Money Moral Dilemma: Should I stop paying for my irresponsible friend when we go out?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My friend and her partner are irresponsible with money, wasting it on takeaways and other treats. She often asks us to collect them when we go out as they've no fuel in their car, and readily accepts if we offer to pay for meals and drinks, which we do knowing that they're often short of money. Yet I'm sure that they earn more than us. I don't want to damage our relationship and would miss going out with them, but why should we keep paying for their irresponsible behaviour?

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oldernonethewiser

If you believe their behaviour to be irresponsible then you have no need to help fund their lifestyle.

Stop offering.

MattMattMattUK

Stop offering to pay, stop paying for them, at best you are enabling them, at worst they are parasitic. 

cannugec5

You shouldn’t pay for their irresponsible behaviour or lifestyle choices. However you need to stop offering to pay for them or bail them out if you are uncomfortable doing so. 

Giving them a lift is a different thing. It depends on whether you were travelling anyway or if you are going out of your way to give them a lift. I think you need to learn to say no, at least sometimes. 

Penguin_

Maybe next time you have plans to go our for food just ask if they're happy to go halves.

If it's drinks, get the first round & then the ball is in their court.

Brie

Tell them you are short of cash but will be happy to come to their place for dinner/drinks instead.  

horsewithnoname

Stop offering to pay! Giving them a lift is one thing so long as it’s not too out of your way, but if it’s annoying you - and given the question it seems it is - then stop doing it. 

Rd1994

Absolutely stop paying. If you stop they might see the error of their ways and budget better so that they can still do the things they enjoy like coming out with you. At the minute they have no need to stop because they get to have it both ways!

Jos55

Do you feel that you have to buy their friendship? Either stop offering to pay, or point out when it is their turn to pay. Ask yourself, what kind of friends they are if you feel that you can't be honest about how you feel.

Julia1960

You are obviously a very kind and generous person. Please don’t be hurt when I say these “friends” of yours do not think you as their friend at all but rather just someone to sponge off. If you suspect, as you say, that they earn more than you do, why on earth would you let them do this to you? Please don’t waste valuable time on these individuals when you could be spending it making genuine friends who will respect you - and your money! 

lauralovesclaude

You are subsidising their lifestyle and they are taking the P out of you. If you don’t think the friendship would survive unless you are paying for everything then steer clear. 

It would be different if they were genuinely struggling, trying to get out of debt/going without luxuries and if they offered to pay for your food and drinks once in a while but that doesn’t appear to be the case.