that might be where the dislike stems from, not everyone can cope with the differing textures. If it is, Id try again with a smooth blend this time. HM soup is so lovely, healthy and costs pennies to make, so I hope you hit on something family enjoy. 

fionaandphil

Glad your day was better yesterday, long may it continue.

Could you sell the 'opportunity' of being at home to the OH as a great way to get house diy up to date before Christmas? Or get him involved in volunteering for something where he could put those skills to use,  Mens shed, scouting etc? Might help him to meet more people too. I think most blokes aren't as sociable as women, or maybe that's just mine 😆

Slowdown

I’m wondering if the ‘help’ you want to give your OH may be better reframed as ‘support’. For me, trying to help implies trying to fix but to support implies trying to strengthen. There is no way for you to fix things for him but voicing your support of current choices he might make could work. 

When I left a job due to bullying and stress, that ultimately ended an almost 30 year teaching career, I needed space. To regroup, to refocus, to rest and to do so without pressure. 

Of course the financial and job uncertainty add layers but perhaps some breathing space is needed. Maybe one tiny encourage in the right direction might bring about a small amount of DIY action. “Perhaps ‘we’ could get this tap fixed? What do you think we need to do that? Any tools or supplies we don’t have?”  

I find the ‘nudge’ principle very helpful for myself and others. No “You should fix the tap while I’m at work” (not that I’m suggesting you’d put it like that) as it seeds the idea that failure is a stones throw away. Just gathering the tools is a grand first step. 

Maybe I was too long a teacher and mum of 3 but I’ve learnt a few tricks on the way that worked for me! 

Anyway. Thinking of you. X

jwil

My DH is similar in that he needs to be working otherwise he just stresses out.  Could OH go and register with a few agencies with a view of getting some temp work?  It might not be glamorous or particularly well paid but at least he'd be bringing in something whilst he plans his next steps.