Realisation Moment...My God How Did I Get Here???

kittiej

I was wondering that too Jenny, but I suppose unless you are actually in the situation at the time then its easy to say you should have done this or should have done that.

Just a thought Anna, would going to university be a possibility?

You wouldn't have to pay CSA anything then or council tax.

It would do your self esteem the world of good and you could still work part time if you wished.

DisillusionedAnna

Hi Jenny

Yes with hindsight i wish I had given him the kick up the backside out of the door.
I endured years of his gambling and drinking, god knows how many times my poor family bailed me out (I always paid them back).
There comes a point when you know that the man you married is just a selfish self centered git who never really gave a cuss about me or the 2 children. Ive done Al Anon and Gabling Anon route so many times I knew there procedures by heart, he wouldnt change, just the adultery bit made me flip. catching him the way I did gave me a moment of such clarity of how my life was that I just had to get away.
The divorce is done and dusted, after he came out of jail for assaulting me he changed, the children love him despite his imperfections,he is a good father, though he hates me for not returning him he often quotes how good he is now, its the past I cant forget.
Id love to make him pay financially but my time will come when the children leave full time education to live there own lives and I will have my legal rights recognized. I have never set foot back in that house, infact I never will. I have all legal aspects covered re any sales and am patient.
I have a nice flat in a nice area, its mine, furnished by my own efforts, no input from him and Im proud of what Ive achieved, my front door key is my best friend and no one will ever take that away from me.
My kids come to see me, I will never let them know the disgust I feel there father, if he lets them down it wil be by his own actions and with no imput from me.

Kitty I pay the CSA, hard though it is, and thats how it should be, we woman wanted equality so it cuts both ways.
Yes I have thought about Uni...am looking to go in Sept 2008 but I have some issues to sort out about myself, I have good days lots of them but still the odd bad black day creeps in and all I want to do is stay indoors and forget the outside world, thankfully the bad days are few and far between.
By being so open about how I feel to my boss and work colleagues, I am lucky if a bad day comes I can go home and one of
them will cover for me and I return the favour.
I am grateful that I am healthy, have just enough to live on and havea good back up family/friend sytem in times of bad days.
All in all Im one lucky person, the past was awful the futures bright and can only get better.
Having finally found me Anna, I like/love myself, I will never intentionally hurt another human being, I will cut off my right arm for my true friends, nothing is impossible, just might ake that wee bit longer to achieve it.
Hope that answers your queries
Anna:T

DisillusionedAnna

Morning all

HOWS THE DEBT BUSTIN GOING??

im still taking small steps but there all adding up..hope you are all well
best wishes
Anna xx

kittiej

Hi Anna.

It was just a suggestion, being equal doesn't mean that you should be worse off either don't forget.

Glad you're OK.

If you did do a course of HE then they would be understanding about any absences as long as you kept them informed.

Perhaps womens studies could be an option lol?

Whatever happens I wish you all the best.

RAS

Anna

More importantly, what subject would you like to study at University?

I am totally with you on sort out issues about myself before you go.

People are very accomodating but there are time of considerable stress and the more you can do in advance the better.

DisillusionedAnna

Hello

Kitty thank you for your reply

RAS

I was looking into some form off Social work, not sure which particular area, but something in the Domestic Violence....homeless...sector..I know that sounds vague at the moment but I need to be sure I can cope with a Uni position, and my issues are just basically knowing myself. I have times when I could climb Mt Everest and a few days when I just want to hide my front door.
At the moment I have a lovley job,where all my office skills are used, I might even just settle for that and upgrade those..another area I was thinking about was Adult Literacy,I need to learn to spell myself lol
I am lucky as I can choose my own road to where I want to go to, my wants are few and my skills portable so I may even move to a new area.
I have always fancied the Hebrides or Shetland Isles, an idea thats been lurking in my head for years is a place by the sea, some chickens and self sufficencey, ah well I can dream maybe I could make it a reality one day, the futures looking hopeful.

Whatever path I choose I shall be making sure I have researched it and if its viable.

Best wishes

Anna x

kittiej

Hi Anna,

Just another thought!

Would the Open University be an option for you?

I believe you can get help towards course costs if you are under a certain financial threshold. That way you can study at your own pace, even have breaks if you want, its totally up to you.

There are many branches to Social work as well, its not all abuse and violence, more helping the vulnerable in our society so you are right not to have a fixed idea at the minute.

PS as I work for Greggs I shall send you that chocolate eclair, unfortunately it will have to be virtual through cyber space sorry!

Trailertrash_2

Anna, I read your story and could not believe how you have come through what must have been the most horrific time anyone could imagine. I noticed a more positive attitude in your posts as they progressed, and am so proud of you for it. God bless you lass, and in time the kids will understand.

mummum2

Hi Anna,

Glad to see you back, again I would also like to voice the positiveness coming from your mail. I'm truly admire your strength and determination and know that all will come right for you.

Take care
MM2x

RAS

DisillusionedAnna wrote: »

Hello

I was looking into some form off Social work, not sure which particular area, but something in the Domestic Violence....homeless...sector..I know that sounds vague at the moment but I need to be sure I can cope with a Uni position, and my issues are just basically knowing myself. I have times when I could climb Mt Everest and a few days when I just want to hide my front door.
At the moment I have a lovley job,where

Thanks

I am not totally up on this but you would have to pay fees, via the tuition fee loan c£3K. Since your income is less than £25K:rotfl:, you would get the maximum state maintenance grant c£2,800. Consequently most universities would also give you a bursary towards your fees -anything up £1K depending on the university. Your maintenance loan would be reduced.

You would also get a £4,000 Social Work bursary, but I am not sure if this impacts on your entitlement to any other funding. Obviously you would not pay Council tax. Most students work as well, but the first £5,000 is tax and NI free.

So frankly, you might not be any worse off than you are now. However, most places expect you to have some practical voluntary experience.

The other thing is that some Social Work department second staff who are not qualified, so they pay the salary as usual and the tuition fees. You problem might be that the CSA would have quite a lot of the salary.