Money Moral Dilemma: Should I stop paying for my irresponsible friend when we go out?

kimwp

Your friends might think you have tonnes more money than them or want to pay, because you keep offering to pay. Stop offering if you don't want to pay. And tell them you are going straight to the restaurant (don't give a reason) and tell them you'll meet them there (they can take a taxi if they can't get petrol sorted). Or keep paying them to be your friends.

Mark_d

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My friend and her partner are irresponsible with money, wasting it on takeaways and other treats. She often asks us to collect them when we go out as they've no fuel in their car, and readily accepts if we offer to pay for meals and drinks, which we do knowing that they're often short of money. Yet I'm sure that they earn more than us. I don't want to damage our relationship and would miss going out with them, but why should we keep paying for their irresponsible behaviour?

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"I'll go out with you so long as you collect me and pay for meals/drinks" - You're effectively paying for them to go out with you.  Are you so desperate to be with these people that you'd pay them?

For me, friendships have to be 50:50.  That means going to a pub for food where some people can't afford posh restaurants.  Of course there's an element of give & take, helping each other out...but if someone is constantly taking and never/rarely giving then I'd have to consider whether they're genuinely friends or just people out for themselves, looking to take advantage of others.

Obeeone

Some people are givers, others are takers! Stop allowing them to sponge off you.

Epsomdtc

Look, if you've read this far down the thread, you're ready for a straightforward comment.

Friends are expensive, it's a fact.

Surely part of your friends appeal is their laissez-faire attitude to life?

Put it into the expenses column and celebrate eccentricity & diversity.  

enthusiasticsaver

Why do you offer to pay for their meals or drinks?  Just say you will split the bill or pay for your own. Same goes for lifts and just tell them you will meet them at the restaurant, pub or whatever. Most restaurants will split the bill with no problems. 

cakebunny

AndrewAfresh2 said:

When the waiter brings the bill, say you've discovered a fabulously helpful bill splitter app - if they say they don't have enough money to pay their share, is there one which allows you to keep track of how much is owed to who?
Say you want to take it in turns to drive, so that you two can drink (if you don't drink much, say you've heard stories of police being stricter).

…and if they don’t have enough money to pay for their share of a meal, why are they happy to order the dishes and drinks that they’ve had?

Follow Andrew’s advice and get a bill splitter app, tell them YOU are short of cash this week but are happy to pay for what you ate/drank and see what happens… if they say they haven’t got enough money, they can always stay and do the washing up at the restaurant!

Have had ‘friends’ like this in the past (long before the days of apps!) but when I paid MY share (estimated generously, plus tip) in advance of the bill arriving at the table, they soon wanted to go through the bill in detail to check who had what! Just smiled and said I had to get home, never heard from them again… sad but true 

mlz1413

I agree with the majority that you are enabling the behaviour,  so maybe you need to consider how to reset the balance. 

Do you want to keep seeing them as a couple or would you prefer to just see your friend on your own?

Would you be just as happy seeing them in McDonald's as you would at an Indian restaurant  (insert any fast food v any country of food here), it's more the price that is the point

As the weather gets better could you suggest a day out rather than an evening. Just a drink at a nice park cafe or a walk around a country park

If you like going for a sit down meal with them, then next time you are organising just say something like
- we aren't drinking tonight
- we can't pay for you both tonight 
- can we go to the place near us and you pick us enroute

hcrr1984

If your failure to fund their enjoyment would be enough to put them off of socialising with you, are they really friends?

Cut them off - either they'll take the hint and pay their own way, or you'll not see them again and know the 'friendship' was merely a parasitic arrangement.